Maggie

Oh, your parents put out a birthday balloon for you.

I can't believe it took us over an hour to get here.

I can't believe you kept intentionally giving me the wrong address.

Full disclosure, I'm very excited

and also very terrified for you to meet my parents.

Oh, don't worry.

At this point, the worst thing that can happen

is they like me more than you do.

- Well, that's when Maggie had her headgear removed.

Other kids would see her and scream.

What you got going on downstairs?

Wow. You threw that right in my face.

Great, great, great party.

Oh. - It's over. Maria, forget it.

You know what else could be fun?

- Hmm? - If we leave the party before it starts

and set the world record for the most Irish Irish exit.

- I know this may be hard for you to believe,

but I'm actually excited to learn where you came from.

See! We're making memories already!

Mom! Turn it off!

I have no idea how to turn that off.

Happy birthday! It's so loud.

Why is the alarm even set?

We're having people over.

- Well, yeah, I wanted everyone to feel safe.

- Do you feel safe? - I feel like I'm robbing a safe.

Mm-hmm.

Ah.

Guys, hi,

this is Daniel--

- Jack, get the phone. It's probably the alarm company.

You have to get them the password.

Otherwise, they send someone out to make sure

we're not being murdered.

Or worse.

What's worse than being murdered?

Oh, thank you, Daniel.

I've heard almost nothing about you,

but that says more about my daughter than about you.

That. That is worse.

So this is my mom.

Oh please. Mom was my mother's name.

- Fine. Hold it one second. Um, Maria, the password?

- It's a... Oh shoot. Uh, what did we tell the man?

What man?

- The man. The security man. He came to install it.

We were out back. We told him the password.

Oh shoot.

Uh, what was it?

Okay. Okay, you know what?

I'm going to have to call you back,

uh, but I promise you we're not about to be murdered.

Yeah, I know.

That does sound like something a murderer would say, doesn't it?

But would he say this? Toodles!

- Wow. Our landlords have a very nice place.

I keep forgetting that Jack's a doctor. - I know.

He strikes me as a guy who just hangs out in the park.

- Hi, everybody. Hello.

Sorry we're late.

- Oh, a bottle of wine for the birthday girl, huh?

Ooh.

- The birthday girl? It's, it's Maggie's birthday?

Oh, I did not know that.

I thought this was just like a dinner party,

and I thought it was weird we were invited.

Good thing we bought a bottle of wine.

- I just invested in this vineyard up in Napa.

It's a micro micro vineyard.

This is one of only three bottles.

- Babe, that was supposed to be the gift for Maggie.

- It was? Oh. Yes.

- Just put our name on whatever you brought.

- Sorry. You don't get to just waltz in and take credit.

Our gift is super thoughtful.

Oh. What did you get her?

- I don't know. Ben, what do we get her?

Hmm.

We got her a vintage book on the occult

that we found on one of my solo walks downtown.

I just fell asleep. That was so boring.

- Hey, guys. Hey.

Hey, happy birthday.

- Thank you. Oh, Lou, you got me a candle.

- It smells like the lip smackers you used to eat.

Ooh.

Delicious.

Angel, thank you for respecting our no gifts rule.

- To be clear, I am not in favor of that rule.

And I like cash.

Maggie, happy birthday.

This is from only us.

- Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for the book.

I'm flattered you think I read.

Uh, you didn't even open it yet.

I do, in about a week.

- Well, ours isn't here yet. It's coming soon.

- Yeah, in our defense, we didn't know it was your birthday.

- Don't even worry about it. You guys don't have to get me anything.

- Oh good. - I do have to go rescue Daniel, though.

I think he's with my parents.

I, I don't get it.

I mean, where's the fun in getting Maggie a gift

if she already knows what it is.

It's very hard to surprise a psychic.

It's one of the many reasons I've never been impressed

by Mr. Night Shyamalan.

Hmm.

I bet I could surprise her. Mm-hmm.

I've been told that my energy really throws people off.

And that's why we switched therapists.

- Ooh. Ooh. How about we make a game of it?

Whoever surprises the birthday girl first wins.

Yes. I love games. Maybe too much.

Which is why we can't keep them at our place anymore.

- Well, she bit me the last time we played Scrabble,

so I'm on her team.

- I pick Amy. - Aww. Are you playing?

No.

- Dammit. Okay, you're my first choice, babe.

- Oh hey! - I'm bringing my beer.

What are you talking about?

You can totally surprise a psychic.

Maggie's literally shocked every time she sees how long my toenails are.

- Well, of course, you can surprise a psychic.

I walked into a glass door this morning.

I just wanted to see what kind of birthday surprises

these crazy kids come up with.

Oh, Angel, that's really sweet.

- It sprouted out of boredom, but it ripened into sweetness.

You talk like a book.

I talk like a play.

Dad. You ran away earlier.

This is Daniel.

- Oh yeah. I'm sorry about that. Hi, Daniel. Welcome.

Boy, you know, it's kind of odd.

The way Maggie described you, you seemed taller.

Maggie talked about him to you?

- Oh yeah. We went out for ice cream together,

and she was telling me all about her new boyfriend

and how handsome and charming he is.

And, I don't know,

I kind of equate qualities like that with someone

six-two, six-three, something like that.

I love ice cream, Daniel.

Why wasn't I invited to ice cream?

- Oh, uh, sorry, I don't know. I wasn't part of the ice cream getting.

I think that was just your husband and daughter.

Wow. You threw that right in my face.

Okay, I think that's enough for now.

Okay.

Sure.

- Ooh. Well, you have officially met my parents,

and we're still standing.

I do have to warn you, though,

um, I saw some embarrassing things go wrong later.

Nothing big. But, you know, just so that you're prepared--

- Hey, hey. Let's not worry about the future right now.

- Okay. - Okay?

Now let's focus on the present.

Okay.

Oh my god, is this a cookie?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I mean, you gave me one when we met,

so I thought I'd return the favor.

- I feel like the Cookie Monster's girlfriend.

Well, I mean, in a way, you kinda are.

So you really like it?

- I got a call about a security alarm going off.

Everything okay? - Yeah, we're fine.

My husband forgot the password to our new alarm.

Yes, I know your husband.

- That's right. Officer Kantor is the guy who came over

when I was trapped on the roof in my underwear.

Before you roll your eyes back there, I had a good reason.

Thought my pants were up there.

I suggest you find your password.

If I'm called out again, you'll be charged a fine.

Thank you, Officer.

Would you like to stay for my daughter's birthday?

Full disclosure, I caught her smoking marijuana in high school,

but she is clean now.

- Mom. Would you like to share where I found that joint?

She also does comedy.

Yeah.

- If I'm going to Vegas, the only thing I'll bet is Midler.

- Hello? - Oh hello, necklace.

- Oh my gosh. It's from Daniel. It's a cookie.

Oh, wow. Oh, we like him.

- I know. He's passing every test imaginable.

Lou, I can't believe I'm saying this,

but... I think I might actually be in love.

Mags, this is great news!

Are you going to tell him?

- I don't know. It'd have to be the right moment, you know.

I'm freaking out, Lou. I've never said it.

Girl, what you're feeling right now,

that's the stuff that makes life so good.

You should tell him. This is a safe space.