The Horrific Evil Monsters

It's time…

For the Lamb of God to open,

and Summon us Four.

I am War.

I have heard your call.

And the world will know us again.

Rise, War.

And prepare for battle.

For I…

Am Conquest.

um

This is it Sam!

This is the place he was talking about!

Why do we always have to go to these places you write about in your stupid books?

Did you really think that the power was still running?

Look, I'm going to go to the car and grab the air mattress.

Are you sure you want to go to the car?

I mean, maybe I kind of like the dark in here.

I just can't believe we're here.

You know, they never found him.

What?

Well, they found his face.

Face?

They found his face?

Uh… what about the rest of him?

Don't worry, Romero. He's not here.

No one is here. It's just you and me.

Alone.

Ten seconds. I'll be back, I promise.

You know, I bet you bring all the girls you like to these creepy death houses.

You caught me there.

Okay, so there's one thing I've been dying to ask you since we got here.

So are you the hot twin, or did I like…

Ugh!

This is private property!

Move!

Fuck!

Fire!

Canon, get the chains.

Stanley Warner. Bet you haven't heard that in a while, have you?

It's a pleasure to meet you finally.

You've been on the most wanted list for quite some time.

I'm really glad it was us that brought you in.

We have big plans for you.

I'll give you a few minutes with him, William.

I know that you've waited a lifetime for this.

He's very heavily sedated, so you should be okay.

I've spent half my life chasing after you.

You've gotten the best years of my life.

Every night a new nightmare.

And they want to keep you alive.

We both know you're going to escape.

Evil doesn't die.

And it sure as Hell can't be contained.

But this time, I'm ready for you.

Now I am sure that not every murder in Metsburgh was done by that guy.

Tell that to him.

He almost lost his life to Gore. Twice.

And you want to take Gore back with us?

Yes. Yes I do!

Well, what about him?

Think of it as a game of Cat and Mouse.

This time? The mouse won.

No real need to worry, Old Man. He's in good hands.

Are you okay, sir?

I'm fine. Problem with the night lately.

So. Who's next?

This man.

Welcome back! Alex Creed, here.

I'd like to take a minute and introduce you to my good

friend and confidante Winey Swinney.

She's a world-renowned author, chef and international food guru.

She's here today to talk to you about her new set of revolutionary kitchen knives

Now I know what you're thinking.

Alex, you've fought zombies, aliens, and bad guys of all kind

as Devin Danger.

What are you doing with Winey Swinney talking about kitchen knives?

Well, let me tell you.

When I heard she was in town, I said to myself…

My fans have got to hear…

About her five-time patented stainless steel kitchen set.

Now, Winey, what are you going to make for us today?

Today we're going to make half-moon squash raviolis!

And we're going to start with my personal favorite!

The Destroyer!

Now Alex… Alrighty then.

Did you know that this knife can cut through any bone like butter?

Uh, no, I didn't know that Winey.

So, we're going to start by rolling out our full moons.

Like this!

Alright. Okay, folks.

It looks like we're making lunar eclipse ravioli.

No, Alex!

Lunar means full moon!

And I don't see any werewolves around here!

Do you?

No, no I don't.

Today, we're just going to fold them in to half-moons.

Like this.

Okay, sorry. And it's filled with wonderful butternut squash.

Yes, what we did was we split the squash!

And then we put in just a little bit of salt and pepper.

In the words of 'Devin Danger'…

What was that again?

Well, uh, I don't know, Winey. What line were you referring to?

It's slicing time!

Its… I think you mean…

It's blasting time. The line is…

It's BLASTING TIME!

Oh okay. Close enough.

You know, it was the film where you were fighting the alien space frogs!

Zombies. It's… It's… It's Atomic Space Zombies!

Okay, whatever you say!

Now, we're going to take our squash

and put it into the oven at 350 degrees for 20 minutes

And, when we're finished…

Vualá!

Little lunar delights!

Well, okay fans. You know what that means.

That means…

Its… BLASTING TIME!

Cut!

That was really good.

Really? You again?

Yes. Me again.

And I really wish you and your friend would reconsider my offer.

My friend?

Why don't you go talk to him yourself?

Look, Mr. Creed, we're running out of time.

-Sir. You definitely need to take a look at this.

Is this confirmed?

Yes, sir. The subject was destroyed. - Shit.

It's time to take a look around and ask yourself what you're doing with your life.

Okay, like this.

If you change your mind, you know where to find us.

Yeah I've got to go. All right, see you.

Yeah! Baby!

Good job today!

- Oh yeah? - Killing it!

What were the numbers?

Well, you know know I don't seem to have the accurate…

Kirk.

What were the numbers?

Look, Alex.

Man.

Truth be told…

Nobody.

Nobody is looking for Alex Creed selling kitchen knives on the Food Channel.

I'm alright. It's only a little cut.

God.

Alright.

You know…

We need to get you back in the game.

You were one of the highest paid actors out there.

Commercials trying to sell kitchen products?

It's not the right route for us to take.

AC, Look up there.

See that shining?

That's YOU!

You're a rock star!

Okay? You're not a salesman.

We'll get them again tomorrow.

Go for Lazie.

Hey, Winey.

I just wanted to…

Alex!

I want you to have this!

It's the new Destroyer 2.0!

Not even in production yet!

And its ten times stronger than the original!

I want you to have it!

And it even comes with its own holster!

You never know when it's going to be…

Slicing Time!

Gee…

Thanks!

God.

I'm alright.

Alright, Alex.

What do you want out of life?

Anna, I'm Mick.

What the Hell is going on here?

Well, why don't I tell you what I do.

I work with an agency that deals with… Incidents.

Why is that guy wearing a mask?

Well, because you're contagious.

Then where's yours?

Well, I don't need one.

I thought I was contagious?

Not to me.

By the way, I was really impressed with how you handled yourself back there.

Yeah, well that…

Thing just came at me, like I was getting ready to close…

And he busted in here and bit me and…

Anna.

I've reviewed your file.

Runaway at thirteen.

Shoplifting. In juvee by fourteen.

Fighting… Grand Theft Auto…

Mercedes S-650?