American Dad!

So I bit him.

I didn't know what else to do, so I just bit him.

And I feel like that was the right move

because he never charged me for the guitar lesson.

Okay! On to other business.

We have an exciting new villain...

Anastasia Kirilenko.

Kirilenko? That sounds Russian.

That's right! The Russians are doing shit again!

The Russians?! They dance like this.

Yeah, yeah! Yeah!

That's right, Styles! They do!

Jackson has painted a fresco on the ceiling

detailing the mission.

Now, this is for you visual learners and also for me,

because I got bananas high before this meeting.

Jackson!

We intercepted an order from Kirilenko's IP address

to the American Girl doll store...

where Kirilenko's daughter

ordered a special, one-of-a-kind doll.

The plan is to put a bug in the doll...

- Dude. - ...and ship it to

the Kirilenko compound.

We'll finally be able to listen in on the Russian mob.

Yeah.

We've coordinated with American Girl,

as we do on most missions,

and they're giving us access to the doll before it's delivered.

We just need an agent to go to the mall.

- I got it! - Oh! Me!

I'll do anything to get out of work.

That's what I like to hear!

Pick up the doll. Bring it to work Monday morning.

I will be busy all weekend,

posing for my deputy director portrait.

Who said you people could go?

Oh, girl, you need a shot of B12

- Break it out! - I'm B1 and I'm tons...

Steve, why are you hanging around this old factory?

This is my high school, dad.

You just met Mr. Brink at my parenteacher conference.

I thought that was your foreman.

No wonder he wouldn't show me his jackhammer.

Well, punch out and let's go to the mall.

Were you just listening to the boy band I was in?

Yeah, they've been playing it a lot recently

since some psychopath's been murdering

all the band members one by one.

I have been getting a lot more calls

that are just heaving breathing lately.

I thought it was Barry.

I'm sorry we have to go to this lame doll store.

These dolls are amazing.

Did you know each American Girl doll

has a rich historical backstory?

I don't like where this is going.

This is Koko. She's from Hawaii.

"Her aloha spirit kept her family together

on that fateful December morning in 1941,

when the bombs fell from the lani."

That's Hawaiian for "sky."

No shit. Steve, you're a boy. And boys don't play with dolls.

How about Helena?

Her family died of dysentery during the Civil War.

Dad! Hasn't Helena been through enough?!

Look at my foot. It has been put down.

Hi! I'm Bob, and this is my best friend, Maisie!

The one-of-a-kind Piper special edition!

"You're one lucky boy!"

It's not for him!

A fellow adult doll enthusiast.

We should get together and play sometime.

From the creators of "Young Sheldon" comes...

"Even Younger Sheldon."

Yuck. It's just a fetus.

I get out of here throughwhere?

No, thank you.

I just had the tightest dinner with Jurgen.

We destroyed the Chimdale Ruth's Chris.

What gives, Klaus? You never have any money.

It was Jurgen's treat.

I did his taxes and got him a three-figure refund.

I didn't know you did taxes. Can you help me with mine?

Sure. You thinking standard or itemized deduction?

Those are the exact types of questions I'm trying to avoid.

And that's how I know Jackson is having a jazz party tonight.

Can you believe he didn't skee-bop-ba-doo-bop-invite me?

Uhuh. So Dr. Weitzman switched yours and Jeff's consciousness?!

Yeah, Mom. This is me... Hayley.

The crazy thing is...

And this is for couples therapy?

Can we get back to my...

Babe, I think I got your period.

I understand you now.

I just had to walk a mile in your tampon.

No one cares about my problems.

Oh! I forgot you were up there.

Just like Jackson forgot to invite me to his jazz party.

Or maybe it was on purpose.

This is ridiculous! I'm talking to a doll!

A little dark in there.

Now I see on Instagram

Hooper is having a bluegrass thing right now!

He wanted me to see it! He tagged me!

I'm acting like a crazy person.

You can't hear me through that box.

Hi.

Good morning USA, Piper. Whatcha got there?

Oh, right, you're an orphan from the Depression era

and you write poetry for scraps of food.

These are really good.

Did you squiggle them yourself?

You know, I wrote a poem once, about ham.

But it didn't go very well.

My friend fake-humped me

and then took the ham-carving position I wanted.

Has that ever happened to you with your poetry, Piper?

Where's your dad?

And then I saw another guy last week that was like 6'4"!

I don't know if I'm just lucky

or if it's something about the store,

but I always see really tall guys at Home Depot.

Smith? Where's the doll?!

Oh, my God. I totally forgot I had it.

Senior moment.

I think the problem is that I don't care

about that amazing doll at all.

I'll bring it in tomorrow.

Sorry about the, pbht! brain fart!

Good fart noise, Smith!

So, I told our joke at... oh...

at work today, and everybody laughed!

So, you see, these tax write-offs

that you've grouped together,

I spread them over two categories and saved you $15.

$15?!

I'm gonna have so much change to take to Nipples and Nickels,

the only strip club that lets you tip in nickels.

By the way, can I get that in nickels?

They don't make change at Nipples and Nickels.

Furthermore, I'm recommending you to everyone.

I don't know if I have time for any more clients!

Raider Dave!

Tax question... If I beat a man with a tire iron

in the stadium parking lot, is that deductible?

I'll have to look into it.

If it makes a difference, he started it.

His wife and small children were wearing Broncos jerseys...

in Denver, no less.

That's Raider country!

Hey, Steve! Agent Styles!

I know your dad's been out sick for a week,

and clearly you've caught it, whatever it is,

but I need to get something from him.

Rogu.

You sound like shit!

I so treasure these talks with you, Piper.

The world's greatest treasure is found

in the words of friendship.

Piper! Only you can make Smash Mouth lyrics...

which I assume those were... sound so beautiful.

Stan?

Styles! What are you doing in Paris?!

Okay. What were we talking about?

Sports cars, right? My favorite is Lamborghini.

It's so fast.

What the hell is going on with you, Stan?

Okay. Let me explain.

Like most flashbacks, this one starts in the past.

After my dad left,

my mother had to raise me all on her own.

Without a dad to guide me,

she was afraid I'd turn out too girly.

So she had very strict rules

about what boys could play with.

I thought I told you to throw out that stupid doll!

But she's my best friend!

Look at my foot. It has been put down.

So I guess that's why I went...

a little overboard with all this.

I've been keeping this inside for way too long.

But now I've had a breakthrough. I'm all better!

Just like that?

I guess I'm just super-healthy mentally.

Here. This doll needs to go to Russia.

You have a lovely home.

I guess I should tidy up.

Oh. Piper left her jacket.

It's overdue

That was B12,

now with only seven surviving members!

Piper needs her jacket!

You can't be trusted with Piper! You're a terrible driver!

When I saw you'd left your jacket,

I realized you were sending me a message.

You didn't want to go any more than I wanted you to leave.

It's all true, Stan!