If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

Mommy is... stretchable.

What do you mean by stretchable?

Daddy's hard. You can't move him.

He gets mad, and that's it.

Mommy gets mad too,

but she's more like putty.

Mm.

-(SCOFFS LIGHTLY) -And she gets sad too.

That's when it's the most stretch.

Putty, um... I wonder how is it that you stretch her?

You just--

Can I... Can I talk now? Please?

Um...

-Is it okay if Mommy talks? -Yep.

Okay.

I'm not stretchable. I'm not putty.

Well, that's her experience of you.

That isn't true.

I try very hard to be in control of her and everything,

but, um, may as well not even be there at all.

Well, perception is reality, so--

Also, I don't get sad.

You seem sad right now.

You do seem sad right now.

We're here to talk about how to get you better.

All we do is talk about me.

I can be sad. I mean, I'm allowed to be sad, right?

Well, of course.

But, um, you must know that this is all tangled up together

and you of all people should know--

I know. I know, but, um...

this... this isn't how things...

...are gonna get better. Um...

GIRL (VOICE WAVERING): Mommy, please don't cry...

No, no. I--

-...because then I'll cry. Sweetie.

-She... -Sweetie, it's okay. It's okay.

We want the tube removed. Now.

No, you can't kill me! -And to do that, we need...

No, she won't do what she has to do

because she knows that she has this safety net.

Things are not stable enough right now to--

It's clear that we have different goals.

You want her to get better before the tube can be removed.

I think the tube needs to come out,

and then she can get better.

We all have the same goal here.

But what I'm learning as we're talking all together

is that you and I need to spend some time, just the two of us,

without her here...

...to talk about some serious issues.

I'm gonna need you to

restart the tube feedings at night

and I need you to start doing...

-(VOICE FADES) -(RUMBLING BUILDS)

Did you get the kind with no cheese?

I can't explain this to you every time, sweetie.

They would just laugh at me and say it's bread, okay?

I'll take the cheese off when we get home, of course.

Is it the kind with the little

green and black things in the sauce?

It's the same kind we always get.

That kind has the things in the sauce.

I can't... I can't eat it.

Like, can you scrape it off--

Do you even want the tube out or is it just me who wants it out?

You have to be...

Jesus.

Oh, poo.

-Oh... -(GIRL GIGGLING)

-You got your wish. No cheese. -(LAUGHING)

-Did you will that to happen? -Yeah.

Are you some kind of witch or something?

Hey, straight to the table. Actually, no.

Wash hands first, and then straight to the table.

I don't have to go to the bathroom though.

No one's making you go to the bathroom.

I'm just asking you to wash your hands, please,

like we always do.

Is Daddy coming? Where's Daddy?

Uh, he said maybe bedtime.

When does he go again?

He just got back, so... in a month?

Mommy?

Yeah.

I did have to go to the bathroom.

Okay.

This might take a while.

Okay.

GIRL (FAINTLY): Mommy?

Yeah?

The bathroom has water in it.

Okay, well, that's good.

No, I mean on the floor.

Come quickly!

Are you coming?

-(WATER SPLASHING) -Mommy!

Oh, my God. What?

Why didn't you tell me as soon as you came in here?

I just noticed...

because I had to go to the bathroom so bad.

I don't like how it feels on my socks.

Where's it coming from? How deep is it?

Are we gonna die?

Is the house gonna fall on top of us?

Mommy?

Can you lift me up and carry me out?

Yep, just stay there, okay? Hold on.

Mom, why are you leaving me? Where are you going?

Just please stay on the toilet, okay?

No.

Can you please come... -(MUFFLED EXCLAMATION)

Can you come now?

Oh, my...

-(WATER POURING) -(GIRL CONTINUES, INDISTINCT)

Oh...

...my fucking God.

Mommy!

Mommy, you're not telling me what it is!

Mommy!

-What's going on? -What?

What's happening, Mom?

Are we gonna die?

Hey. -Hey, yeah.

We just got home, and you would not believe--

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

-(GIRL SCREAMING) -No, no, no! Do not come here.

Do not come in here!

Right now, go, go, go! Right now! Right now!

Go, go, go, go!

Go! Oh, my God!

(SPLASHING FADES, GROWING MUFFLED)

Nothing is familiar or real.

Ever.

Every time I feel this way I get further and further away

from being in myself, and, like, I can never get back.

When you think about time,

how do you see it?

How do I see time?

Um...

Time is a series of things to get through.

Each goal is a cliff.

There's nothing at the end of it,

but then it comes, and there's just another cliff.

I'm so mad at you!

-(BEEPING CONTINUES) -(MACHINERY CLICKING)

-(BEEPING STOPS) -(MACHINE WHIRS)

(BEEPING, WHIRRING CONTINUE OVER MONITOR)

(GIRL MOANING SLEEPILY OVER MONITOR)

("HOT FREAKS" BY GUIDED BY VOICES PLAYING OVER SPEAKER)

-(ASH SIZZLES) -(GASPS)

Oh, shit.

Yo, you know about holotropic breathing?

Mm-mm.

Yo, this shit is lit.

Basically, you trick your brain into thinking it's dead,

and you see the fucking universe.

You know what I'm saying?

So you won't feel paranoia and guilt if something's wrong.

I've got a friend who does Reiki and shit like that.

Nah, see what I'm saying? This is like hyperventilating.

When you die, they say you let off this chemical.

And when you're dreaming, you let off the same chemical.

It's sort of like that, you know?

You make your brain think it's dead,

but being brain-dead is still alive.

Holographic breathwork? -Holotropic.

Tropic. Holotropic.

-Is that real? -What?

-The... the dead brain thing? -Oh, yeah.

I mean, shit. I guess anything could be real.

I mean, anything could be bullshit too.

You know what I'm saying?

But you know that feeling like when you're not...

Yeah.

Oh, you're making fun of me.

-Miss, I don't even know you. -Right.

Okay. Um, yes on these, but no on the wine.

Why?

The law prohibits me from selling you this wine right now.

But it isn't even 2:00.

It's 1:58.

Right, but--