Marty

- Hello, Sam. - Hi, Marty.

Thanks.

Your kid brother got married Sunday,

- huh, Marty? - That's right, Mrs. Rosari,

it was a very nice affair.

The tall fella with the mustache?

- No, no, that's my other brother, Freddie.

My other brother, Freddie,

got married about four years ago.

He lives down on webb Avenue.

No, the one who got married Sunday,

that's my kid brother, Nicky.

I thought he was a big, tall, fat fella?

Didn't I meet him here one time?

A big, tall, fat fella, tried to sell me life insurance?

- Oh, no, that's my sister Margaret's husband, frank.

My sister Margaret, she married the insurance salesman,

and my sister, Rose, she married the contractor.

They moved to Detroit last year.

And my other sister, Frances,

she got married, oh, about two and a half years ago

in St. John's church, in kingsbridge Avenue.

Oh, that was a very nice affair.

Well, let's see now, that'll be $1.79.

How's that with you, Mrs. Rosari?

Well.

Hey, Marty, I'm in a hurry.

You're next right now, miss candusso.

When you gonna get married, Marty?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

All your brothers and sisters younger than you,

they get married, they got children.

I met your mother in the fruit store.

She said to me, "hey, you know a nice girl

for my boy Marty?"

What's the matter with you?

That's no way, what's the matter with you?

Now you get married, you hear what I say.

- Mrs. Rosari. - My boy, frank,

was 19 years old when he get married.

What's the matter with you?

That's swell, Mrs. Rosari.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

- Marty, I want a nice, big, fat pullet, about four pounds.

I hear your kid brother got married last Sunday?

That's right, it was a very nice affair.

- Marty, you oughta be ashamed of yourself.

All your kid brothers and sisters married and got children.

When are you gonna get married?

Over in the national league,

double-headers everywhere except in Milwaukee.

Giants are playing St. Louis.

- The giants are gonna wind up in the cellar, in the cellar.

Thank you.

Hey, Lou, turn on the dodger game.

The giants took the first game.

Hey, what happened, the game over?

- Yanks won 'em both. - What score?

- They murdered 'em. - Any homers, whoo.

- So anyway, Leo and me, we're sitting in the bar

there you see, and these two girls come in.

Hey, Angie come in yet?

So these two girls come over to the bar.

Hey, ange, you want a beer?

And they sit down right beside me.

Yeah, I guess so.

So I look over, the one next to me-

hi, Lou.

About 35. Hiya, Marty.

Hi, Ralph.

- Hey, Marty, I'm telling these guys about two nurses

Leo and me picked up in a joint on 71st street.

- Hey, Lou, let me have two beers, will ya?

- So, Marty, let me tell you about these two nurses.

- Man, oh, man. - Hey, how about that, huh?

What'd you reading there, Joe?

Hey, Lou, turn the television set off.

They shouldn't sell magazines like this.

That's the truth.

- Imagine the effect this has on adolescents.

Now that's something, huh?

- I used to go out with a girl who looked like that.

You should live so long.

Hey, Richie, the Yankees took two today.

Hey, Marty.

Hey, Marty, ah, Leo and me, we got a date

with these two nurses tonight, you know?

So I mean, we gotta take them somewheres first,

you know what I mean?

So I'm kinda hard up for cash right now, and I.

I owe you 10 bucks already, don't I?

I'll find it somewhere else.

Hey, hey, Richie.

That Ralph, boy.

He's always got girls but no money.

Out it out, will ya?

- See ya, Ralph. - See ya, Joe.

What you feel like doing tonight?

I don't know, ange.

What you feel like doing?

- Well, we ought to do something, it's Saturday night.

I don't wanna go bowling like last Saturday.

Hey, how about calling up that big girl we picked up

in the movies about a month ago up in the rko Chester?

Which one was that?

- You know, that big girl that was sitting in front of us

with the skinny friend?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Remember, her name was Mary feeney.

We took them home all the way out in Brooklyn.

What do you, you think we ought to give them a call?

I'll take the skinny one.

- Yeah, she maybe got a date already, ange.

- So we give them a ring, what can we lose?

I didn't like her.

I don't feel like calling her up.

- Well, what do you feel like doing tonight?

I don't know, ange.

What do you feel like doing?

We're back to that, huh?

I say to you, "what do you feel like doing tonight?"

And you say back to me, "I don't know,

what do you feel like doing tonight?"

Then we wind up sitting around your house

with a couple of cans of beer,

watching "hit parade" on television.

I'll tell you what I feel like doing.

I feel like going up to see Mary feeney.

She likes you.

What makes you say that?

Man, I could see she likes you.

- Yeah, sure. - Call her.

You call her up yourself, ange.

I don't wanna call her.

Well, how about going down 72nd street?

See what we can find down there?

Ralph says you got to beat them off with clubs.

Boy, you're getting to be a real drag, you know that?

- Listen ange, I've been looking for a girl

every Saturday night of my life.

I'm 34 years old, I'm just tired of looking, that's all.

I'd like to find a girl.

Everybody's always telling me,

"get married, get married, get married."

Don't you think I wanna get married?

I wanna get married.

Everybody drives me crazy.

Now, I don't wanna wreck your Saturday night for you.

You wanna go somewhere, you go ahead.

I don't, I don't wanna go.

Boy, my old lady too.

Every word out of her mouth, "when you gonna get married?"

My mother, boy, she drives me crazy.

So, what do you feel like doing tonight?

I don't know, ange,

what you feel like doing?

Hello? Yeah, he's here.

Marty, your mother's on the phone.

My mother?

He's coming now, Mrs. Piletti.

Hey, Marty, I'm going home.

Hey, well, listen, ange,

come on over about 7:30, will you?

We'll think of something.

Hello, ma, what's the matter?

- Your cousin Thomas and his wife Virginia,

they're here, they're waiting to see you.

- Okay, ma, I'll be home in about two or three minutes.

Listen, ma, tell Thomas to stick around.

I wanna see him about something.

Okay, you come on home, huh? Okay.

Marty's coming right home.

- So what happened, aunt Teresa, about this milk bottle

was my mother-in-law.

She comes in the kitchen,

she begins poking her head over my shoulder here,

poking her head over my shoulder there.

So then she begins telling me how I waste money,

and I can't cook and I'm raising my baby all wrong.

And she got me so nervous I spilled the milk

I was making for the baby.

- Tommy, your mother, she's my sister, but sometimes.

So she says, "you're spilling the milk."

And she kept talking

about these couple of drops of milk I spilled.

So finally she got me so mad I said,

"mama, mama, you wanna see me really spill some milk?"

So I picked up the bottle and I threw it against the door.

But I didn't throw it at her.

That's just something she made up.

She goes around telling everybody

I threw a bottle of milk at her.

I didn't throw it anywheres near her.

Well, anyway, I was sorry right away, you know,

but she ran out of the house and i-

- I don't know what you want me to do, Virginia,

but if you want me to, I come to your house tonight

and I talk to her.

Well, I'll tell ya, aunt Teresa, we.

Let me tell it, Tommy.