Sorry I Killed You

You are my number one guy.

Mastur Bait We'll see.

Dahmer.

Manson.

The Bone Killer.

No.

The Boner.

Me likey.

Me likey big time.

Yeah, I know, I know.

My God, it's cold out here.

Boo, I miss you so much.

I don't know if I'll survive without you for a week.

Now looks like I'm the first one here.

Okay honey, you know I will.

Bitch, you're so funny.

Look, you know it's because of your milkshake

that I even came to the yard in the first place.

Okay, love you, bye.

Hello, girls.

Okay back it over here

Wanna check my bandwidth?

Hello, Carl.

I've given you a drug, you're unable to speak or move.

But, if I turn this, you can speak.

What's going on?

But I don't really wanna hear you talk right now.

However, it's very important to me

that you're awake for this.

Okay, still with me?

Watch this.

Now I know this looks bad, but the good news

is you are going to die very soon, I promise.

So don't worry about that.

Just a minute.

Carl?

This is your bone.

And I am the Boner.

Welcome to your death.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Housekeeping!

No one's here,

We're the first ones here?

Yeah, Carl's car's outside, where is he?

Why did you bring that fake penis with you, anyway?

Technically it's a dildo.

Besides, you know how much fun

we're gonna have with this thing?

Yeah, I do, and leave me out of it.

Get out of here, fuck!

- I get you in the eye? - Are you serious right now?

Get you in the eye?

You totally whacked my wiener.

You are so immature.

- He's so aggressive. - You didn't.

Is that Katie?

Dude, quick, suck my dick.

Come on, dude, it's a joke!

I don't care, I'm not gonna suck your dick

for some stupid joke.

Dude, just do it, it'll be funny, I promise.

They're almost here!

Fuck my ass, all right.

Just suck my dick, just suck my dick.

Yeah!

My god.

My god, I'm not supposed to see this!

Your technique isn't bad.

Yeah, Kev, have you done this before?

Shut up.

Hey Kev,

you might wanna go check up on your girlfriend.

I think she actually thinks you're gay.

What, why?

- Mike, I'm impressed. - Yeah?

Yeah, quite an improvement over the real thing.

Why don't we go upstairs and I'll test that theory?

Remember, this is an office retreat,

we're supposed to be working.

Remember, we're supposed to be working.

Yeah, I know, I just didn't believe him.

He's always been great in bed, amazing.

Well remember how before Kevin I had never had an orgasm?

Well last night I had seven, and two of them are vaginal.

He just, he makes me so wet,

my entire vagina just swells up.

Yes, Mom, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

Well, but then when I think about it,

it makes sense that he would be gay.

Well, remember when he had me put my finger in,

well, it was really like my entire fist.

I'm not gay!

I'm not gay, Mrs. Reed.

Mom, I gotta go.

Then what was that about?

Money?

Yeah, I'm just pulling in now.

I'll see you in a minute.

This is it?

Yeah, It's close to all the ski resorts, yet secluded.

But there's no snow.

Well it snows off and on.

You know, we can't work this all weekend,

we might kill each other.

It has doors.

That's fuckin' cool.

Yeah, yeah, it has all sorts of things.

Anyways, I'll introduce you to everybody when we go inside.

You know, I didn't even tell most of them

that I brought on a new IT guy, but I own the company,

so they can fuck me for a week, you know?

No, I don't understand.

It's gonna be a great weekend.

I would never cheat on you.

Yeah, but that's because you don't think

a blowjob is cheating.

I do, yes, I do think a blowjob is cheating,

but I wasn't giving him a blowjob.

Okay, well then what term would you use?

Blumpkin, fellatio, what?

You are so misunderstanding the situation.

Two, yeah, this is it.

Your breast is hanging out.

I'm quitting after this weekend.

No, Brenda, you can't.

The best part about this job is the fact

that I get to work with my best friend.

Jessica, the only reason we're even here

is because you begged me to stay through the weekend.

And then I'm done, I was gonna quit two weeks ago.

There's Doug.

Who's that?

Hey Doug.

Brenda, Jessica, welcome to our retreat.

Sorry, hold on, I think it's my phone.

Is this the new IT genius?

Hello?

Jess, Brenda, this is Red, and yes, he's the new IT guy.

Hi, Red.

There's nobody there.

Welcome to the team.

What are your breasts' names?

It's nice to meet you.

Are you gonna let me just touch your boob?

Well I guess we'll never know.

What do you feel like on the inside?

That's inappropriate.

Brenda is our sales manager.

No, I just mean, like, if you, could you

stick inside...

Is Red a nickname?

No, my nickname is Bill.

What does Red mean?

Communist, I'm pretty sure.

Doug, Carl's car is here, but he's nowhere to be found.

Well, I'm sure he's not dead!

- Come on. - That's Jen,

Vice President of the company.

Always side with her unless she's arguing with me.

And grab the groceries from the trunk.

Doug.

Hey, if Jen tries to control things

and act like she's the boss,

I'm gonna have a real problem with that.

Well she is the vice president of the company.

Yeah, but she tries to take credit

for everything that I do,

and I worked really, really hard to plan this retreat.

- I just don't think she... - Come on, you guys.

I didn't plan this weekend so that we could start late.

We got a schedule to keep.

My God.

Just relax.

I own the company, I know what you do.

I don't cheat.

I would never cheat.

I love you.

But what about that picture

of Warren Beatty in your bedroom?

That?

He's my favorite actor.

Well, he's in my favorite movie.

Bonnie and Clyde?

No, Ishtar.

Yeah, that's Katie and Kev.

They've been dating since before they started with us,

and that's why it's allowed.

So if anything should happen between you and me,

we'll just have to keep it a secret.

Okay.

If you're joking with me, I will kill you.

Yeah.

You always get yourself in trouble

when you do things like that.

What, he's the one that's in trouble.

You don't even know him.

I know.

But he is kinda creepy cute.

I can hear you.