Red Dwarf

Red Dwarf Season 11 Episode 02 - Samsara In memory of J.H.S. SAS MBE - Now there was a lad.

Five!

One, two, three, four, five.

Fuel.

Well?

Mmmm... What to do, what to do?

Free fuel - get refill for free, and throw again.

Let's see.

How come you keep getting great cards?

It's a mystery, isn't it?

I've never been beaten at Mineopoly, Lister.

Undefeated since birth.

In the Space Scouts,

my game play was so legendary, they called me Minotaur.

Is that cause you were half a man who was full of bull?

Because I was like the mythological beast

that no one could pass.

Well, you better not throw a 2 and a 1 then, Rimmer.

Throw a 2 and a 1 and land on my space station,

and your bank is 'rupted, baby.

Lister, I'm not gonna throw a 2 and a 1.

The odds of that are...

eighteen to one. It's not happening.

I win, you can't complain about anything I do for entire week.

I remember the deal.

I win, I can move my lips when I read.

I can leave peetra (?) on the floor

so that you step in it.

I can even snore like an inebriated warthog

and you can't throw frozen onion bhajis at me.

The good times are gonna roll!

Lister, there's only gonna be one winner here,

And that's votres truly.

And when I do, as agreed,

you are going to wear an evening gown,

day and night, until you can play

James Last's Polka Party on the bagpipes.

Here we go!

Anything but a 2 and a 1.

A 2 and a 1. Come to Daddy!

No willing it.

I'm willing it. I'm allowed to will it. I'm willing it.

Stop willing it! You're good at willing it. No willing it!

Come on...

Out! Doesn't count! Doesn't count!

One of the dice came off the table!

Re-throw required.

That doesn't count.

I used my hands, an illegal move. Naughty me!

Re-throw required.

5,382 to 1. No chance.

You couldn't make this up!

Wait.

You throw.

Swap chairs!

Throw.

Do you now accept that you threw a 2 and a 1 and you lost this game?!

Okay! I accept it!!

Just lucky for you, I'm such a good loser!!!!

Hey,

This green blinky thing, we've any idea what it is yet?

It's an escape pod, Sir.

And it seems to be emitting

an unclassified energy field

that's causing minute disruptions

to everything in the local vicinity.

Pretty much as I figured, then!

Talk in English, would ya!?

I'm not fluent in gibberish!!

This is the S.S. Samsara Escape Pod, Ident 12/Beta Two.

Can you read me, over?

Y-yes, we copy, Ident 12/Beta two.

This is very important, you must.....

What happened?!? We lose the link?!?

No matter, Sir.

I'll remote control the pod into the cargo bay.

Who eats ice cream in bed? It's just utterly..

Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

No complaining.

And no complaining about not being able to complain about not complaining.

An entire week,

without being moaned at by you.

It doesn't get better than this!

Do you know what the difference is

between you and me?

I can't store hand luggage in me nostrils.

I am cursed.

I remember the day it happened.

I was nine years old and this busker claimed he was an alien

and wanted to sell me some lucky space dust.

Even at nine, I was no fool.

I knew he was real.

But all I had was my hover fare

to get me home from baton twirling practice.

And as I walked off, he cursed me for life

and I've never had any luck since.

It was just some homeless bloke, Rimmer,

trying to make a buck.

You cant take things like that seriously.

Smeg happens. You just roll with it.

I've been rolling in smeg my whole damned life, Lister.

Don't lecture me about smeg-rolling.

I never get the breaks.

Oh here we go, "Whereas you..."

Whereas you... "...lead a charmed life."

lead a charmed life! Well it's true - you do!

I'm alone in deep space with you!

How charmed is that?!

The crew got wiped out, you survived - that's charmed.

I survived to live the rest of my life with you - not charmed!

I'm dead! How unlucky is that?!?

You're dead but you're still talking to me!

How unlucky is that?!?

Bing bong!

Sorry, Sirs. The bing bong machine is being serviced this evening.

I'm afraid we're on manual.

Sorry to disturb,

but we've salvaged an escape pod with two survivors.

One Colonel Jim Green, and one Professor Rachel Barker.

We're just about to open the booth

and take them to the science room for debriefing.

Message ends. Bing bong!

Acting Senior Commanding Officer Arnold J. Rimmer,

an absolute pleasure to meet you.

Uh, Sir. Uh.

Colonel Green, and Professor Barker.

They're dead!

Hey, their medical reports aren't in yet.

We shouldn't jump to conclusions!

We spoke to Barker then the link went down.

When we opened the pod, we discovered this.

What happened?!?

Well, they appear to have been vaporized, Sir.

Quite how and why, we're not sure.

What do we know about them?

Well, the log tells us that Green

was the ship's human

exploration and mission director.

Barker was a computer scientist.

They were both married, but not to each other.

Surprising!

They look like they'd be the perfect match!

What became of the ship the escape pod escaped from?

The S.S. Samsara.

Have we any idea what happened to that?

Well, judging from the pod's flight recorder,

and the fact that there is no wreckage,

we believe the ship must have crashed on this ocean moon.

It seems to me we should do two things:

One - scatter the ashes.

And two - find this ship.

On to two, then. Find this ship!

So, what are we hoping to find here?

Faster than light drive, quantum computer -

but to be honest,

I'd settle for a bubble gum dispenser.

I wonder what happened to Barker and Green.

Wrist please. Thank you.

Sirs?

Professor Barker reporting for duty.

Welcome to the Samsara, Professor.

This is my colleague, Colonel Green.

Anka.

We were both stationed on Caicos 12, Sir.

Ah, Caicos 12, of course, yes.

We discovered my wife attended

the same college as your husband.

I must get on. I'll catch up with you later, Jim.

Now remind me,

You were a computer scientist specializing in...

What was it again?

I've missed you much!

I thought you'd never get the transfer.

Nor me.

Let's go to my quarters.

Look at this dust.

I love dust.

After fluff, it's my all-time favorite dirt!

We've any idea what caused this crate to crash?

Nothing yet, Sir.

It's a state-of-the-art research ship,

with self-repairing engine parts!

Crashing should have been out of the question.

What's this?!

Well, you can see why they crashed.

Tell me about it.

How can you fly a space ship,

and at the exact same time,

all play Twister?!

I don't think it was Twister they were playing.

Not properly, that's for sure.

Twister is a three-player game.

Everyone here's just waded right in!

Hey! Wait your turn, buddy!

What's the rush?

This is worst and fresh as we got in art school.

How did they die like this? It doesn't make sense.

According to the phys scan,

they were flash-heated to death!

An instant blast