Scott & Bailey

You're a knob. You are a knob.

You are an all-singing, all-dancing,

fully paid-up member of the knob club.

How many times have we had this conversation lately, Rach?

If you can't be nice, then... You can drink until the cows come home.

Please do, just not on an empty stomach.

Do I smell?

You know, that low-level, seeping through your pores,

morning after the night before, sour brewery-type thing?

I'd stand down wind of Her Majesty,

should you find yourself in her immediate vicinity.

Have you got any perfume on you? That won't work.

You'll just smell like a transgender bricklayer.

What were you doing, anyway?

My sister's mate, Julie...

I mean, God, she's already cocked up three marriages.

Why do it...? Actually, I know why she does it again.

She likes having hen parties.

Level 27.

Oh, up the Bridgewater Tower? Mm.

Full of tossers. Oh.

So, obviously, inevitably,

me and our Alison end the evening shouting shit at each other.

Why?

So I walk out. I don't even know how I got home.

Never mind how I did this.

But, on the plus side, I did wake up in my own bed.

What were you arguing about?

She doesn't want me to visit my mum.

She said if I visit her, if I have anything to do with her,

So you walked out with all the dignity...

of a woman with my skirt tucked in my knickers, yeah, probably.

Ow.

Right, come on, Robin. Let's go fight crime in Gotham City.

Hey? How come I'm Robin? What does that make you, the Joker?

Piss off, I'm Batman.

Oh, how we laughed.

I appreciate how difficult it's been for you, all of you,

since your husband's death, Mrs Selwyn?

Would you like some coffee, Chief Inspector?

No, thank you. Have I already asked you that? No.

I appreciate how difficult it's been for you,

not just the bereavement itself,

but also having a Major Incident Team wading in.

Now, I know Janet likes my milky coffee.

Can I not make you some, Janet? No, thank you, Margaret.

So, having completed the investigation...

It's no trouble and it'll only take a minute.

Mum, why don't you let the Chief Inspector tell us

what she came to say? Sorry.

Sorry. I'm sorry. Go on.

Having completed the investigation- Janet's been wonderful, by the way.

Good. I didn't know what a family liaison officer was till we had one.

Good. I just came to tell you

that we found nothing suspicious in your husband's death.

As a result, the report I've submitted to the coroner

makes it clear that, in my opinion, after thorough investigation,

- Mr Selwyn died as a result... - Sorry.

Can you deal with that? Excuse me.

Sorry. Erm... Mr Selwyn died

as a result of falling over and banging his head.

Twice? Yes.

It's not uncommon for an elderly person to fall over in the bath,

bang their head, first instinct is to get up again...

often a bit too fast... fall over again.

So did he drown, or was it the bang to the head?

The pathologist told me that one of the blows to the head

could've been the cause of death, but whether he drowned first

I'm afraid we'll probably never know.

What we do know is that erm...

to have drowned as he did, he'd have had to be unconscious.

So we can be reasonably certain that it was quick

and he would've known very little, if anything, about it.

Sorry, she's like that. You try to tell her something important

and all she wants to do is feed you.

What did Andy want? Oh, the coroner.

You had a meeting with him at two o'clock.

He can't see you at two, but he can fit you in at 11:30.

Today? Tomorrow?

Hi, Slap.

When?

OK. I'm just out and about. Can you give me 20 minutes?

That wasn't 20 minutes, it was half an hour.

Do you want a brew?

Somebody reckons to be making me one.

Shift your backside.

How's tricks? Not so bad.

Dave's being a twat, but that's no longer likely to hit the headlines.

Tell me about Rachel Bailey.

You can keep your hands off her, she's mine. I'm not headhunting.

What do you want to know about her? Anything.

She's clever, ambitious, instinctive. She's one of us.

Any problems?

She talks before she thinks now and again but, no, I like her a lot.

Wish I had more people like her.

Why?

Last night, a man had seven shades of shit kicked out of him

in the car park underneath the Bridgewater Tower on Deansgate.

His back's broken in two places, he's unconscious.

We think he was left for dead. And?

Nicholas Savage.

Her name's popped up as someone we need to TIE.

In fact, between you and me, she's at the top of the list.

Who put her at the top of the list?

His sister. She's a barrister as well.

As well as who? He's not.

He's under investigation. He's gonna get struck off.

You don't like him either.

He paid someone to kill her.

Rachel... I was with her when she found out.

I saw the effect it had on her.

The CPS have ducked out of their responsibility of pressing charges because of ins...

Insufficient evidence, which gives her one mother of a big motive.

She wouldn't be that daft.

She's got a fantastic career in front of her.

She wouldn't blow it, not for that bastard. He's damaged her enough.

Good. We won't find anything on her, then, will we?

Did you want one, boss?

Rachel, this is Detective Superintendent Julie Dodson.

Ma'am. How do you do? I heard a lot about you.

Yeah, all bad!

Did you want a sugar in that? No, thanks.

What have you done to your head?

And to your hand?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Try me. No, honestly, it's not worth repeating.

I want to know how you hurt yourself, Rachel.

I went to a party, a hen party.

My sister's friend, so... Where?

At a bar up the Bridgewater Tower.

Level 27.

When?

Last night.

I just got a bit worse for wear.

I just fell over getting out of a taxi.

Why, ma'am?

Sit down.

Last night, not a million miles away from where you were,

a man called Nicholas Savage was so badly assaulted

he's ended up unconscious, in hospital, with a broken back.

I didn't do it.

How much did you have to drink, last night?

It was a hen party.

OK, Rachel.

I'm going to do you the courtesy

of not arresting you in front of your colleagues, OK.

But, having said that, would you have any objection

to me taking your mobile phone off you?

Go and put your coat on.

You're coming down to Duke Street nick with me. Now?

Now and a couple of my lads are going to ask you some questions.

I'll catch you later.

Where was Rachel off to before with the Bitch from the Black Lagoon?

What am I, her mum?

I've no idea.

Janet, t'boss wants you now.

Get your bulletproof vest on.

Why?

She's just scored a 10 on the Richter scale.

You wanted to see me? I've just had a phone call from the coroner.

Shut the door.

Not from his office.

Not from his secretary.

From him, the man himself.

Why wasn't I in his office at 11:30 this morning? Well?

Why wasn't I in his fucking office at 11:30 this morning?

You said tomorrow. I said today.

You said tomorrow.

I do not need some toffee-nosed twat of a coroner

reminding me how far down the food chain I am

and all because of the incompetence of my own officers.

I asked you to sort out your differences

because I trusted you, both of you to do that,

in a civilised, grown-up manner.

Clearly you haven't

and the result of that is that you have humiliated me.

You have made me look like

someone who doesn't know their arse from their bloody elbow

in front of the coroner.

If I misunderstood what I was told, then I'm...

I'm sorry and I apologise, but I didn't.

He said 'Tomorrow'. I said 'Today'.

What's going to happen next?

Cos this time next week, one of you won't be working here any more.

This time next week, one of you will have lost that privilege

of working with me in my syndicate

and you'll be floated off somewhere else.

Go.

You said tomorrow. I didn't.

Why would I have said tomorrow if it was today?

If it was tomorrow, why would I have rung?

Why wouldn't I have waited till she was back in the office if it was tomorrow?

Can I say first of all, I object to being spoken to like that?

Just because you're a senior police officer

doesn't give you the right to humiliate people in front of colleagues.

And two, he's lying.

He said 'Tomorrow'.

Yeah, well, he said just as adamantly that he said today.

Yeah, well, either he's mistaken or he's lying.

Yeah, well, he's saying the same about you.