Dog Days (Hundstage)

Are you finished taking a piss?

- Yes. - You are?

- Do you have a problem? Sick of life? - No.

- No problems. - No?

She's mine, and I'm the only one who looks at her. Just me!

You don't look at her. You don't touch her. Got that?

Yeah?

What do you want from me?

- Fuck off, asshole! - What's this about?

You want to fuck my girl?

- Break it up! - What do you want?

- Get lost! - Just leave the idiot alone.

What's your problem? Get lost!

You want me to mess up your face too?

Get lost!

- You're telling me to get lost? - Just go!

Keep cool! He's leaving!

I don't care what you say.

Fuck off!

What do you want?

Listen, why don't you just go home?

Mario, please let's go!

- I want this guy, okay? - Just go and have a beer somewhere.

Go to hell, you piece of shit. You're dead. Your ass is mine.

Stay out of it!

Tell him to get his ass over here!

- I'll get you, I swear. You're dead. - Good-bye.

Have you gone crazy, Mario?

Mario!

- Enough! - What?

Stop! Get off of me.

Go away.

Get lost.

- What's wrong? - You think I'm stupid?

- What? - What do you think you're doing?

- What's wrong with you? - Think I'm stupid or what?

- What's the matter, Mario? - Huh? Answer my question!

Answer my question.

- I said answer me! - No.

What do you mean, "no"?

- You really think I'm stupid, huh? - No.

Is that what you think?

- Tell me! - Stop it, please.

Are you going to answer me?

- Are you going to answer me? - Yes.

Hands off. Are you going to answer?

Are you?

You know what you are?

A filthy, stinking, rotten whore.

Do you think I'd fuck a whore?

You think so?

Claudia!

Is that what you think?

Let go, Mario.

Is that what you think?

Get lost!

DOG DAYS

Hey, stop it!

You drive me crazy with your arguing.

If you don't stop, I'll report you for disturbing the peace.

Remember, I was your secretary, and you were married then, too.

I'm not as stupid as you think.

What did you buy, huh? What did you get?

Ask my wife. I don't know.

That a frankfurter you got there? You know what they put in it?

Sodium nitrite, ascorbic acid, anti-oxidation agents,

Di-, tri-and polysulfides... that's what they put in them.

- That's what's in them. - If you say so.

You know the 10 best grocery stores?

Merkur, Spar, Billa, Hofer, Schlecker, Meindl,

Adeg, Mondo, Löwa, Pam Pam. Did you know that?

Can you name them, too? Can you give me a lift?

Can I have a ride? Where are you going?

Can I have a ride?

Why not? Can't I come along?

- Do you know the 10 most popular pets? - Yes.

- Cat, dog, mouse... - 1. Cats, 2. Dogs, 3. Birds,

4. Aquarium fish, 5. Hamsters, 6. Guinea pigs,

7. Mice, 8. Rabbits, 9. Rats, 10. Turtles.

- You eat lots of marshmallows? - No.

- You like the white or black ones best? - I like the black ones better.

If I get a craving, I'll eat both.

- So what do you eat? - Me? Mostly sausage.

I can eat frankfurters by the pound.

On a good day, like when I used to...

How many pairs do you eat?

What? Pairs of sausages?

Now I eat two, but I used to eat ten on a good day.

- Ten frankfurters? - Ten pairs of frankfurters.

You're so fat, it's unhealthy. It could kill you.

She's a chatterbox, worse than me.

- You're also pretty fat, you know. - 'Cause I'm not too lazy to eat.

It's unhealthy to eat so much. You'll get a heart attack.

Oh, be quiet.

As long as I feel no pain, I can eat what I want.

And once there's pain, you have to stop anyway.

Spareribs with honey, pork chops, steaks.

Try the new Kotányi seasoning mix.

Where would I be without Kotányi?

Do you wake up with a hard-on? Do you?

Don't talk like that.

Do you still have sex?

That's a company secret.

Are you too old? Can you still do it?

I can, I still can.

Earlobes, you have such big earlobes.

And you have such a big tongue!

These sweltering dog days just won't let up.

We've got more subtropical air headed for Austria.

If you’re sensitive to the weather, look forward to headaches...

- Good afternoon. - Very nice, Gerti.

Oh, God. His hair is everywhere.

Gerti, do the sink, please.

The Austrians have obviously practiced and are playing well today.

The traffic update for Lower Austria:

The present heat wave has caused asphalt damage,

leading to numerous problems on highways and other major roads.

The police request all drivers to drive carefully. More delays...

- Are you Mr. Walter? - Yes.

My name's Hruby. I'm a technician for alarm systems engineering.

We are offering consulting on new security systems in your neighborhood.

I'd like to tell you about the different options.

I see you've gotten a start with a video surveillance camera.

For observation and all, great.

But I don't see an alarm system anywhere.

Nowadays we have technology that's affordable and effective.

Radio-controlled devices or a direct link to the police

will let you rest at ease at night.

I assume you have no alarm system?

No, but a good, mean watchdog.

- He's the best. All I need. - May I say this:

A dog may be a man's best friend,

but man is not a dog's best friend.

A dog needs protection too, believe me.

My dog is enough.

He's mean. Doesn't trust anyone.

What if something happens to the dog?

Things can happen to people, too.

Come, Girlie. Get in here.

Come.

- You bought everything on the list? - Yes, I did.

I see the laundry is already done.

- The sheets, too? - They're in there now.

But use the old soap please. The new one is bad for my skin.

I still had some of the old soap left.

Again! They cheated me again!

The crooks!

Go ahead and weigh it. You'll see. Check it yourself.

I used a good scale,

a calibrated gram scale.

I don't understand it.

They save a little on each one. Multiply that by 100 packages...

Here you have thousands of them.

I'm sure this is an exception.

That's what you say, but I have to come back like now.

I'm sweating, and I get upset each time.

This is all unnecessary and should be avoided

if you want to keep your regular customers happy.

- You're absolutely right. - How about giving me the money

for all the gas I burn to get here?

How about two cans of dog food?

That won't even cover a liter of gas.

- A beauty of a car. A real beauty. - Yes.

BMW convertible, right? A beauty. What's your name?

- Norbert. - Where're you going? Can I come along?

I'm only going to the supermarket.

Can I have a ride in your convertible?

- That's the melody. You got it already? - Got it, yeah.

- The words aren't hard either. - How do they go?

Oh, Haka furnishes your kitchen

In just nine days Measured to perfection

Hurrah

Ha ha ha ha Haka!

- So, now you know the words? - You'll have to sing it again.

Oh, Haka furnishes your kitchen

In just nine days Measured to perfection

Hurrah

Now you sing it.

Oh, Haka furnishes your kitchen

In just nine days Measured to perfection

Hurrah

And then you go: Ha ha ha ha Haka

Furnishes your kitchen in just nine days Measured to perfection

Hurrah

It's the beginning, not the end?

No, it's the end.

Can I listen to a tape?

Sure. What's on it? Is it good?

Yes, it's got my favorite song.

- It's a great tape. - Then let's hear it.

Here, it's on here. How do you put it in?

My song's on here.

I hope it's the right side.

Where do you turn it on?

Is this the song?

Pretty. You're a romantic, huh? Totally, huh?

The mood is perfect, fine weather, sun. What more could one want?

Monja

Well, come on in.

It's me, your mother.