Seinfeld

To me, the thing about birthday parties

is that the first and last party you have

are actually quite similar.

You know, you just kind of sit there.

You're the least excited person at the party.

You don't even really realize that there is a party.

You don't know what's going on.

Both birthday parties,

people have to help you blow out the candles.

You can't do it.

You don't even know why you're doing it.

What is this ritual? What is going on?

It's also the only two birthday parties

where other people have to gather

your friends together for you.

Sometimes they're not even your friends.

They make the judgment.

They bring them in, sit 'em down, and they tell you:

"These are your friends.

"Tell them thank you for coming

to my birthday party."

These are great! Just great!

Really great!

Really, really great!

Don't you think so, Elaine?

Yeah. Really great.

Oh, a coffee table book about coffee tables.

How did you come up with this idea?

It was there.

Oh, look at this one.

It's saying, "I'm a coffee table.

"Put some coffee on me.

Oh, the hotter the better. That's what I'm here for."

Ah, you know, actually, I've got some work I've gotta do.

How about if the book came with these little foldout legs

so the book itself becomes a coffee table.

Oh, that is a great idea!

Really, really great!

"Ohh!

"and that coffee table is saying,

put some coffee on me!"

I'd like to put some coffee on her.

Hot, scalding coffee right in her face.

I swear! This is like working with a contestant

from The Price Is Right.

Yeah, that's real interesting. Elaine...

listen, tell me if you think this is funny.

"Men definitely hit the remote more than women.

"Men don't care what's on TV.

"Men only care what else is on TV.

"Women wanna see what the show is

"before they change the channel

because men hunt and women nest."

Yeah, it's funny. I don't know.

You don't know? Come on. That's gold!

Well, I don't know about gold.

Oh, that's gold, baby.

Baby? What? Are you doing George now?

Hey, I was saying "baby" way before George.

Well, I don't know. Don't ask me any more questions about jokes.

Jerry, it just puts too much pressure on me.

This guy Leonard Christian's gonna be there tomorrow.

Yeah? Who's he?

A writer from Entertainment Weekly.

I would like to have a good show.

Danke schon, my little dumplings.

Hi.

Hey, how 'bout that Toby, huh?

Yeah, how about her?

Ooh, she's a package full of energy.

Yeah, she's a package full of something.

And that something is life.

You gotta meet this gal. She's brimming with positivity.

Oh, please.

Hey, are you performing tomorrow?

-Yeah. -Great.

I'm gonna bring Toby.

You better laugh. I'm being reviewed by Leonard Christian.

She's a great laugher. Right, Elaine?

Oh, yeah. She's a great laugher, Jerry.

"Ha-ha! Really, really great!"

Well, you wanna sit with George?

He's coming with Robin.

The waitress from the comedy club?

Yeah.

What about her kid? Is she bringing him too?

She's got a kid?

Yeah. You should see George get along with this kid.

Ow! What are you doing under there?

Hey, hey, stop that.

Don't eat that. That's not food!

He's sucking down Equal packets.

Do you think 25 kids is too much?

Twenty-five kids for his birthday party?

Don't put your tongue on the floor!

He's putting his tongue on the floor.

Here, here.

Have some more sugar packets.

So what about entertainment?

Should I get Barney?

No Barney!

Maybe a clown.

How about Bozo?

Who's Bozo?

Who's Bozo?

Bozo the Clown. That's who Bozo is.

When I was a kid, Bozo the Clown was the clown.

George...

With the orange hair, the ruffled clown shirt.

George...

A TV show. Cartoons.

George!

Forget Bozo, George.

Bozo's out.

He's finished.

It's over for Bozo.

When I was a kid, we didn't have these elaborate parties

with catered food and entertainment.

I remember my seventh birthday party.

Blow out the candles! Blow out the candles!

I said blow out the damn candles!

Stop it, Frank! You're killing him!

Blow out the candles!

Well, this time, you can blow out the candles.

No. I have asthma.

Ow! Ben! Ben!

Hi.

Hi, Toby.

How are you doing today?

Fine.

How are you?

Oh, I'm great.

Just great.

Really great.

Oh, hey, did you hear about Bob Rosen?

No.

He's going to Knopf. He is going to be a vice president.

Knopf? Really?

Boy...

that means there's an opening here for...

senior editor.

Has Lippman, uh, hired anyone?

No. I hear he wants to promote someone in-house.

Really?

Maybe it'll be you.

Oh, well...

You really deserve it.

Oh, well...

I mean, you have experience, seniority.

Lippman really respects your opinion.

Well...

Well, it could be you.

No.

No, really.

Really? You think so?

Sure.

Boy, wouldn't that be exciting?

I mean, stranger things have happened.

Wow! Me, a senior editor!

I'd like that.

You shouldn't get your hopes up.

Oh, well...

It's a possibility.

Like you said, stranger things have happened.

Thank you, Elaine. Thank you.

Hey, Ronnie.

Hey.

Can I have a club soda?

Going on tonight?

-Yeah. You? -Yeah.

You know, Leonard Christian's here.

Yeah, I know.

Can I ask you something?

Are my nostrils getting bigger?

I don't think so.

Are you sure? Take a good look.

They seem a little bigger?

I don't... I don't know.

Is it possible for nostrils to expand?

Oh, is this a bit?

Hey, I don't do bits.

I'm a prop comic.

Damn it. I can't find my water gun.

I can't go on without my water gun.

Hey, Jerry.

Hey!

Well, here's Toby. Jerry.

This is so exciting.

Look.

I have goose bumps.

Touch. Touch them.

Ahh! Ha-ha!

Oh, hey.

I've never been to a comedy club before.

Really?

You know a lot of restaurants are serving brewed decaf too.

You are so funny!

You'll have a good time, I swear.

He swears, like he thinks I don't believe him.

I believe you. I believe you.