Special

- -

Do you need help?

I can go get my parents for you.

Nope.

I'm fine.

Hey, you're walking funny.

You need to go to the hospital, mister.

That's not from my fall.

I have a thing.

It's called cerebral palsy.

What's that?

Cerebral palsy is a disability resulting from damage to the brain

before, during, or shortly after birth,

and outwardly manifested through muscular incoordination.

The kid screamed at me.

Usually when I tell people I have CP they're just like,

"Gross," and then they're Gone Girl.

People don't really understand your disability.

It looks different on everybody.

Simon says straighten.

That ass is everything to me.

Hey, hey, focus.

Yeah.

Save that for Grindr.

I love that you think I have enough self-esteem to be on Grindr.

What would my profile even say?

"I'm gay and disabled.

But I promise not to drool on you until the third date."

There are plenty of drool fetishists out there.

Flex your foot.

I'm so fucking jealous of Bob.

Hey!

Ryan...

Bob has to use a catheter to pee.

I know, I just...

It must be freeing to be...

so disabled.

Sometimes I feel like having a mild case is like being biracial.

You're saying, like, 15 different offensive things right now.

I'm just saying I'm in limbo, okay? It's like...

I'm not able-bodied enough to be hanging in the mainstream world,

but I'm not disabled enough to be hanging out with the cool PT crowd.

At least Bob knows where he belongs.

I hear ya.

But you need to hear me.

You're lucky.

You're privileged.

You need to get over it.

Trust me.

I want to.

But it's hard out here for a gimp.

-Oh, shit. - Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! You're bleeding!

What is...

Are you okay?

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

This is not the way you want to look for the first day of your internship.

Don't you just want to stay home with me instead?

No, I'm not bailing on Eggwoke.

Who even reads that site?

It's just-- It's a bunch of silly articles.

It's not silly, okay.

It's brilliant, millennial, LOLzy satire.

And it's a big deal.

It's unpaid.

Rude!

I'm sorry. I just...

I've just been a bit worried about you since the accident.

Mom, I fractured an elbow, okay?

As far as car accidents go, it was pretty chill.

Yeah... What about your CP?

Because they're gonna ask you to do these difficult things,

like-- like faxing and printing.

Yeah, well, thank God no one's faxed since the '90s.

- -Here.

Mom, it's time for me to challenge myself.

Be more of an independent woman.

I mean, imagine if I had died when that car hit me.

No, I'm not going there.

I'm just saying, my obituary would've been Bleak Lively, okay?

I'm 28 years old and...

I haven't done a goddamn thing.

I just...

love you so much!

- - Okay.

I love you.

Okay, you guys, listen up.

I need viral content now.

Samantha, remember when you told everyone

about the unexpected orgasm you had during your abortion?

Um... Actually that was just to you

and it was in complete confidence.

Oh, my God.

Oops?

Um... Okay, well, now that I've freed you from the shame of your secret,

can you, like...

Can you write about it? Or...

Sorry, hun. Cedar-Sinai's around the corner.

This is, uh, Eggwoke, right?

I'm Ryan.

The intern.

Sit.

Excuse me.

All right.

Give me a story pitch.

Oh. Already?

Okay.

How about...

um...

this.

"Local depressed barista

found living in the Mason jar."

You know, like the hipster version.

Of The Bell Jar.

Sad.

I'm putting you on mail duty.

-Listen, Cheyenne. -Ryan.

Eggwoke is undergoing a little creative face-lift right now.

So, the humor pieces were cute,

but they didn't resonate with a larger audience of basics.

So instead we've started publishing confessional essays,

like "50 Ways to Hate Myself,"

or "Why Do I Keep Finding Things Inside My Vagina?"

So, does anyone else have anything we can write about?

Kim, hun, can you just write another post about loving your curves or whatever?

Anything for you, Olivia.

Okay, everyone,

pay attention and get jealous of Kim.

Her posts always have the most traffic. And why?

Oh, because I'm a talented, badass bitch

who's changing the way we talk about women's bodies.

And don't you forget it, hun.

Back to work.

Hey, new girl.

You need some help?

Oh, I'm fine. Thank you.

Okay, well, how about we take a break and go to lunch, huh?

Like, together?

I mean, I guess you could walk five paces behind me

if you don't want the office to talk.