Egghead & Twinkie

- Let's get this over with.

Hi, I'm Twinkie Harris, spaceman icon,

master of sarcasm and anime extraordinaire.

These are my parents.

They're separated but trying to get back together, maybe.

I don't really know.

And this is Egghead, he's cool, but also smart.

Like straight A's

on every test since elementary school smart.

we became best friends in the fourth grade

when he moved into the house, across the street from me.

I saw him Naruto running in his front yard one morning,

then the rest is history.

We like a lot of the same things.

Slushies, anime, soft pretzels, , riding our bikes.

The list goes on.

And Egghead is a really good friend.

Yeah, such a great friend.

I'm gonna miss him when he goes to Stanford in the fall.

He's studying engineering, while I'm working on my art,

figuring out what my next step is gonna be.

I wanna be an animator someday.

Egghead made me promise that I'll put him in a show

when I have my big break,

but for now, it's just the two of us.

Egghead and Twinkie, bestest of friends.

Who never, ever fight and are totally getting along.

- Sorry for the wait. Can I get y'all something to drink?

Yes. Can I please have a-

Yes, I will have a lemonade,

and a diet Coke and a chocolate milkshake,

as well as baked mac and cheese, a classic cheeseburger.

And what's your favorite dessert here?

- Carrot cake's pretty good.

I'll have one of those too.

And for you, hun?

Can I have a coffee?

- She will have a small black coffee.

That'll be right out.

Are you done being petty now?

Me petty?

You left me in the middle of nowhere stranded.

What do you want me to say?

I want you to be honest.

I need to know the whole story.

Okay? From beginning to end, everything.

- I don't even know where to start.

- Start here. Who the heck is BD?

Shit.

Come on.

Where's my hat? Where's my hat?

Coming, I'm coming. Stop.

Coming.

- Oh good. You're up. Matthew's outside.

Mom, nobody calls him that.

Wait, your dad called.

He's coming over for brunch tomorrow,

so you need to make sure that you're home.

Okay, fine. Gotta go.

- Say hi to your boyfriend for me.

Oh my God.

Shit.

- Come on. - I'm coming, I'm coming.

You didn't have to honk the horn that loud.

- Well, I didn't think you would wait.

- The whole could hear us.

We are so fired.

Yeah well, you know,

maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing.

What the?

How are you gonna make money?

Put your seatbelt on.

- My seatbelt is on, mom.

- Okay, great. I'm just making sure.

Wait, your mom thinks I'm your boyfriend?

- My mom thinks yogurt is vegan and vaccines cause autism,

of course she thinks you're my boyfriend.

Oh.

It's like 'cause you're a dude

and you drive me everywhere,

that automatically makes you my boyfriend or something.

- I'm pretty sure that makes me your chauffeur.

Yeah, well, lucky for you,

I'm getting my license next month, so.

- You've been saying that literally all year.

What are you gonna do when I leave?

I drive you to school, I drive you to work.

You would even have a summer job without me, actually.

- Yeah, what a tragedy that would be.

- Do you know how many kids applied to work at Rick's?

We lucked out big time.

- Hey, yo Chinese girl, Jake thinks you're hot.

Yo, shut up, man.

- I'm gonna punch those guys in the throat.

- Well, that's not very sunny of you.

Ah ha ha. I hate this costume.

Why do I always have to be Cuthbert?

- Because you're a better dancer than me.

- I do have some pretty sick moves.

Woo. - Just so you know,

I'm calling you sick tomorrow.

- What? - Dad's coming over

for brunch.

Your dad's back in town?

- Yeah, apparently lost like 20 pounds since he

and my mom separated.

Really?

Dude, imagine how much weight he would lose

if they got a divorce.

Huh? Incoming.

Ho ho ho, hi, ya kids.

Hope you have a sunny day.

Oh my God.

Is any of this relevant?

- If I don't tell you what happened exactly as it happened,

then you'll start asking questions

about why everything happened the way that it happened.

- But at this rate, I'm never gonna know.

What's happening?

- Dude, you just dropped me off like 10 minutes ago.

I know that we still have

to finish our "Naruto" marathon and all.

But my mom gave me an AMC gift card.

Apparently she cleaned up at Bunco last night.

Hmm. Typical Kathy.

Yeah.

I was wondering if maybe you wanted

to go see a movie with me later.

Sure. What movie?

- I don't know, some random romcom that my mom picked up,

that I have not seen, obviously.

Yeah, yeah. What time?

- Well, the movie starts at 7:00,

but I could pick you up at 6:15

so we have enough time to pee before the trailers?

Sound good?

Twink?

Uh. Yeah, sure. Sounds good.

I'll see you then.

Okay.

What? Don't be late.

Yes.

- Hey. - Hi.

Are you ready?

I brought a Slushie?

- Ooh. Thanks. Gimme like two seconds.

- Well, lucky for you, we don't have to stop for snacks.

What? Why? Check it.

What? That's awesome.

- Right? We have Twizzlers, M&Ms, gummy bears,

gummy worms, Cheetos, popcorn,

baby wipes.

Baby wipes?

- Well, yeah for the Cheeto Dust.

- Duh. - Ay, duh.

Sponsor,

which is a very popular perfume

If you want 10% off your first bottle-

Hey. How was the movie?

It was fine.

- How's Matthew doing? Is he excited to go to Stanford?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, it's Stanford so.

I know you're gonna miss him.

Oh, long distance isn't easy but...

I see the way that boy looks at you.

- Obsessed with this brand, and-

- You two are gonna be just fine.

Holy shit.

- Twinkie, your dad's here.

Lisa, the quiche looks great.

This is lucky number six.

- Oh, what happened to the other five?

Ugh, quiche again.

It's brunch.

- Mom, everybody knows that brunch

is just breakfast for hipsters.

So, Vivian,

heard you went on a date last night to the movies?

- It wasn't a date and nobody calls me that.

What do they call you then?

Twinkie.

Twinkie?

- Yes, 'cause she is yellow on the outside

and white on the inside.

What? That's terrible.

I like it.

- So Vivian- - Twinkie.

- Vivian, what have you been up to?

I barely see you anymore.

- I got my pay cheque from work yesterday,

so Egghead wanted to use his AMC gift cards.

Egghead?

- Matthew. They call him Egghead now.

- Why the hell would he do that to himself?

Scott, language.

- So we went to go see this awful movie together

and then Egghead tried to kiss me.

- I love you, Angela. I always have.

- Why didn't you tell me?