Irish Blood

You wanna know how I ended up here?

Actually, I blame my father.

See, when I was a kid,

I idolized many heroes.

But two of them loomed the largest.

One was my father.

Handsome and funny.

And I guess you could say, mysterious.

My other hero was my mom.

She was witty and glamorous,

with a heart of gold.

Oh, hey!

She made an art out of making a home.

Do you know what this is?

Do you know what this is?

Traditional Irish folk music!

Right out of Dublin, my pretty! Come on.

They were crazy about each other.

We were the perfect family.

Until we weren't.

Oh, my god.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday, honey.

Here. Here, here, here. Come sit with me.

Guess what? - And to this day...

Mom?

Over 30 years later...

What happened?

I still haven't forgiven the cowardly shit waffle

that beat up my mom and left us to fend for ourselves.

And that's why I became a divorce lawyer.

You want my advice?

Trust no one.

Don't be fooled by charming narcissists.

They will use you and abuse you.

They will rip out your heart,

throw it on the ground and stomp on it

until there's nothing but a gooey, sticky mess.

Wow, wasn't that inspirational, right?

Okay, does anyone have any questions for Ms. Fox?

Okay, go ahead.

What's a "shit waffle"?

That is a shit talker who is also an asshole.

Okay!

Field trip is over.

Thank you so much for your visit.

That went rather well, don't you think?

You have certainly

given them lots to discuss

15 years from now with their therapists.

Therapy has done wonders for me.

I can tell.

But now, we are celebrating

Nancy Buchanan's alimony settlement.

- To vengeance. - To justice...

We won.

You poured a huge shot!

By the way, I booked your usual room.

And Mom sent your favorite, mm-hmm.

Excellent. You pick for me.

Fun.

Okay, how about this guy?

Um, looking for long term.

- Pass. - Okay, seeking life partner?

- Pass. - "Are you my soulmate"?

- Hard pass. - He looks nice.

And you're terrible at this.

Oh. Looks like you already have a date tonight.

Dave says he can't wait to see you?

- Hmm? - He loves you.

Oh, yeah. Forgot.

Sure. You could invest in stocks, bond, mutual funds.

You could. My point is Bitcoin is big screw you to the system.

Crypto empowers the little guy--

Whoa, look how late it is.

Time to go bye-bye.

It's 9:30.

I'm like snoring by 10:00.

Aww.

I was thinking this time I'd stay the night.

Let's take this relationship...

to the next level.

How's that sound?

Um...

You gotta go.

You gotta go, Dave.

Sorry.

Hi, good morning.

Good morning.

How was Dave?

Ah, uh, Dave.

Dave is "finito." Done like dinner.

I thought he might be boyfriend material.

Boyfriend material? What am I, 14?

What's on this morning?

Uh, new client, contested divorce, and...

this came in the mail for you today.

You open it.

Might have anthrax.

I... Stop.

I've made a lot of enemies.

Is there anything else?

Mmm, says it's from Wicklow, Ireland,

which is... random.

- What? - Yeah.

Oh! Sheesh!

Is this a bad omen?

Because I feel like this is a bad omen.

It's fine. Everything is perfectly fine.

Okay, great. I'm gonna go get the broom

and some sage and, um...

remember that your meeting is with--

Marjorie Westmiller, 15 minutes, gotcha.

And worthy justice bites the dust.

You've reached Declan Murphy Accounting.

Please leave a message.

It's Fiona.

Your daughter.

I got your package.

I don't know what this is all about,

but after 30 years of no word, Declan,

if you want to talk to me--

Dad?

Who's your dad, luv?

Declan Murphy.

He left a message for you.

He left me a message?

Why didn't he just call me?

The message is...

Blackbeard holds the key

to the treasure.

What? Why are you whispering?

I think mysteries are best left whispered.

Hello? What the actual hell?

Damn it.

And so it goes.

How's that? - It is perfect, thank you.

Good, good. I'll get Erin to wrap that up for you.

Have a happy retirement party. - Oh, thanks, Mary.

Hey. - Retirement party?

Yeah, dozen English professors.

They're jacked up on sugar, deconstructing Dickinson.

It's gonna be a rager.

What's up?

Well, this was delivered to my office.

What is it?

Well, that's Declan's handwriting, isn't it?

It... might be.

Well, that's the number to his accounting firm in Wicklow.

I heard his voice on his answering machine--

- You called him? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, Fi, I don't know about this.

I mean, after all this time--

I'll finally be able to live out my lifelong fantasy

of tearing him a new one.

No, I just...

I, we don't know what kind of man he's become

or what he might be messed up in.

I just...

Let it go. Honey, just forgive and forget.

Well, I don't forgive him.

I don't forgive him for leaving us.

It was 30 years ago.

I don't forgive him for never coming back!

Why would you want him back? The man was a trainwreck--

I don't want him back.

I want to look him in the eye

and ask him how he could leave me.

Us. And on my goddamn 10th birthday.

I can't deal with this right now.

Some things are just not worth knowing.

- Mom... - Mary, you have a customer.

Oh, I have a customer. Not now, Fi.

- I'll wait. - Don't. We'll talk tomorrow.

- Somehow, I doubt that. - Hey, Denise.

- Hi! - Oh. Unbelievable.

I sense you're in

a cherry cheesecake frame of mind.

Bye, Mom.

See you, honey.

Thank you.

What do you mean? You're in Ireland?

I took the red eye. I had to.

What about your appointments?

I'll only be here for a day.

I just wanna track down Declan

and interrogate his ass until he tells me

why he suddenly metamorphosed

into a complete jackass on my 10th birthday.

Okay. What about the mystery locker photo?

There better be a TurboClash Deluxe action figure in there.

A what?

Uh... nothing.

I'll text you later.

Welcome to Wicklow, Fiona.

I've been expecting you.

I bet you weren't expecting this...

Holy Christ.

This one's got an arm on her.

Fiona meet Fiona.