Zooey & Adam

[pop tune playing over speaker)

[both panting)

[Zooey panting)

[Zooey moaning)

[both panting)

I'm staying in.

[Zooey giggling)

I'm not going anywhere.

Good boy. [Giggling)

[Zooey moaning)

Thank you.

That will be $50, please.

[Zooey laughing)

Let's do it second.

- You know what I read? - What?

That the egg chooses the sex.

No, it's the sperm.

No, that's not what I read.

That's what I always thought, but apparently the egg waits

and as all the sperm's around it, and it chooses the sperm.

Okay.

It lets one sperm enter.

Somehow the egg knows which sperm needs to be its sperm.

I read that.

You have pretty smart eggs.

Yeah, my eggs are pretty smart.

[rock tune playing over speaker)

Huh, I wonder if my parents listened to music

when I was conceived, what it would have been.

It was probably Joan Baez.

[Zooey laughing)

Well, either way, the kid is, you know.

The kid conceived to this album will be a...

You know, an individual weirdo.

[Zooey laughing)

Which is fine.

Solitary soul.

- Who's not afraid... - Loyal.

Who's not afraid to fuck up and frequently does so.

- But still is well loved. - By hippies.

Could I ever imagine your parents doing it to music?

Classical or the Rankin Family. [Laughing)

- Or Anne Murray. - [Zooey laughing)

Probably Anne Murray.

[sighing)

So?

How did that one rate?

It's hard because the environmental factors.

You know, it was hot.

- It was hot, so hot. - A little too hot.

But that wasn't our fault.

- You want to know, I know. - Yeah, I'd like to know.

It's off the charts, because, you know,

we're not doing it for pleasure, purely for pleasure.

What are you talking about?

I mean, there's pleasure involved.

I don't think, you know,

when you submit my overall ratings

to the powers that be,

I don't want these included on it.

Definitely over 5, right?

How come I can tell you, but you can't tell me?

No, I'm not gonna tell you.

Why do you always have to do this?

I think, in situations like this,

we should concentrate on quantity, not quality.

So do you enjoy quantity?

This was the first one of the day.

That's as far as I'll go.

How did that guy...?

We passed that guy before,

and he multiplied and turned into three people.

[Zooey chuckling)

[birds singing)

[Zooey moaning)

[Zooey giggling)

[woman singing in foreign language)

This meteor, what's it look like?

A piece of burning rock.

No, but now, like, do they have it somewhere?

Well, it's at the bottom of the lake.

Seven. Seven months.

It was right after I opened the store.

What?

That wasn't to have a baby, my friend. [Laughing)

It means that I can graduate early, and so

then I could start working.

And maybe we can move.

Because I know that it's getting frustrating

living right downtown like that.

It sounds great.

Where do I sign?

Well, we just have to wait to [indistinct).

It means I'd be gone again for...

- All right. - On and off

for about a six-month period.

You'd be the resident hot girl in the tent, eh?

[Zooey laughing)

Thanks for listening to me.

I ramble on.

What were you saying?

Nothing.

I said, thanks for listening. [Laughing)

Go on. Go on.

There's a really good spot over here.

I don't want to fall off a cliff.

Wouldn't it be awesome?

It would be so awesome.

- If we fell off a cliff? - Yeah, hm.

Imagine conceiving the baby in freefall.

Mm, mm-hm, mm-hm, never to be born.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

I just get scared that maybe, you know, what if I've

I've never had a sperm count

or gotten anyone pregnant before.

- You know? - Yeah.

I feel like.

I don't want to talk about that anymore.

[Zooey giggling)

You need me just like I need you, right?

I do need you.

Do you really?

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Maybe have a baby with someone else. [Laughing)

I don't think so.

Thank you.

It's true.

[footsteps approaching)

Ah, busted!

[men laughing)

[men speaking indistinctly)

What are you guys doing up so late?

Hey, sweetie, how you doing?

Be cool, buddy.

What?

Yeah, we're fucking cool.

Where did you guys come from?

- What's the problem? - No problem, guys.

- No problem. - We were just getting licked.

My buddy Chad, he had a rough night.

- Well, that's too bad. - Rough fucking day.

Fucking bitch dumped me.

- You know how it goes. - Yeah.

Yeah, but you guys know how to party, right?

We want to show him a good time.

Where's the fucking hot dogs?

We're not partying tonight.

Not partying?

It's 3:00 a.m.!

Why aren't you partying?

- No. - What are you doing up?

We came a little off the beaten path,

- so we didn't. - Yeah, you're [indistinct)?

have to party, you know?

Well, we came off the beaten path too, right?

I want to see what's in the tent.

- Yeah. - Hey, hey, [indistinct)!

Guys.

Hey, hey, don't go in there. Don't go in there.

Yeah, what's in the tent?

You guys should just move on, please.

- Move on? - Yeah, guys.

That's kind of rude, don't you think?

Come on, guys, were having... [voices overlapping)

Where's the fucking welcome here?

Excuse me?

What, you got a problem?

I don't have a problem.

Why you want us to move on then

if you don't have a problem?

[voices overlapping) Why don't we just sit down

and have a nice friendly drink together?

We're trying to have a nice time too.

Not very nice of you to send us on our way, huh?

- Looks, guys... - What the fuck

makes you so good, huh?

I don't have a problem with you.

I hope you guys are having a really fun night.

Does it seem like he's got a problem?

- What do you think, Chad? - I hope you guys...

You think he's got a problem?

I think he's just a rich fucking kid

who has his piece of fucking ass, and we got shit.

Is that what it is?

He thinks he's better than us.

You think you're better than us?

- Is that what it is? - I don't think anything.

Chad, you know why you're here, man.

I think that's what you think.

- Is that what you think? - That's it.

No, guys.

Guys, I think you really got to go right now, okay?

- Let's just go. - You want to go?

I'll tell you where we want to go.

We want to go for a little date with your girlfriend

is where we want to go.

Hey, get your fucking hands off me!

Get your fucking hands off me, you son of a!

No! [Sobbing)