Misfits

What the fuck is going on?

It's my auntie. Who d'you think it is?

You've got a twin brother?

Nowt's getting past you!

Oh, my God. You fancy him, don't you?

Has this got something to do with the dead girl at the cemetery?

How d'you know about her?

Who is she?

She was my girlfriend.

She died. Drugs overdose.

Me and you fought the Nazis and I died?

'You kissed me when you gave me the power.'

And how was that?

Yeah, it was all right.

Big news. You're going to be doing some gardening.

Gardening?

Uh, I had a call from this guy at Wertham General.

He's got some weeds need weeding, plants need planting.

I said, "Yes, mate. I'll put my top people right on it."

I'd got myself geared up for dog-shit, here.

I thought we were doing dog-shit, man.

It's... it's fine.

Tools are in the storeroom, the hospital's that way.

Fucking gardening.

What's he doing here?

Do you think he's here to take our powers?

It's the law of the jungle, kill or be killed.

Hi.

You motherfucker. What's that?

Ha-ha! No, no, I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I'm sorry, I made a mistake.

I've made a mistake, I've made... Argh!

Sorry. He's got me. Help me or he's going to break it.

What the fuck are you doing? Why are you here?

Er...

Erm...

I just came to see if you want to go for a drink.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd, MemoryOnSmells

Are you OK?

Yeah.

I thought that went really well.

So, did you want to go for that drink like a date?

Yeah.

Good.

I was thinking, bar on the estate, half seven?

Wow, the bar on the estate. Classy!

All right then. I'll see you later.

What about Shannon?

You were right. She's not coming back.

I wonder what happens when he, er... when he shags you.

Do you reckon he takes your powers?

Maybe that's it, right?

Maybe he gets his kicks from just going around, shagging girls

and stealing their powers. Hmm?

Why would he do that?

Well, I don't know,

why does Richard Saunders film himself crapping out of trees?

Who's Richard Saunders?

A friend. Just promise me one thing, you'll make him wear a condom.

Can you just shut up about him?

Better still, make him wear two. Double-bag it!

I need to get some bread.

I went to make some toast this morning, it was all mouldy.

We're out of cereal as well.

I'll stop somewhere on the way home.

Maybe just get a takeaway.

I can't do this. I just can't see you like this any more.

I loved you so much.

Goodbye, Jen.

Are you all right?

Do you want me to get someone?

Hey.

I know you can hear me. And I just want to say sorry.

I have to do this.

I have to get back to him.

I used to hate it, how dark they kept it in here.

Hey, that walk to the hospital, man, it took ages.

Really, that's interesting!

There's an anger management counsellor here for you.

For me?

Yeah. It's all part of your "ongoing rehabilitation".

Did you have the last Twix?

Yes.

She's waiting for you in my office. Enjoy.

For fuck's sake. It wasn't even me, it was him.

Who?

Who do you think? This whiny little prick in here. The other me.

I was seeing this girl, right. Nice girl, Dutch-Irish.

Had a webbed foot. Left foot, fine. Right foot, just a little bit creepy.

Might have been the other way around.

Anyway, so we have this big row, we end up breaking up.

Honestly, I weren't that bothered.

Cos there's plenty more fish in the sea and all that.

She couldn't wear flip-flops. Because of the web, she had no toe-groove.

Anyway, so we split up. You know, she's really angry,

starts running her mouth off, all gets a little bit personal.

Honestly, dude, I were fine with it, mate. Not him.

He starts getting himself all upset, ends up trashing her car,

she rang the police.

Boom.

So that's why you're on community service?

Yes! Yes. He did it, I took the rap. I'm totally innocent.

Mmm. Yes. We should write a campaign song.

Do some wristbands.

You, you're very clever, aren't you, eh?

So, my name's Clare Bradman, I'm a behavioural therapist

and I specialise in issues around anger management.

Firstly, I don't want you to feel intimidated, you're not on trial.

All we do is we just sit here and we talk.

We "talk"?

You sound surprised?

Well, yeah, because it's anger management.

I... I don't know, I thought we'd be smashing some stuff up

or putting some boxing gloves on,

taking turns beating the shit out of each other. Do we not?

We don't do that, do we?

I'm afraid not.

Yeah, well, I'm going to have to be honest with you, Clare,

when I say... that I'm disappointed.

Why don't we make a start?

Mmm?

Yeah.

Hi.

Hello?

You probably don't remember me.

I was a friend of Jen's. We were at school together.

Right.

Can I come in?

Er, yeah. Sure.

Shall we talk some more about the incident with the car?

Yeah, if you want.

What was it, do you think, that made you react the way you did?

I honestly don't know.

It were a full moon. I tend to go a bit mental on a full moon.

I'm like half-wolf.

I do have exceptionally hairy balls, so...

Can I ask you something?

Mmm.

Did you wet the bed as a child?

N-No.

It's often linked to anger issues in adults.

There's no shame in it.

Where do you get this stuff from? Cos it's...

I've dealt with individuals who've wet the bed well into their late teens.

I know it can be very traumatic...

as a child,

to have to go through all that on your own.

Yeah, can it? Just... give me a minute, cos I've got, er...

Things I just need to... Nice one.

This is such bullshit.

She's onto you. I think she knows.

She doesn't know anything.

She knows you're a bedwetter.

I'm not a bedwetter! I haven't done that in years.

Haven't you?

Now, listen, that was one time. And I was drunk. Right?

And everybody does that anyway, so it's different.

We should go back in. She's making some good points, man.

No, I'm not having you in here.

You're popping out every time she gets personal.

You can wait for me outside.

No, fine. That's absolutely fine by me.

I was only trying to...

If that's how you feel.

Are you OK? Do you want to talk about it?

I've been lucky. Everyone's been really supportive.

Bringing me food, making sure I'm OK.

Sorry, it's really weird. Jen used to do that.

Actually, do you mind if we do this another time?

I'm having a bit of a shit day.

Dom. It's OK.

Everything's going to be OK.

It's me.

It's Jen. I'm Jen. In here.

What the fuck are you talking about?

What do you want to know?

Our first date?

We went to your cousin's house party

and we had this disgusting cherry vodka

and I was sick on your trainers,

and they were new, and they were grey with red, red bits...

and we moved in here and I dropped the TV and you shouted at me

and it still has all these weird lines across the screen.

Everything you told me at the hospital, about...

about your phone getting stolen, about your dad breaking his finger.

And this morning, you told me about the bread going mouldy.

I heard it, I heard everything, Dom.

Jen?

Have you seen Kelly?

Not since this morning.

I guess you've been stood up.

'Hi, it's Kelly. I'm not about, leave me a message.'

I'm in the bar. Where are you?

If you're not into me, just tell me, yeah?

You moved the sofa?

I just shifted some stuff around.

Flat screen TV?

Yeah, got it a couple of months ago.

It looks nice.

Cheers.

So much better in here.