South Park

Episode 310: Chinpokomon

No, Kitty! These are my spicy hot Louisiana baked chicken tenders!

Someday I will collect all the Chinpokomon! Then, I will fight the evil power that

will reveal itself once all the Chinpokomon are collected! Oha!

No, Kitty! You can't have these chicken tenders, because

they are mine and I keep mine to myself!

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for another inexplicable episode of Chinpokomon!

Hooray!

- Hey, kids! Do you love Chinpokomon?! - Yes!

Well, now you can buy your very own!

I've got to buy Chinpokomon! I've got to buy it!

I've got to buy it!

Now, you can collect them all!

FurryCat! DonkeyTron! Pengon!

Shoe! LambToy!

Collect them all and you can become Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster?! Holy Shit!

All the Chinpokomon are in stores now!

Chinpokomon is super universe toy number one!

I've got to buy it! Chinpokomon!

Mom! Mom!

Mom! Seriously! This thing at the toy store, Mom! Hnya! Must go! Toy store!

Eric! Calm down!

I'm seriously! Mom! Must go! Must buy!

What is it, Eric?

Mom, I've only just heard! They're making Chinpokomon dolls, Mom!

You can collect them all! You can collect them all! Mother, quick! We must get to the toy store!

I'm making us some lunch right now, Eric!

But, Mom...

I have to get a Chinpokomom doll before everybody else does,

'cause then I'll be cool!

Can't it wait 'til tomorrow, hon?!

But, Mom, I have to get the first one or else people won't think I'm cool!

- Alright! Let's go! - Sweet!

Everybody's gonna be so jealous when they see my Chinpokomon!

Oh! Goddammit!

Hey, fatass!

Hey, dickhole!I guess you saw the commercial too!

Yep! I've got Roostor, LambTron, and Shoe!

Well, that's nice! But, I'm gonna get a Pengon! He's the coolest!

Goddamit! There's no more Pengons!

Kenny! Pengon is my favourite! That's the last one! Let me have it!

Mine, Kenny! Let me have it!

Mine! Gimmie Pengon! Mine!

Honestly! I don't see what they find so amusing about those things!

They're so strange! Where are they from?!

Well, it's some new big thing from Japan!

I tell ya! Those Japaneese really know how to market to kids!

I've got to collect all Chinpokomon!

I've got to collect them all so I can become Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!

Order Chinpokomon and you will have happy feelings!

I have to become Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!

Must collect Chinpokomom!

Okay, Kenny! I'll trade you my ChuChuNesbi for your Pengon!

Goddammit! You're supposed to trade, little asshole! Gimmie Pengon!

- Hey, dudes! What're those?! - What're these?!? They're Chinpokomon!

You don't appear to have any Chinpokomon!

Nope, but look! I just got this sweet Cyborg Bill doll!

Oh! Please! Cyborg Bill is so yesterday!

Yeah, like ancient history!

- Cyborg Bill isn't cool anymore?! - No, dude!

Cyborg Bill hasn't been cool for a long time, Kyle!

Why the hell don't people tell me these things?!

It's all Chinpokomon, now!

Dude, if you collect Chinpokomon, you can complete the Primary Main Objective!

What's the Primary Main Objective?!

You don't even know what the Primary Main Objective is?!

- The Primary Main Objective is to destroy the Evil Power! - Well, what's the Evil Power?!

Oh, my God! The identity of the Evil Power won't be

revealed until all Chinpokomon are collected by a Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!

- What?! - Kyle, give it some time, dude!

Shit**!

Mom! Dad! Can I have money to buy Chinpokomon?!

- What's a Chinpokomon?! - I'm not sure!

- Well, why do you need one?! - I don't know!

Well then, the answer is no, Kyle! You just got money to buy your Cyborg Bill doll!

Yeah, but Cyborg Bill is totally gay now!

Please, Mom! Everybody else has Chinpokomon!

Well, Kyle, that's not a reason to buy something!

You see, son! Fads come and go!

And, this Chinpokomon is obviously nothing more than a fad!

You don't have to be a part of it! In fact,

you can even make an even stronger statement by saying to your peers:

"I'm not going to be a part of this fad,

because I'm an individual!"! Do you understand?!

Yes! Yes I do, Dad! Now, let me tell you how it works in the real world!

In the real world, I can either get a Chinpokomon

or I can be the only kid without one which singles me out

and causes the other kids to make fun of me and kick my ass!

Good point! Here's ten dollars!

Wait! Here's twenty! Get one for your brother too!

There you go, son! I honestly don't know what you see in these things!

Neither do I!

Guess I'll call it a night!

Chinpoko! Buy me! Buy me!

When will you become Royal Chinpokomaster?!

Hurry up and buy me!

Down with America!

What?!

I love you! Let's be best friends

and destroy the capitalist American government!

What the hell is going on here!

Hey, you guys! Check out my sweet Chinpokomon doll!

Oh, please! Chinpokomon dolls are so last week!

Yeah, dude! Don't you know?! It's all about the Chinpokomon video game now!

Did you bring your special Chinpokomon game controler?!

Huh?! No!

Oh! You didn't GET a special Chinpokomon game controler!

Jesus Christ!

Chinpokomon!

- What is Primary Objective?! - To destroy the Evil Power!

I've got to buy all the Chinpokomon so I can destroy the Evil Power! Oha!

Dammit!

I've got to buy them all! So first, I'd better go to Hawaii and visit Pearl Harbor!

Try to bomb the harbour! Ready?!

I must collect them all! I must buy them all!

We must buy them all!

Try to bomb the harbour!

- Dude! The video game game Kenny a seisure! - Dude! This game rules!

Hello?

Welcome to Chinpokomon Toy Corporation!

Please state name!

Red Harris! I own a toy store in America!

Please state purpose!

Uh, I wanna know what the hell you people are doing

with these dolls talking about bringing down American government doll!

- I am Preston Hirohito and this is Mr. Hosek! - Pleased to meet you!

We understand you have big concern about our fine product!

Yes! Do you mind telling me what the hell this is about

The American government lies to you!

Join the fight for Japaneese supremecy of the world! More to come!

Well?!

That is so strange!

I do not know how this could happen!

But, rest assured that I will make sure it does not happen again!

Well, now c'mon! I don't think that that quite satisfies my...

- You are American?! - Yes!

Oh! You must have very big penis!

Excuse me?! I was just asking you what you're up to with these toys!

Nothing! We are very simple people with very small penis!

Mr. Hosek's penis is especially small!

So small!

We cannot achieve much with so small penis!

But, you Americans! Wow! Penis so big! SO BIG PENIS!

Well, I guess it is a pretty good size.

This man has a very big penis!

What an enorm-immense penis!

Well, it certainly was nice meeting you folk!

I just wanted to bring that little malfunction to your attention! Bye, bye!

Goodbye! Thank you for stopping by with your gargantuoum penis!

I've got to buy Chinpokomon...

I've got to buy them...

Must buy Chinpokomon!

The time has come! We will take!

Pearl Harbor!

- What're you doing?! - I'm watching one of Stanley's Chinpokomon video tapes!

- Why?! - Our son loves this show, Randy!

So I think it's important that we watch it to see if it's teaching him good moral values!

Hey! You must be Roostor!

I haven't bought one of you yet,

but I bet you can transform into Roostalion if you found Diamond Skill Seven!

Hey! I'm gonna take your Roostor and put it in this bag where we'll flurish or expire depending on fate!

Hey! Is that a good idea?!

Roostors aren't like ChuChuNesbis! They haven't the heart for such endeavors!

- Are those good moral values?! - I don't know what the hell they're talking about!

LambTron!

You are loosing the battle of your life!

My LambTron powers are what gives me a good chance of new fight! Will they succeed?!

I am sad now because LambTron must be very lonely

because there are so many LambTrons in the world!

Will he ever find a companion?!

This doesn't make sense!

Are those stupid things supposed to be animals or robots or what?!

I don't know, but I suddenly kinda wanna own them all!

Randy, we can't allow our son to watch this stuff!

Well, it's not like it's vulgar or violent!

No, but it's incredibly stupid and that can be worse on a child's mind than any vulgarity or violence!

Remember what Battle of the Network Stars did to an entire generation!

My God! You're right!

C'mon, brothers and sisters!

We've all got to join together!

Join together and give me money so I can buy more Chinpokomon!

We've got to stop this fightin'!

- How's it goin, fatass?! - Haven't made any money yet!

What?! You've been out here all weekend!

How're we gonna raise money to get into the Chinpokomon Camp?!

Hey! I'm the one who's been standing out here with this gay guitar like...

...a goddam hippie all weekend! What've you two assholes done?!

We can't do anything! Kenny still hasn't come out of his seisure!

I've got it! I've got my Chinpokomon game controler!

Jesus-Tap-Dancing-Christ! Get with the program, pal!

Yeah, nobody plays the Chinpokomon video games anymore!

Now, it's all about the big Weekend Chinpokomon Camp!

The makers of Chinpokomon are going town-to-town and putting on a special camp

to show all the Chinpokomasters how to destroy the Evil Power!

- You didn't know that?! - N'naaw, I knew it! I knew it! I was just testing you guys!

You just wait 'til I get to that Chinpokomon Camp! I'm gonna be the toughest master of them all!

- So we'll see you there! Ai! - Dude! Did you just say "Ai!"?

Yeah! You know! Like Lauriel! Ai!

Oh my God! That's so yesterday!