SurrealEstate

Previously, on "Surrealestate"...

Your house? I've been watching it for a while.

Before your grandfather bought the place,

she came next door to complain about the weeds.

Nobody ever saw that lady again.

Your mother?

I'd like to give you the kind of orientation

that any new associate deserves.

There are things that you'll come up against here

that may be new.

Our track record with new employee

retention has been, um...

lackluster.

Megan Donovan.

You're kind of into her.

She's in a relationship and she's a client.

Neat little piles.

This is exactly what we're looking for

Oh, what a view!

I know.

It's my favourite view in the world.

My great‐grandparents owned the land

for a few years before they could afford to build.

But they still came up every summer and pitched a tent.

Some nights, when the sun sets,

it looks like the lake is on fire.

Takes your breath away.

How lovely.

Listen...

If you listen closely,

you can still hear Grammy

gasping for air.

It took her breath away.

Literally.

Forever. She croaked.

Who wants to see the kitchen?

It's nothing fancy, but it works.

Why all the knives?

My family loves a sharp knife.

Long story. Let's go see the deck!

- This is magnificent... - Yeah,

it's a thing with my family.

We spread the ashes in the lake every time

someone buys it at the cottage.

How many people have died here?

I had a cousin who dove off the dock

and broke his spine.

My Uncle Roger threw out his back

trying to kick the cat

and took too much oxycodone.

Oh. Oh, no.

Oh, no!

Oh, my god! Are you okay?

The house!

The house hates you.

Run! Now!

Theme music...

*SURREALESTATE* Season 01 Episode 03

Episode Title: "For Sale by Owner" Aired on: July 307, 2021.

So she failed to sell the place.

Just the latest in a long line of failures

for my big sister, Harper.

You co‐own the cottage?

Yeah, we inherited it from our parents.

See, I do the finances and she just lives there.

I mean, we call her the "caretaker" but, honestly,

she's got nowhere else to go.

You never rent it out?

Never have.

Harper insisted she could sell it herself

without an agent.

Well, you could remove your own appendix, too, but ouch.

Yeah.

Anyhow, it's, uh,

been six months

and we've had a ton of showings and zero offers.

Why do you think it hasn't sold?

Old place. Middle of nowhere.

Apparently, some odd stuff happens.

What kind of odd stuff?

Look, man, I mean...

isn't this kind of what you do?

I mean, drive up there,

talk to Harper.

Well?

Get to it. Chop‐chop.

My research associate is on the case.

We'll get back to you.

What a tool.

I need signatures.

Susan?

I'm jumping on a new listing. I need you to cover

one of our regulars, William Larson.

As in the author?

He is the author.

William Larson?

The master of modern horror?

Don't get starstruck. Larson is kind of a...

- ...challenge. - Dick?

Every time he starts writing a new novel, he buys a new house.

So, he's a frequent flyer.

He's a sure‐fire closing. Can you squeeze him in?

Maybe Zooey will bring you up to speed.

Hey. I worked up a fact sheet for you on the North cottage.

That place has racked up a body count.

Can you email it to me?

I got an errand to run.

So, do you want me to upload some of Larson's previous homes

for comps?

Sure. I have some properties in mind already.

Just so you know, Larson's not like our other clients.

He's very...

I've worked with celebrities before.

Trust me. This is what I do.

Trust me. This is what I do.

Hey, you.

Sorry to bother you. Uh...

I was just, um...

What?

Ah, nothing. Hm.

I was just, uh...

I'll have August come by for a follow‐up.

Make sure that portal gate in the basement is holding.

You can't just check it yourself?

Like, now, maybe?

Uh, actually I have to head up north for a few days.

But August, he'll take care of it.

Well, I better be going.

Brock moved out.

Really?

We're done.

Oh, okay. Ah, sorry to hear.

Not so sorry, but I am surprised.

Are you okay?

I'm okay.

So, I'll, uh, I'll see you around maybe?

'Course.

I'm your residential real estate specialist.

You'd be the real estate guy.

Uh, Luke Roman.

Harper?

Harper.

Harper.

Told Callum we didn't need you. But no.

He prefers to flush thousands of dollars down the toilet.

He's such a tool.

He spoke so well of you.

Nobody is flushing any money away.

In fact, I think your price is too low.

Really?

Yeah. It gives the buyer the impression

that there's something secretly wrong with the place.

Is there something secretly wrong with the place?

You tell me.

Come on, before it gets dark.

You don't want to be here after dark.

It's beautiful. Oh, yeah.

Beautiful, right?

Except at night when it's pitch black

and anything can and anyone can...

Shiplap ceiling is original.

Yeah.

Kitchen is not fancy.

But functional.

Might want to lose a few of these knives.

Unless you're planning on selling it to the Borgias.

Let's go out on the deck.

Oh, I love this!

Do you mind if I...?

That's special.

Grampa made it for Grammy when...

That would be your grandmother, Samantha North.

Right.

She died here, right?

Grammy Sam, yeah.

And if you listen closely, you can still hear her

gasping for...

Sounds like a bunch of people

caught their shuttle to glory here.

Aunts, uncles, cousins.

Yeah.

And their mortal remains

are scattered on the lake, forever...

Is that like a family tradition thing?

Like some families open their presents on Christmas Eve?

That I find creepy. I love the deck.

Your brother mentioned you had some odd stuff happening here.

Footsteps.

Loud bangs in the middle of the night;

the screams of tormented souls...

Uh‐uh‐huh, uh‐huh...

Oof. That is scary.

Yeah.

How'd you hurt your arm?

A whipping wind

came at me from hell itself.

Then...

a strange force

pushed me down the stairs!

Sweet god, no!