Man with a Plan

So, Dad, you wanted to talk about our annual trip

- to the cabin? - That's right.

I've been organizing it for 15 years,

but now it's time for me to step aside

and pick one of my boys to be the new trip captain.

Donny...

- Of course. - I knew he'd pick me.

Congratulate your brother.

- What? - I'm the new captain?

- And I get the hat? - Yeah.

We should take a picture. Me, happy. Don, mad.

I'm the oldest. I should get it.

Yeah, exactly. In the picture, you should look just like that.

Donny,

I'm not saying he'll be better at it,

but he'll be better at it.

Prove me right, boy.

Oh, Dad, I am honored.

I won't let you down. This will be the best trip we ever had.

This is unfair. I'd like to lodge a complaint.

All complaints should be filed with the trip captain.

Adam...

Complaint denied. Next?

Welcome to the first meeting of the first annual

"Adam Burns being in charge of the 15th annual guys' trip."

Confusing name for a meeting. I should be captain.

I've already put a lot of thought into this,

and I think you'll be impressed.

I'd like to introduce

my secret weapon, the thing that will take

our cabin trip to the next level.

This year, I've invited Lowell.

Hey, cabin buddies.

How's he know our secret greeting?

I-I know it's usually just us,

but, Dad, he's a great cook,

and I know you like a nice, hot meal.

Plus, he's already agreed to read Lonesome Dove to you

while you fall asleep.

We're not accepting new members.

I've brought you a sample of my cooking.

Six different sausages.

- He's in. - Yes.

I'm impressed. You're off to a good start, son.

You hear that, Don? I'm off to a good start.

Is your head getting cold without a hat on it?

I always hoped you guys would invite me.

I can't believe I'm finally in.

Now, it's not all fun and games, Lowell.

There are a couple of rules. Dad?

Number one: if there's a bear attack,

we escape by seniority, so you're last man out.

Try and put up a fight

so we have time to get to the truck.

And number two: no wives.

- This is a chance for us men to bond. - Mm.

To tell stories. To dig a hole

and try and get Don to fall into it.

It's a very special time.

Well, I don't have to worry about telling my wife

because I'm single now; and if your wives ask,

I'll just say, "Sorry, ladies. This is a guys' trip."

No, no, no. You can never call it a guys' trip.

He's out. It's too risky.

Calm down. He just doesn't know the system.

Okay?

If we call it a guys' trip,

our wives will want to go.

They can't help it.

It's a reflex, like spitting out light beer.

We have to execute perfect wife management.

Also known as lying.

Donny boils it down nicely.

Not a guys' trip, got it.

I'll just tell your wives it's a regular trip

that sounds like a lot of fun.

Oh, you also can't call it fun.

They don't like the idea of us having fun.

That's what a wedding is,

the guy promising never to have fun again.

So we tell our wives

how boring it is. I tell Andi all we do is fish.

And then I made up a story

about how I have to put sunscreen on Don's back

because he only fishes topless.

I'm disgusting.

And then to seal the deal,

I tell Andi, "You're more than welcome to come.

It's not like it's a guys' trip."

But I've made it sound so boring, she doesn't want to go.

Then she feels sorry for me and makes me lasagna.

Wife management.

I'm learning a lot.

Maybe I'd still be married if I just lied to my wife more.

Well, now you'll be ready for lucky lady number two.

Or number one, as far as she'll know.

Hey, have you seen my extra camouflage sleeping bag?

How could I?

Yeah. I need it for Lowell.

Lowell's going on the cabin trip?

- Mm-hmm. - That sounds fun.

No, not... no, not fun.

Boring. Remember how boring I tell you it is?

The fishing, the-the topless Don.

Yeah, well, that part doesn't sound great.

No. It's not.

But like I say every year, you're always welcome to come.

Okay. I'll go.

You'll what?

Yeah, I mean, if Lowell's going, maybe it won't be so boring.

I mean, he likes board games and hikes

and songs around the piano.

There's no piano.

Plus, you can't sing in the woods.

It confuses the birds.

Aw, you're sweet, but I know you want me there

because you always say I'm welcome to come.

Plus, you said it's always so boring,

and what could be more fun than adding me?

I did say all those things.

Look at you.

Listening to what I say

and then bringing it up later.

Oh, every day's a surprise.

Andi's going? What happened to your system?

We had to hear you gas on about it for half an hour,

and then you blew it.

Now all our wives are gonna want to go.

Can I take over now? Where's the hat?

No, no, no.

This is my first year as captain.

There were bound to be some bumps.

This is just a small wife management issue.

Okay? When I told her Lowell was going,

she said it sounded fun.

Who said "fun"? You said "fun"?

I didn't say "fun."

Somebody said "fun," and somebody's gonna pay for it.

I didn't say "fun." I just said "Lowell."

Well, then, there's an easy solution.

Uninvite Lowell.

Sorry, kid, but I barely know you.

No!

You screwed this up, you fix it, mister.

I'm going on this trip. I already went out

and got all the shots Don told me I needed.

What shots?

Why invite the new guy

if you can't goof around a little?

Well, you need to turn this thing around and fast.

How?

Well, boring's not gonna work anymore

because Andi knows I'm a delight.

Fun follows me like a rainbow follows rain.

Just uninvite Andi.

I can't do that. I want to stay married.

Well, then, our only choice is to call the whole thing off.

What?

I don't want to be the guy that killed the trip.

Captain Trip Killer seems upset.

What? I can fix this, okay? I-I'll figure out a way

to convince Andi she doesn't want to go.

Well, then, you better get to her

before she blabs to our wives.

Then they'll want to go.

You heard him. Quit talking about it and go do it.

If this thing goes south, it's on you, buddy boy.

Hey, stretch, get me a drink.

I'm starting to like you.

Adam, you're back to last man out if there's a bear attack.

Bears.

That's it. Andi hates bears. I can use that.

Andi, I was so excited you're coming on the trip,

I got you some essential supplies.

First thing you will need for sure: bear spray.

Bear spray?

Oh, yeah, there's bears everywhere.

You just got to hope you run out of bears

before you run out of spray.

Yeah, but I hate bears.

I didn't know that.

Okay, here's a tip.

If they chase you, run into the lake.

Then all you have to worry about are the leeches.

I hate leeches, too.

Man, I am learning so much about you.

You know, you never mentioned any of this.

All you ever said was it was boring.

Well, there are long periods of boredom,

but they're interrupted by moments of pure terror!

I can't wait to share that with you.

Well, you know, honey, the trip doesn't have to be like this.

I went to the lake website to check the weather,

and, um, it turns out that there is a nice hotel

with a piano in the lobby for sing-alongs.

I'm gonna order the sheet music

for Legally Blonde: The Musical.

So, it's official.

You're going. Fantastic.

Uh, but I definitely think