At Home with Amy Sedaris

Fish.

Wondrous creatures of the sea.

Exciting to catch, delicious to eat.

Fish, tonight on a very special "At Home With Amy Sedaris."

Fish -- a strange, cold-blooded and limbless creature

that thrives in the stuff we drown in,

a thing of nightmares,

but, when battered and panfried, scrumptious.

Growing up, we always had fish on Fridays.

I believe it had something to do with religion,

but the details are lost to boredom.

But the real takeaway from my childhood is,

"Fish equals Fridays,"

which is why the subtheme for tonight's episode is

"TGIF," or, "Thank God It's Fish Day."

Tonight we'll be having the merry time of our lives

by making a complete fish dinner

with all the trimmings.

Hello, guys or gals.

I don't pretend to know your fishy parts.

That's your business.

Oh! Whoa!

Joining me for dinner, I have some very special guests --

people you've all heard of -- businessmen.

Now, typically, I don't associate with businessmen.

I've never held a white-collar job, and I'm never going to.

But I accept that the world is run by businessmen and,

at some point, you'll probably find yourself

forced to entertain one.

So I got a line on a few of these business types

and invited them over.

I'm excited to say, they will be joining us later in the show.

Finding the right fish can be very confusing.

There are so many types of fish --

canned, sticked, plattered, gefilted.

So I'm going to introduce you to some of my favorites.

With the help of my local fishmonger

and part-time boyfriend,

Magnus here, I will teach you everything you need

to know about fish.

Good to see you this morning.

First up, the Arctic char.

There you go.

Now, this is the less-attractive cousin to the salmon.

Most people prefer salmon but will settle for char,

especially if it's the end of a night of heavy drinking

and all the salmon has been ordered

by the investment bankers.

The red snapper!

Now, you know it's the red snapper because it's red

as you can see here,

a workman-like fish known for its firm texture

and abundance of mercury.

Perfect if slowly poisoning a loved one is on the menu.

Next up is the porgy.

Now, this is perhaps the dumbest fish in the sea,

easily fooled by the most simple of lures.

So simple to catch, you can practically pull up to the pier

in an unmarked van, slide open the door,

and it'll jump right in -- a real dumb-dumb.

Next, the pollock.

Now, this is what I call the utility fish.

Mmm, look at that muscle on Magnus.

The versatile catch used for fake scallops,

imitation crabmeat, and real fish sticks.

Really nice. Mmm.

It's a tall one, baby.

Next up is the monkfish.

This homely drifter is known for its antisocial behavior

and lack of morals.

And finally, we have the fish we will be cooking today --

the river fish.

Now, the river fish is an every fish.

It's always a crowd-pleaser,

assuming the crowd likes river fish.

The river fish welcomes breading and embraces the frying pan.

But before we panfry our little friend, he'll need to be gutted.

Luckily, we know an expert on cleaning fish --

our friend Ruth, The Lady Who Lives in the Woods.

You handle them very nicely.

Oh, hello.

You're just in time to help me clean fish.

Welcome to the lodge.

This is Artemis, our parrot.

Awk!

Here's a basket of fresh river fish

that I caught earlier with my friend Esther,

down at the Chinchiwa Creek, a favorite spot of ours.

We were going to make a weekend out of it,

camping and building fires,

but we got a late start because Esther overslept.

So we didn't get to do all the things we had planned.

But sometimes life is that way --

lazy and full of unkept promises.

Point is, Esther, she'd sleep the day away if I let her,

and I'm not gonna let her,

especially when we had an agreed-upon departure time.

But we can't dwell in the past,

even if it was just this morning.

Artemis: Awk!

And look at these little beauties.

I've been a little hard on Esther, but we did bring home

just a lovely basket of fish.

Didn't we, Esther?

Isn't it nice to see a basket of fish?

Aside from her occasional tardiness,

one couldn't hope for a better fishing partner than Esther.

The first thing we do when cleaning a fish

is to have a go at these rough scales.

When you scale a fish,

it's important to make sure it stays moist.

Okay, I'm struggling here because the fish dried out

as they were transported in a basket.

And why were they transported in a basket?

Because I assumed we'd be coming home straightaway.

But Esther had other plans.

Remember, Esther, we had to pull off the road

so you could do a charcoal drawing

of that field of thistle?

Point is, we now have a basket of dry river fish on our hands.

Let's just move on to gutting.

Grip your fish.

Remove the head by cutting above the gill.

Or in the case of dried-out fish, just snap the head off.

And then insert the fillet knife into the anus,

drawing the knife toward the head,

splitting the fish to the base of the gills.

Rip open the abdominal cavity with your fingers,

and remove the guts.

Now, most people quickly dispose of the fish innards.

I like to sauté them and feed them to our cats,

Hodge and Podge.

Oh, our cats are circling.

They know a treat is coming.

Now, I say "our" cats, but who does all the feeding,

litter scooping, and neutering?

Do you know the answer to that one, Esther?

Thanks for spending some time with us here in the lodge.

I hope you learned some handy tips on cleaning a fish.

But at the least, I hope you took away some good vibes.

What do you have to say, Artemis?

Awk!

I couldn't agree more.

Thank you, Ruth.

I've got the skillets heating up and the fish lying down.

When we return, a "TGIF" Friday fish fry.

I have a very simple preparation for frying fish --

a light dusting of flour, a little salt and pepper,

and into a hot skillet coated with olive oil.

This recipe also works for chicken,

known as the fish of the ground.

Now, these fillets are a little big for a single portion,

so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna cut them in half.

Okay?

Here we go.

Oh!

A dull knife -- a cook's worst enemy.

A dull knife? What am I gonna do?

Oh, Knife Man?

Knife Man!

Tony Pugnalata at your service.

Oh, it's so nice to see you.

Nice to see you.

Well, Tony, what do you think about this?

Let's see. What do you need it for?

Well, to cut things.

Oh, gosh, no, that needs to be sharpened,

but it's still excellent for stabbing.

Oh.

Well, I don't have much need for stabbing.

Spend a few nights at a men's shelter.

You'll get real good at it.

I would like to introduce you to Vincent.

Oh, you name your knives?

They name themselves.

Okay.

Well, how do you sharpen a knife?

Excellent question, Amy.

There are a lot of schools of thought on this.

Some people prefer a, uh, oil hone or a dry hone.

What I like is a Japanese water stone.

And when it comes to sharp blades,

the Japanese really know of which they speak.

Just ask any of our boys who survived the Bataan Death March.

Oh, well... Mm-hmm.

What I do is start out with a heavier grit.

And what we like to do now is we switch over to a finer grit

and remove some of the burrs that may have developed.

That sounds nice. I like that.

Well, it feels real nice, too.

You almost went into a trance, there, Tony.

Yeah, it really is soothing.

It takes a lot of time...

Uh-huh. ...but knives are patient,

unless they're provoked.

Oh, gosh, you're so knowledgeable.