King of the Hill

Grandma, you put the cookies back in breakfast.

Oh, my goodness, the time. I am field tripping in an hour

and I can't remember any good songs for the bus.

Now, what does that John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt do again?

He goes out. People shout.

Not a whole lot more is known about him.

-(slurps) -(thuds)

I'm sorry, honey but I don't have time to cook you breakfast.

Here.

Promise me that you'll eat two bowls. It is the most important meal of the day.

Okay.

I love you, grandma.

-(footsteps) -(water trickles)

Morning, son.

Did your mom have time

to cook you breakfast before she left?

- No. - Oh, geez.

We got any cereal?

I believe we do.

What is that, oatmeal? Ugh!

Better put some sugar on that.

Alright. Now, as you all know, Mother's Day is coming up

and I thought it might be fun

to talk about famous moms throughout history who...

Owned slaves.

Uh... No.

What I was going to...

Going to say.

Yes. What I was going...

- to say... - Going to say, going to say.

We heard the preview, now get to the feature!

Bobby...

- Bobby! - Bobby!

I think you better see the nurse.

Okay.

-(footsteps running) -(Bobby panting)

Mr. Hill, I've diagnosed your son

with attention deficit disorder.

He's probably had it for years.

What? Well, how come nobody ever noticed this before?

Very few people have access to the pamphlets I do.

Here, take one.

Huh. You know I have noticed the boy's mind wanders sometimes

when I'm lecturing him.

A mental disorder would explain that.

Personally, I recommend

putting him on one

of the many popular A.D.D medications now available.

I don't like the idea of putting my boy on drugs.

Isn't there some kind of operation?

Your only other option

is to send him to the special school across town.

He'll have to wear a uniform.

Can he button his own shirt?

You bastards.

-(light music) -(crickets chirping)

Ritalin,

cylert, tofranil, deseprimine...

All sounds like goofathol to me.

What if this is all my fault?

A mother should be there for her baby

when he's in trouble, not halfway across town.

Oh, sure, I'm a hotshot substitute teacher

but sometimes I don't even have time

to make my own son breakfast.

Huh. Well, it is called attention deficit disorder.

Maybe the boy's not getting enough attention.

Sometimes I think I should just quit my job

and devote myself full-time to being a mother.

Uh, you know what am I saying?

Quit my job?

That's crazy talk.

Now, wait a minute, Peggy.

Crazy is a very strong word.

You're just thinking out loud.

Bobby is crazy.

I just couldn't turn my back on my career like that.

I'll tell you what, Peggy.

My own mom never worked in her life.

Home, that's what mattered to her

and she just kept making it stronger every day

until the divorce.

Well, I will save some money

on faculty room football pools

and I can get another year out of these glasses.

Maybe we can try it a little while

for Bobby's sake.

Hank, if you'll support me on this,

baby, I'll do it.

Now, the main thing is not to worry.

What you have is...

Well, technically, they call it a disease.

A disease?

But not a regular disease like you get in your body.

It's a much more... rare disease

in your brain.

Now, I know we've talked a lot

about how you should never do drugs

but from now on, you'll be taking medication

after every meal.

So, do I smoke it or snort it, or what?

It's a pill, Bobby.

So, I guess I'll just pop it, then.

You will not pop it.

You will place it in your mouth.

Bobby,

do you know who I am?

I'm Luanne, remember?

HANK (sighs): He has A.D.D, Luanne.

He didn't get hit in the head with a coconut.

Here you go, my little angel.

Now that I'm not working I had time to make you

pancakes, and we've got eggs and bacon

arranged in one of three facial expressions

depending upon your mood.

Well, I guess I'll take happy

as in happy about this old-fashioned family breakfast.

I better go soon, or I'm going to miss my bus.

Oh.

But I made...

Well, Bobby, this is it.

You're going to take your first pill now

and in about a half hour, you should find yourself

real interested in stuff

that would normally bore the pants off you.

'Round and 'round and 'round it goes

when he eats it, nobody knows.

Well, what have we here?

Just pop the pill, Bobby.

Feel anything yet?

Starting to...

Anyway, and then, after I sent him off to school

I did a bunch of errands, and I still had time

to submit a quotable quote to Reader's Digest.

Some people like to stay as busy as a bee

but I like to stay as busy as a bee plus.

Oh! But you know, I almost worry

I have too much time now.

That can be a problem, Peg.

Myself, I clip coupons.

I think we'd all go a little crazy

without coupons.

Ah, that's funny.

Uh.

There are 96 ridges on every checker

except this one.

Family game time.

I love it.

So, how was your day, Peggy?

Well, I bought an ice cube tray.

Then I took it back.

Well, I tell you what, I think I may get out the guitar

and have a family sing-along tonight

just like we used to that one time.

Just got to drop by Earl's and get Betsy some new strings.

You're leaving the house?

- You don't have to come, Peggy. -(guitar strumming)

I'm sure you've had a full day.

- Just stay here and relax. -(horn honking)

Let's go!

Hmm. Funny.

I never saw Peggy as the stay-at-home type.

Well, she's got two full-time jobs now.

Wife and mother.

It's longer hours and less pay

but you don't hear me complaining.

Heh-heh-heh.

Ah. Seriously, though, we're loving it.

Hmm.

-(light music) -(birds chirping)

So, you know a few chords

already, then?

Huh? Oh, yes.

I have picked up a couple from my husband, and that...