Slip

I didn't want to wake up this morning.

I would say that's true of every morning, really.

I just always feel like...

being asleep.

Like, life is a dream.

Not like one where I'm flying or whatever.

Like a super banal dream, where nothing really happens.

You're just sort of witnessing a version of your life.

An assembly of gestures

that feel vaguely familiar.

Details that just seem sort of unbearably frivolous.

But part of you, that part of you

that is bearing witness to all this...

- -

- -

...is taking note...

...as though the sum of these details...

will somehow add up...

to a meaningful whole.

You just need to wake up.

But then you realize there's nothing to wake up from.

Because the dream is occurring while you're awake.

Sleeping to find meaning... and waking to lose it.

And all you want to do

is sleep to dream of something more...

...more.

Just...

...more.

Yeah, um... I was just asking

how you were doing as like more of a courtesy.

Oh, right. Yeah.

I mean, you do genuinely sound fucked up.

Thank you. Thanks.

But I'm literally 24.

Wow, that's a whole life ahead.

Exciting. Uh, I'll just tip with cash.

Shit.

Remove your card.

I'm so sorry. I don't have any cash--

Next!

You see that new Timothée Chalamet shit

on the internet?

He's wearing like a cape over a kimono.

So fucking hot.

LOL.

No, I'm serious as a heart attack.

He's all I've got going right now.

The guys I'm going on dates with

are wearing straight-up open-toed sandals.

Two separate dudes showed toe. Night time toe, Mae.

Not even a daytime toe.

- Wow, that's bleak. - Bleak.

To be honest, I don't even love a man

in a sandal poolside.

Just go barefoot. - Just go barefoot.

That's it.

You know Chalamet is gonna show up in a Teva

and then all this is gonna change.

Oh, 100 percent. Hey, Timothée Swiss Chalet?

He can do no wrong.

Swiss Chalet could show all the toes.

As if.

I just want to marry somebody, you know, hella rich.

Oh. - You know? Timothée rich.

Also, respected.

- Sure. That'd be nice. - Honestly, I don't know.

I feel like it would be much easier to date a woman.

You know, I've never even kissed a girl?

- Shut your psychotic mouth. - I know.

I mean, I had like crushes on girls when I was younger,

but I was always too shy.

Also back then, I just feel like

there wasn't as much like fluidity or whatever.

You know what I mean?

Like, nowadays, I feel like all the kids are queer.

Oh yeah, for sure.

They're all sucking and fucking on literally whomever.

- - I just don't know

if I could go there. I mean, maybe.

I thought blue cheese was literally disgusting

until somebody heated that shit up

and stuck a wing in it, you know?

Just consider yourself blessed.

I would literally do anything to be married.

- No, you wouldn't. - Oh, I sure would.

I'd walk on broken glass or fuck an animal or...

I don't know. Murder.

Wow. That took a turn

when you started talking about fucking animals.

Being single is just such a true bummer.

But it's also kind of amazing. I mean, right?

Just doing exactly what you want, when you want.

You have so much to look forward to.

Like, you get to fall in love, man.

I would give anything to be like transported to that, you know,

where all that you want to do is have...

sex.

Mae, do you know what having sex is like right now?

Sadly, not really.

Falling in love is a death cycle, dude.

It's a little bit of gain and just a whole lot of pain.

I promise you it's way better to be settled.

Do you think I settled?

No, I said, "be settled."

Oh. Sorry, what's the difference?

Oh my god, you really don't know how good you have it.

You found your person.

You really think there's just one person

for every other person?

Jay Z. Beyoncé.

Jay Z cheated on Beyoncé.

And there was a billion dollars in that elevator.

Guess the question is,

how do you know you found your person?

You think I have the answer?

I should be asking you that question...

Well?

Huh?

Oh, sorry. I thought that was rhetorical.

Anthony, that one goes upstairs.

Anthony's fine but he's stupid.

Oh, hi. Thank you.

Listen, whatever you're doing,

you're doing something right. It's goals, man.

To be with a person as long as you've been?

Yeah, I guess.

What do you mean, you guess?

I just... Thank you.

I just mean that after a certain amount of time,

you know, it's kind of the same thing as being single.

You're just single together.

Mm-hm.

Oh, can I have some more too?

You can't pour me some?

Why can't you pour it yourself?

Isn't that feminism?

Oh my god.

Yeah, that's feminism. We fought for wine.

Hey, what's our snack situation?

Let me check it out.

Got some good stuff in here.

We do? Mm.

We got freeze-dried chickpeas.

Oh. Yum.

We got rice cakes.

Of course. - That's your go-to.

Looking to mix it up a little tonight.

How's about chips?

Yeah.

Ooh.

And these are made out of coconut flour.

Oh. Those are actually pretty good.

Let's see.

- These are not good. - No.

Uh-uh.

- Well, don't finish them. - You don't!

Oh, and that's what you do, you leave the crumbs in the bag

and then you put the bag back in.

Hm.

That's what it looks like.

Like you're like pulling one over on me.

What do you want to sprinkle them on something?

Check this out. Listen to this. This is a song.

Come on. Cut loose. Give it to me.

What you got?

Ah.

Come on. That's nothing. Come on.

No. That's me dancing.

Come on.

That's the extent of my-- my exertions.

I know you can do more than that,

I've seen it.

I'm tired.

Okay. Just watch me then.

No.

Imagine we don't know each other.

Gladly.

You're at the other end of the bar.

Okay.

- Song is on. - Sure.

You see me. Oh.

I'm in a leather jacket.

D'oh. - Cool one.

Right.

Like chains on it and stuff.

And I'm doing this.

Can I ask you a serious question?

Yeah.

Can we put a TV in our room?

Oh, god.

It's boring in there.