The Chalk Garden

Excuse me. Would Mrs St Maugham live here?

- She would. - I'm sorry, I...

came in answer to the advertisement.

There's no need to be sorry.

At least, not yet. Come in, please.

Oh, goodness me. It's very grand, isn't it?

Built like a fort. It has to be.

Pardon me, but are there many others?

- You're number six. - So many?

Numbers one to five have already left,

or rather fled.

Oh, dear. The mistress must be very hard to please.

True. But, in fairness, the other ladies didn't really want the job.

- Why not? - Because, er...

let us say this is a nervous age.

- Oh. - Sit down, please.

Excuse me.

Good morning. I should like to see Mrs St Maugham.

Do I have the wrong house?

I'm sorry, madam.

Mrs St Maugham is interviewing applicants for a position here.

- For a moment I thought... - That's why I've come.

For the job as governess?

Is there some objection?

Er... f-forgive me. No.

- Your name? - The name is Madrigal.

And yours?

Er... Maitland.

You've done such work before?

Do you usually interview applicants in the doorway?

Er... I'm sorry.

Please, come in.

This way, please.

Forgive me for staring at you.

Why did you?

Well, um...

you're not the usual thing in governesses, are you?

Are you the usual thing in servants?

I'll tell Mrs St Maugham you're here.

Please sit... down.

They say five have left already.

Really.

There must be something terribly frightening in this house.

That sounds like a perfect description of me.

Good morning, ladies.

I presume you're both here for the interview?

Good morning.

Are you the young lady who requires a companion?

I never shake hands. It's so animal.

Please, be seated.

Now, what are your qualifications?

Twenty years' experience.

What kind of whisky do you like?

Oh!

Well, if I had my choice, I'd...

I'd take nothing.

Nothing less than a double, eh?

But I suppose you'd have endless patience with me.

I'm so fond of young people.

I set fire to things.

I intend to burn the house down one day.

Perhaps today.

- Could you prevent me? - Well, I...

Maitland could, but he won't.

He's a pyromaniac himself. Did seven years for barratry.

Barratry?

Arson at sea.

Oh, dear.

I'm not permitted alone, except in the garden or on the beach.

Grandmother's rules.

Such lovely weather for the beach.

If you don't mind sharks.

I told a former governess of mine there were sharks.

She said I made them up.

One day she was eaten by one.

Ugh. Poor shark.

I see.

You live with your grandmother. She must love you.

She calls me her little immortality.

She expects me to tell the world about her when she's gone.

I just might do it.

Have you no mother of your own?

Only legally.

She married again for love.

It's given me an adolescent repugnance to her.

My case is Freudian.

What are your qualifications?

I prefer to wait for Mrs St Maugham.

Where do you live?

In my room.

How do you take to me?

You're not what I'm used to.

I'm fond of painting. Can you paint?

What I can't do is wait much longer.

Oh, she'll come. Grandmother will come.

She's in the garden.

She's a great gardener, but nothing grows for her.

Mrs St Maugham will ring when she's ready for the interviews.

I've laid the fire, Miss Laurel. Do you wish to light it?

See?

- Did you use plenty of paraffin? - Half a gallon.

- 'Tisn't enough. - It's all that's left.

Oh, well. It'll have to do for a start.

But later, Maitland. I'm busy now.

Your grandmother would prefer you to be busy elsewhere.

She's probably right.

No point in terrifying the applicants.

But don't be discouraged, ladies.

You'll find things can warm up here quite suddenly.

Er... during the interview, ought we to be together?

One of you ladies may wait in the living room if you prefer.

Oh, let it be me.

I have nothing to do but wait. Really.

I'll gladly wait in here.

When you're ready, just call.

She's a little light-fingered.

What, that one?

No more than a box of matches or a magazine.

- Well, do you know her? - No.

But I've met those hands before many times.

Oh.

She won't be back.

- What are you doing? - Locking the door.

You're not going to escape so easily.

If you get away, I shall end up by being governess as well as everything else.

With no time for barratry?

Oh, that's my recreation.

We prefer these not to light.

The child uses them too frequently.

The child's outlandish.

This is an outlandish household.

You may just find it to your liking.

Because I'm outlandish?

Unusual. Emphasise it.

Mrs St Maugham cherishes the unusual.

After all, I'm here.

The lions are calling for a Christian.

Oh. So this is our first applicant?

The seventh, actually, madam, and the last.

The others have taken to the hills.

Oh. Doesn't leave us much choice, does it?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll have to hurry to have lunch ready.

Hurry, Maitland, is the curse of civilisation.

The fact that I hurry, madam,

gives certain people the leisure time to make such observations.

Insolent man.

I suppose you're wondering why I tolerate him.

Because he amuses you?

Fortunately, he hasn't much time for that.

He has too many other duties.

He does them insufferably, but he does them.

Will you please sit down?

Now...

what questions do two total strangers put to one another?

The name is Madrigal.

And what experience have you?

I have never applied for such a position before.

And why did you apply to me?

Your advertisement tempted me.

I have been somewhat alone.

You will be able, I suppose, to give me references?

References would be difficult.

In fact, impossible.

Really?

Then perhaps you would like to ask me questions, Miss Madrigal.

Does one have a room to oneself?

Life without a room to oneself is a barbarity.

Is this a quiet house?

Absolutely.

That's my daughter's child, Laurel.

She's so fond of screaming.

We met earlier.

- Did she say anything? - Nothing of consequence.

Something about a governess being eaten by a shark.

That's only what she would like to see happen to a governess.

Anything to make a drama.

When she wants the centre of the stage, you cannot take it from her.

It's rather early for her to be lighting it.

You encourage this?

It would be far worse to discourage it.

She's plagued with a compulsion to burn down the house.

However, we're curing that

- with a sly psychological trick. - What is that?

Every day, we're making the fire smaller and smaller.

She hasn't noticed.

One day, it won't be there.

Do you see?

I see.

You study her as if you're seeing something I don't.

I am.

I see myself at that age,

as if I were looking at an old photograph.

I suppose that's your way of saying you're qualified to care for her.

Well, perhaps you are, but her mother wasn't.

Where is her mother?

Unfortunately, she'll be here in a few days to try to take her.

And shouldn't she?

That should be the worst possible fate for the child.

Her mother married a second time.

And the child is alienated,