A Year in Provence

No. no... Seriously. we are going to miss him.

The place won't be the same Without him.

And therefore, before he takes... French leave...

- (GROANING) - Sorry, sorry.

I couldn't resist that - we would like to hear a few words from him.

C'mon, Peter.

Wait! Peter... Stop! Stop him!

They used, of course, traditionally, to give you a clock and flowers.

Or a fishing rod and an armchair.

So as far as I know, this is unique.

And I am, perhaps, the only resigning executive in the world

to bow out with this.

A solid silver garlic press!

Every time I squeeze, I'll think of you.

Mrs Watts...

Oh, Mrs Mayle, you frightened me.

I meant to see you before, Mrs Watts. I'd like you to have this.

S'Iovely. I love the cane tree but...

Please.

Oh, Mrs Mayle.

Bye, Mrs Watts.

Annie...Watch.

Nice one, guv!

- Thanks! - Where to now then?

- Paradise. - No problem.

North or South Paradise?

South. I'll show you.

The year began with lunch.

We'd found a flyer tucked under the wiper of our car in the village square.

"Come to Che-z Raymond, " it said.

”Come and celebrate the New Year with a gastronomic extravaganza.

”Come and push back the frontiers of pleasure.

”Venez.”

We went.

Ready?

Ready.

Lobster mousse avec la petite sauce, fois gras maison,

beef in pastry With Wild mushrooms,

salad in the local olive oil.

Cheeses. three dessert... orange. chocolat. water ice.

- Do we have the lot? - Madame, this is a symphony, OK?

These are movements, 30?

Silly to ask!

When you're ready, maestro.

Ah, oui.

- He's coming again. - Hide!

No more, monsieur!

Trois. We've had three desserts.

- Four! - I can't!

Lemon tart.

Juste un petit peu.

Voila...et voila! How long 'ave you been here in Provence?

A long time. Two days.

Holiday?

Life.

Have a seat, Monsieur Raymond. Asseyez-vous!

He's quite French when he's...

You see, we actually did it.

We stopped work. Threw it all in.

Tout arrété.

You see before you, Monsieur Raymond,

the somewhat flushed remains of an advertising executive

and a tax inspector

Who took "le plunge".

So, a votre plonge!

Le plonge!

And somewhat the worse for wear, we set off for home along the D109

at the foot of the Lube'ron mountains

driving through the quite impressive 247,000 acres

of our new back garden.

We'd stumbled on our house one beautiful summer afternoon

and had mentally moved in by dinner.

It was a mas.

A romantic solid stone farmhouse built about 200 years ago,

standing alone in the vines.

I'd come here to write a move-Jr and I'd wasted no time.

The work room was prepared, the table cleaned, chair comfortable.

A” that remained was to do it.

Annie! What's for supper'.7

And a happy new year to you too.

Yes it is.

As a matter of fact, you'll never guess. I'm sitting by "the pool".

You're Where?

You're not! Really?

Of course! We'd just love to see you. Love to.

No problem.

Lunch? Tremendous!

It's easy. You've got the change of address card.

Well, there's a plan of how to get here on the back.

We'll see you then. Ciao!

Ciao?

The Hopkins. They're in Italy.

They want to pop in on their way back to London - just for a meal.

Sue says she can't wait to have a look.

I'd love them to see.

I wouldn't come. Not if I were them.

- Why not? - Come here?

And then go back there?

It's dangerous.

I mean once you've seen it, you're sunk, aren't you?

Once you've seen What?

This!

Paradise!

I almost feel like a swim.

Annie?

Asleep.

Are you hoovering'?

No hoovering.

Someone's hoovering.

Merde!

If you've been blackberrying on the South Downs in a force 10 gale,

you probably think you know a few things about wind

but this particular local variety, the Mistral,

has a breezy personality of its own and was at this moment

in the process of relandscaping our courtyard.

Amongst its other tricks, so legend has it,

the Mistral upturns old ladies, rips the ears off donkeys

and drives other people round the bend.

We thought that this was a” a bit exaggerated.

It wasn't!

What's happening?

It's a bit Windy, that's all.

- Is it normal? - No idea!

- That's wonderful, isn't it? - What's wonderful?

We've no idea What's normal any more.

Coffee?

That's wonderful as well.

Why?

You can't have any.

Why not?

The pipes are frozen.

In Provence?

Maybe we should have rubbed them With garlic.

Hello?

I mean "Allo?"

I can't hear a word.

Balaclava!

Hello!

Oh! How nice!

Yes, I'm sure we can put you up.

July? No problem.

Yeah, we'll be in touch nearer the time.

Bye-bye!

And a happy...

The Tompkins.

They're coming to see us this summer.

- They already rang. - No, that was the Hopkins.

The Hopkins!

Peter, they're coming tomorrow!

- So? - No water!

No food!

Action!

Er... What colour are the Yellow Pages?

Monsieur Mayle?

Bonjour, monsieur!

Entreprise Colombani, électricité, plombier a vos service.

Alors, ou est le probléme?

Er... The problem is...er...

C'est.. .er...

Le pipes...sont bursté.

C'est terrible! Regards-2.

Nous avons oles amies tomorrow et...

Les tap rien.

Uh! Oui.

Oh la la! Regarde ca.

Pas d'isolation.

No insulation, is that it?

Savez comme j'appelle ca, Madame Mayle, une plomberie de Parisienne.

Une plomberie de Parisienne.

What's he say?

I think he's saying it's typical Parisian holiday home plumbing.

Tell him we're not Parisian.

- Don't think I need to, darling. - Ah, I'été!

IIs ont cassé Ie barrage avec Ieurs bikinis.

Why's he talking about bikinis?

Pas de panic. On va vous arranger 9a, Madame Mayle.

He's going to fix it.

You're our saviour, Monsieur Colombani.

Vous étes notre sauveur.

Pour une belle femme comme vous, Madame Mayle...

Qu'est-ce qu'on ne ferait pas?

Provence had always been a dream.

A dream of heat, of light, of markets smelling of basil.

Now, suddenly, the climate had turned Arctic

and our romantic solid stone farmhouse

under the professional scrutiny of Mr Colombani's power drill

didn't look quite so solid

or romantic.

Ah! II est humide ce mur, il faudra chauffer cette maison.

He says we're going to need central heating.

Surely the Wind's going to die out. Ask him.

How long, Monsieur Colombani'.7

Le Mistral.

Hein? Pas Iongtemps.

Not long.

Deux sema'mes cu trcfls sema'mes.

Three weeks?

Je vous explique. Venez.

La tetra.

The Earth.