The Holly and the Ivy

- Oh, Mrs Moncreiff. - Yes?

Just one moment.

Oh, it was freezing in the park.

I'm longing for my tea.

Uh, could you tell me yet whether you will be here for Christmas?

Oh, dear, I hope not.

I do hope not.

Are there any letters for me?

Well, the afternoon post has come in

but I haven't had a moment to sort it yet.

I wonder if you'd mind just looking?

Certainly.

For 30 years, ever since my husband died,

I've been living in hotels.

But I've never yet spent a hotel Christmas.

Uh, the management prides itself on creating

a family atmosphere here.

Oh, yes, but the...

it's never quite the same, is it?

You see, I always go to Norfolk, to my sister's.

But she died, poor darling, in the spring.

So this year, I'm not quite sure what will happen.

Your post, Mrs Moncreiff.

Oh, thank you. Oh.

Darling Jenny.

No.

I shall not be here for Christmas.

You are a lucky old thing, Bogie.

You know, I'd give a lot to live in the west of Ireland.

Why don't you come over for Christmas, Dick?

We'd love to have you.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't. - Oh, what are you up to?

I always do the same thing at Christmas.

I go and stay with some cousins of mine called Gregory in Norfolk.

Gregory? That's an Irish name.

Yes, but you wouldn't know him. He's a parson.

Lives in a little place called Wyndenham.

What you laughing at?

I was laughing at the idea of you spending Christmas at a vicarage.

A bit incongruous, isn't it?

Well, I might have to spent all my life at a vicarage.

- I nearly went into the church. - What?

When I was leaving school, my father came to me and he said,

"Dick, my boy, it's time you made your mind up

what you're going to do.

Your mother and I have been talking it over,

and we've come to the conclusion you've got a choice of two things,

soldier or clergyman."

Well, I thought it over, and I said clergyman.

My father burst out laughing and six months later, I went to Sandhurst.

I met a girl called Gregory the other night at the Orchid Room.

A streamlined bit of work, fashion expert or something.

Mm, that's it.

Now she's the daughter.

Matter of fact, I'm driving her down.

Yes, this is Associated Fashion News.

Miss Gregory?

Who wants Miss Gregory?

Colonel Wyndenham, I'm afraid she's out at the moment.

Can I take a message?

I'm driving her down to the country tomorrow.

I wanted to know where to pick her up.

You don't know where I could find her, do you?

Just a moment. I'll look in her book.

I think she's at a dress show.

Yes, she is.

You can ring her at Mayfair 8272.

Now this is definitely a very dramatic dress

for a very special occasion.

Excuse me, is Miss Gregory here? She's wanted on the phone.

Oh, I'm sorry. She isn't here. Try her home.

As I was saying, the hoop is attached to this dress.

It's very lovely.

Not going away for Christmas?

Oh, dear, why ever not?

I can't leave Blossom.

Does seem a shame you're losing your Christmas holidays

just for the sake of a cat.

I suppose you wouldn't trust him with me, would you?

With you?

You know, I believe I would.

Well, I'm only next door.

And you do so enjoy going to your brother's for Christmas, don't you?

I do, indeed.

They have a beautiful house up there in Norfolk,

at that place called Wyndenham.

- I'm very fond of it. - Oh, is he a clergyman, you said?

Yes, he is. This is my nephew.

He looks like a clergyman's son, don't he?

I mean, he's nice looking.

I better just stay and see you over.

Yeah.

Hey! You there.

- Who's that? - Oh, hell.

Answer when you're spoken to!

- Sir. - What's your name?

Gregory, sir.

Haven't you just put in for a 48 for Christmas?

- Yes, sir. - Well, you've had it.

You'll be eating cold meat here instead.

Now, get down off that wall!

Well...

- Come on, jump to it! - Yes, sir.

Come here.

You cut along home, ducks.

It's past your bedtime. Go on, hop it.

You see you go in the proper way this time.

And don't try those games again.

- No, sir. Please, sir? - Well, what is it?

About that pass, sir, it's rather important I should get home for Christmas.

Oh, no, it isn't. You're in the army now.

- There's nothing important about you. - Right, sir.

- I want to see the major, please. - Well, you can't.

I thought there was an ACI that said a man had a right see the OC at anytime.

Oh, I see, one of those budding barrack room lawyers, eh?

- That won't do you no good, son. - May I see the major, please, sir?

Yes, you can see the major, alright, tomorrow morning,

0900 hours, Battery Office. You're under charge!

- Get. - Yes, sir.

Get moving.

Gunner Gregory, sir.

- 10359 Gunner Gregory, M. - Sir.

You are charged under Section 40 of the Army Act

in that after lights out,

you did enter barracks by climbing the barrack wall.

- Well, Sergeant Major? - At 00 hours, two minutes this morning.

Let's have it in English, Sergeant Major.

Yes, sir. It were just after midnight last night.

That's better. Go on.

I found this man on top of the wall, behind the cookhouse.

He had no late pass and admitted he was climbing into barracks.

He was being assisted by a young person, sir.

A young person?

A girl, sir.

Oh.

- Is this true, Gregory? - Yes, sir.

- Is that all, Sergeant Major? Well, go on. - No, sir.

I happen to remember accused asked for a 48 for Christmas.

I told him he'd had it.

I beg your pardon, sir, I mean, to forget it.

I thought that was sufficient.

- Very lenient, Sergeant Major. - Yes, sir.

Well, why is he here?

He refused to take my word, sir.

Asked to see the OC, behaved in a very insubordinate manner,

and quoted AC Highs at me, sir.

That was very unwise of you, Gregory.

Well, sir, I, um, want to apply for leave

on compassionate grounds.

Reason?

Well, sir, my mother's just died.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. When?

It was the last, um, May, sir. But the point is...

Last May, eight months ago?

You seem to think the Army's got a very tender heart, Gregory.

Well, sir, the point is that, you see, my father is a parson.

- And you know... - Stay at attention!

Well, sir, we've always rather made rather a thing about Christmas.

And this year, my sister's got to cope on her own.

I said I'd tried to get back and help her if I could.

Of course, it doesn't really matter, sir.

No, it certainly doesn't matter.

I have never had a less adequate reason for compassionate leave.

I never heard such nonsense. Seven day CB.

Escort the accused, left hand,

left rear, quick march!

- Mr Young, just a moment. - Sir.

Any reason why he shouldn't have it?

Oh, this'll do.

This is right for Wyndenham?

Yes, ma'am. Change at Norwich.

Thank you so much. You have been kind.

Thank you.

Bridget.

Good gracious, how are you?

Oh, this is nice.

We can travel together.

Now, come in here. There's plenty of room.

- Is there a corner seat? - Yes, look, you can sit there.

- Oh, I'm third class. - Oh, it doesn't matter.

- We can pay the guard. - Ah, no.

Oh, no, Bridget, we must be together. I'll pay.

No, thanks.

Oh, no, but Bridget, you know, really, there's no need.

I prefer it here.

Oh, very well, then, I'll have to come in with you.

Uh, porter? Porter, just bring my things in here, please, will you?

Oh, do you mind just moving up just a little bit so that I can sit down?

Not at all, madam, not at all.

Jenny.

Hey, Jenny.

David.

- You going to be long? - No, I've nearly finished.

- What time is it? - It's time you got home,

aren't you expecting swarms of relations?

Shh, listen.

Come on.

- Don't you like carols? - They're alright.

Want some talk with you before they all come.

Oh, there's no more to be said. Do you think I'm putting too much frost?