Scrubs

You slept with your best friend!

This will be a disaster unless you say the right thing,

so choose your words carefully.

Great job last night, buddy.

Good thing you came along. I've been on four since med school.

Damn it.

We shouldn't feel weird about this.

- Things like this happen all the time. - All the time!

- It's not a big deal. - it's not a big deal.

Stop repeating what I say in that weird tone.

- No more repeating. - What happened last night was

a wonderful mistake.

And it's probably best if we just go back to the way things were.

I totally agree.

I'm gonna see you tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Elliot's amazing and you're crazy about her.

If you let her leave, I'm gonna do this all day:

I get knocked down but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down

I get knocked down...

Wait, Elliot...

I just...

Just say it. Say, ''Elliot, stay in bed

and have sex with me until neither of us can move.''

Let's do that.

I cannot believe you almost let me leave.

You're gonna pay for that.

I'm good for that.

I got to...

We are really good at having sex. We should take this show on the road.

My mom would sit in the front row

and tell me I'd look prettier if I smiled more.

You don't really smile. You just make this face.

You looked surprised that you were actually having sex.

I was. I mean, four times?

Give it up.

- I think I already did. - You did.

How weird was that this morning?

Have you ever been more uncomfortable in your entire life?

You look hot in that dress.

What movie are we watching?

It's Basic Instinct, Grandma.

Yeah, once. But all this sex?

It just soothes my soul.

And I really like your nose.

How did that last time even start?

I just know I went to the door

and when I came back, you said I looked se xy holding a pizza.

You did.

For safety reasons, I should go.

You're not going anywhere.

You gotta help me eat this pizza.

Good.

See now, you even look se xy holding that slice.

- I do, don't I? - You do.

I was not. You were.

Sometimes I like a little sugar in my coffee.

I just think it's best if we keep this between us for now.

It's hard enough without everybody talking.

But it'll help people. Like those two, for instance.

They've been dancing around each other for months now.

I'm not afraid to show people here how I feel about you.

You just want the guys to know you're getting some.

Not just the guys.

Good morning, Dr Cox!

We are short-staffed today

because Kelso has volunteered all of you scut monkeys

for some psychologist's research project,

which means you won't be helping patients.

Instead, you'll be blabbering about your feelings,

and what it's like working in the hospital,

and how that affects your personal lives and...

And there he is now, big Bob-o himself.

All nurses and interns, let's gather round

and dance for the puppet master.

Dance!

It's not just the nurses and interns.

Don't be that guy, Bob.

I guess I became a doctor because

ever since I was a little boy, I just wanted to help people.

I don't tell this story very often,

but I remember when I was seven years old,

I found a bird that had fallen out of its nest.

So, I picked him up and I brought him home,

and I made him a house out of an empty shoebox, and...

My God!

I became a doctor for the same four reasons everybody does:

Chicks, money, power and chicks.

But since HMOs have made it virtually impossible

to make any real money, which affects the number of chicks

who come sniffing around, and don't ask what tree they're barking up,

cos they're sure not pissing on mine. And as far as power goes, well...

Here I am during my free time letting some 13-year-old

psychology fellow ask me questions about my personal life.

So here's the inside scoop.

Why don't you go ahead and tell me all about power?

Check her out.

- Dude, HFFA. - Excuse me?

HFFA? ''Hot from far away'' but up close she's nasty.

That is so messed up.

I am sorry I made an insensitive statement about an ugly person.

I'm taking one of those moments

where I weigh your good qualities against your bad ones

and decide if you're actually worth the trouble.

You made it. That was close.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Elliot's looking for a surgical consult.

- Do you know where she is? - Why should I know?

I know where the Todd would like Elliot to be. In his pants.

Clever.

She's not going out with anyone. You should ask her out.

Elliot and the Todd? That's a terrible couple.

- Worse than Joanie and Chachi. - Joanie loves Chachi.

The Todd is asking Elliot out.

- I think she'd be lucky to ride my... - Please.

...motorcycle.

Gotcha.

God bless him.

When I was seven, the only things that I loved

were my ColecoVision... and Sandy Lowe.

Sandy was as fine as a 7-year-old could be.

She had the body of a 9-year-old.

I joined the T-ball team because she was on it.

I didn't care that much about sports.

But, during the first game, I got all caught up,

and fell in love with competing.

And so, through high school and college,

I pretty much played everything because I needed to compete.

It was my drug.

That's why I became a surgeon. Every day, you get to step up to the table

and go one-on-one against what's wrong with the patient.

And if you're really good at it,

you win most of the time.

I ran into Sandy Lowe last Christmas,

and she didn't look so good.

And that was kind of awkward, cos,

well, I look like this.

Are you following me?

No. You wanna go out some time?

With you?

Me and a bottle of Jagermeister.

No, Todd, I don't. But I don't want you to think

it's because I'm a lesbian or anything.

I find you so creepy, I think you should walk around with a bell around your neck.

All I heard was ''lesbian''.

Let me talk to her for you.

Why did he ask me out?

I don't know. Because you're cute and you're fun,

and I told him to. Plus, there's rumours going around that you're a lesbian.

You told me not to tell anyone about us, so maybe I just wanna make a point.

And now I'm gonna kiss you.

It's cool. JD's in the closet talking to a girl for me.

White boys.

You too.

When I was little, my mom used to have what she called ''episodes''.

''Episodes'' is a flattering term for this thing where she'd sweat a lot and...

Let's just say her stomach talked.

Anyway, this one time, we were at the supermarket

and she actually passed out.

And out of nowhere, this fancy-looking guy comes forward

and tells everyone to step aside and give my mother some air.

And everyone did.

You have to understand, in my family, nobody listens to a word anyone else says.

Even screaming at the top of our lungs... nothing.

So when this man said, ''Step aside'', and everyone did,

I asked my aunt, ''Who is this guy?''

And she said he was a doctor.

And I thought,

''I want to be a doctor too.''

But when I lost my first tooth, and nobody left $180,000

under my pillow, I decided to become a nurse.

We do all the real stuff anyway.

- You OK? - Yeah.

I may eventually need a vagina transplant.

Go! Go!

We don't have much time!

You know what?

After I have sex five times with somebody, I like to have the relationship talk.

I know it seems rushed, but five times

usually takes me anywhere between six months and seven years.

Let's do it. Let's have the talk.

- You my boyfriend? - Yep. You my girlfriend?

- Yep. - Cool.

Good to talk things through.

I love that little laugh.

From now on, that is your laugh.

What?

I've seen you naked, so everything you're doing, I'm watching you do it naked.

So, if I go like this...

I just... I saw all of that.

Don't be shy. Come here, baby.

- The echo report on the aorta... - Bravo. Just a big bravo.

Heaven help me, I love newbie theatre.

Honest, I do. It's the way you both play your parts

with such wonderful commitment that almost had me believing

that you aren't having whiny, neurotic, pale sex with each other.

What are you talking about?

The whole floor knows. We do. Watch this.

Laverne, did you know?

Was it supposed to be a secret?