And Just Like That…

Ooh.

- Carrie! - Hey, hi!

Um, excuse me. Sorry.

Excuse me.

Wow. Good thing I have sharp elbows.

- Hi. - Hi!

Two gimlets, straight up.

- Ah! - I made a bold choice.

- I hope that's okay. - I never loved you more.

In a nutshell, the honeymoon is not over.

I'm still pinching myself that I get to live there.

Well, that's how I feel about your place.

Mm, I mean, to be clear, the-- the Gramercy house

was built in the 1840s, so it has its cracks, but...

Oh, my God, your house is that old?

She looks amazing. Who's her doctor?

Anyway, I love the history.

You know, I love, um...

I love picturing all the ladies who lived there before me

in their bustles and their button shoes.

And their cute little purses.

Too tiny to hold their stupid fucking phones

with lame-ass texts.

Wow, I sense we've taken a turn.

Yeah.

It must have been so much easier

- being single back then. - Hm, I wonder.

I mean, it's just such a messed-up time to be dating.

Like, last night,

I got stood up by a psychiatrist.

Well, that can't be good for your mental health.

And then I text him,

"Dude, what is your fucking problem?

We made a plan." And he texts me back,

"Is this something you would like to discuss?"

"I have an opening Thursdays at four.

I don't take insurance."

It's actually not about him.

It's about this.

My phone is who I'm in a relationship with.

I mean, you're so lucky

that you met Aidan before all of this.

- Hmm. - I spend every waking hour

scrolling, swiping, texting,

and it's all just hurtful or meaningless.

I'm so sick of it. I'm so done.

I'm just-- I wanna--

- Oh! Oh, my God. - Ow! What the fuck?!

I just did that.

Yep, I did that.

Okay.

I'd better give you this before I get

forcibly removed from this bar.

I invited you to drinks because

I have a little something for you.

Aw, and if I don't like it,

I just chuck it over there, right?

That's what we're doing now?

I should probably get my phone... or not.

"245."

Wait, that's my old address.

245 East 73rd Street.

- You made this. - I did.

I know how much you loved your old apartment,

so I wanted you to have a little piece of it with you always.

Oh, my gosh, I love it.

Hi.

Which one of you two should I sue?

Oh, not me.

All my money went to these two gimlets.

Oh, then it's you. Good.

Can I buy ya a drink before we go to court?

Oh, no thanks. I'm good.

But you can buy my friend here a drink,

as long as you're not a psychiatrist.

Uh, I'm not, but I am good at

pretending to listen.

- Oh. - I'm Alex.

Hi. I'm Lisette.

Can we get three gimlets? I'm buying you one, too.

I'm gonna need a witness in court, you know.

Here we go again.

In what grade do I get to stop lugging

Gabby's art projects home

at the end of the school year?

Well, at least the entire Lost and Found

did not have your kid's name on it.

- Oh, there's Ainsley. - Lois was very clear.

Don't bother submitting Cleo's ACT score

unless it's a 35.

I messengered over

a Brunello Cucinelli scarf to Lois,

and still no word back.

- Well, Lois told me that-- - Veronica.

Oh.

Hi, Charlotte. Hi, Lisa.

Were you all just talking about Lois Fingerhood,

the Ivy Whisperer?

- No. - I'm not familiar.

I-- I'm sorry, who?

We are so sorry to barge in on you--

Something very disturbing is happening

right outside these doors!

Oh, motherfucker!

I knew this day would come.

Here we go. Alright.

Did ya call 911?

Oh, no, no. I-It's nothing like that.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Then what's with all the drama,

and the big Charlotte eyes?

I'm sorry

about the F-bomb.

That doesn't need to leave this room.

You scared me.

You really did. You scared me.

It has come to our attention

that some of the parents have broken the Arbor code

and hired outside college admissions consultants.

Is that what this is all about?

Lois Fingerhood, AKA The Finger?

Yes, exactly!

Though they were very tight-lipped about it,

they're obviously ashamed of themselves.

As they should be.

This school has excellent college counselors.

We've been very happy with Debbie.

Debbie...

Debbie's fine, but she's no Lois.

How do you think we got nine kids

into Princeton this year?

It wasn't because of Debbie.

What are you saying?

He's saying F-bomb the rules

as long as you get into an Ivy.

One F-bomb and I'll never hear the end of it.

Just to be clear, you're telling us

to hire the Finger-Lady?

I would never say that

because I live in reality.

You're too late.

And she's impossible to get to.

There's a reason why her name has the word "finger" in it.

Okay. I should not be doing that. I know.

Let's just call this

"Greg's Inappropriate Tuesday."

"Sitting in the sunlight,

"the woman felt the fog of the last few nights lift.

"She realized her recent tossing and turning

"and insecurities were remnants of another time.

"A time when she was less sure of her path.

"This is a new house, she reminded herself.

"A new life. This wasn't her past...

It was the present. May, 1846."

Hm. Hello there.

Oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh, my God!

Hi, Aidan, period.

Uh, you won't believe this, comma, but turns out, comma,

hiding in our beautiful, comma, bucolic backyard are rats.

Exclamation point. Many, many rats.

Exclamation point, exclamation point,

exclamation point.

I'm upstairs

because I don't know if they can do steps.

Exclamation point.

And I forgot to lock the back door,

so they can probably push it open

if they work together as a team.

Exclamation point, exclamation point.

Anyway,

a guy's gonna come tomorrow to clear the yard, but...

I really, comma, really wish you were here.

Period.

Mm... Delete.

There's rose petals everywhere.

- I planned that. - Oh, that was you?

See, those two belong together.

I don't know.

I just wish she didn't bug me so much.

Those lashes are ridic.

- What are you guys watching? - Bi Bingo.

And, like, you're putting a lot of pressure on me

because you're, like, obsessed with Jodi.

- So, at this point... - Oh, it's a reality show.

It looks really idiotic.

Yeah. It's awesome.

She's such a fake fucking bitch.

She literally knew that I was going after Tina and Matthew...

- Wait, who's she? - ...and, like, everyone knows

that I've been really struggling with that fucking choice,

but she doesn't care, so she just comes in,

and everyone's like, "Yeah, like, the sex with Joanie is insane."

Like, "Okay?"

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Ernesto, it's--

- It's all gone. - Yeah.

Well, you said you wanted me to make sure

I got all the places where the rats could hide,