Home Improvement

Does everybody know what time it is?

Tool Time!

That's right. Binford Tools is proud to present Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor!

Thank you, Heidi.

Thank you very much.

Welcome to Tool Time. l'm Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor

and you all know my assistant, Al Borland.

- - How are you doin'?

Thanks for the ride.

Maybe next time you'll kick in for gas.

All right. Great to be back. First show this season.

l've got some big news. Somebody on the show's pregnant.

Al, when are you expecting?

Actually, it's Heidi who's expecting a bundle of joy.

That's right, our little Heidi.

Just married, soon to be Tool Time mom, give her a round of applause.

Good to be back with a big show. lt's a two-parter.

We're doing our Tool Time salute...

- ...to engines, big and small. - That's right.

Today we're gonna show you a couple examples of some smaller engines.

ln the next segment, the Navy's invited us aboard the USS Constellation,

the aircraft carrier, to see some big motors. Oh, yeah.

Actually, they invited me and Heidi. We had to beg them to let Tim come.

Let's get back to small engines. Look at this.

lt's a Conley 427.

Smallest four-stroke production V-8 in the world.

Beautifully detailed, four-bolt mains, and runs in a car like this.

- Start her up, Al. -

l bet there's people out there going,

''That's the smallest engine in the world''.

Wrong.

The smallest engine in the world is on the smallest automobile in the world,

the Denso Micro-Car.

Marv, you want to come in here a little closer?

lt took 20 people four years to assemble this bad boy.

lt's an actual working car the size of a grain of rice.

Look at her go.

A little more speed it'll be the lead car

in the Uncle Ben's 500 this year.

- Let's take a closer look. - Tim...

- They're not around. - They're very delicate.

- Don't pick it up. - Hey!

That is what l call a compact car.

Hey. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford.

- Hi, guys. - Hey, Mom.

Well, l got you everything you'll need to start school.

Backpacks, notebooks, paper, pens, highlighters.

- Anything else you need? - Someone to go and pretend to be me.

Randy, you must be looking forward to starting high school.

Yeah, this sleeping in late and having fun all day is getting on my nerves.

You should be like Brad. He can't wait to start.

Yep, and right out there's the reason why.

They have every class together.

Brad's even thinking about joining the modern dance club.

- Hi, sweetie. - Hi, Mom.

So, you seem to be seeing an awful lot of Angela.

Yeah. She's great, isn't she?

Yeah. She's great. She really... She's... She's great.

Yeah.

But you know what l was thinking?

A guy your age should be playing the field, dating different girls.

Nope. l found the one, so what's the point?

- Oh, hi, Mrs. Taylor. - Hi.

- Brad, l think l left my bag. - Oh. Oh, here it is.

- Here you go, Ang. - Thanks, sweetie.

l can't wait to go back to school.

lt's been pretty smooth so far.

lf the landing's anything like this, we might as well just take a nap.

A little present from Tool Time.

- How was your flight? - What?

- How was your flight? - Good, thanks.

- Good. - Tim, Captain Lloyd Jenkins.

- Welcome aboard. - Captain.

Well, Captain, think you're ready for Tool Time?

Sure, Tim. l think we're all prepared.

Welcome to Tool Time,

coming to you from the USS Constellation aircraft carrier.

Thank you, Heidi, and welcome to a special Tool Time salute...

- - ...to engines

We're in the hangar bay of the ship with the ship's captain, Lloyd Jenkins.

- Thank you for having us on board. - Our pleasure.

Right behind me is the Navy's most advanced fighter, the F-1 5.

Actually, Tim, it's the F-1 8.

Eighteen, 1 5... it's a number, isn't it?

This baby sports twin low bypass turbo engine fans

with a 1 600 gallon internal fuel capacity.

- lsn't that right? - That's exactly right.

You seem to be an expert on the Navy.

Well, sir, as a former Seabee l like to keep my oars in the water.

He was stationed in Nevada.

The closest he ever got to the water was the fountain at Caesars Palace.

Well, Captain, why don't you give us information on the Constellation?

She's virtually a floating city, Al, with a crew of 5,500.

She's got her own post office and hospital

and serves over 1 8,000 meals a day.

Now that Al's here, make that 1 9,000.

We've just entered the Constellation's combat direction center,

this carrier's state-of-the-art mission control facility.

These sailors have a tremendous responsibility.

When mine does that at home the cursor has to be moved over to the left and in.

- - Whoa, whoa.

What did l do here?

Tim, you just declared war on Finland.

Huh?

l'm ready to serve, sir.

Just kidding, Al.

When we found out Tim was coming aboard we deactivated our weapons.

Really.

l think you just said,

''The library's between the church and the meatballs''.

l thought that meant ''city hall''.

No, l think ''city hall'' is... .

Let's ask your mom. She knows Spanish.

She's not home. Let's check the dictionary on my computer.

Or in Spanish...

You just said, ''Let's go up and check the dictionary on my gall bladder''.

This is the Constellation's navigation bridge.

Al's scouting out the flight deck.

Al, this is great, isn't it?

- Roger that, Tim. - Marv, follow me back here.

Excuse me while l show them the equipment.

A lot of impressive buttons. Sure they have safeties,

- so you can't accidentally turn one... -

What have l done, Captain?

You've just activated the firefighting wash-down system

for the entire flight deck.

Tim! Tim, stop playing with all those buttons!

lnteresting.

This is our diesel engine room, Tim.

Tim, on a ship, like in a basement, you might want to watch your head.

This is a ten-cylinder,

1 340 horsepower, at 720 RPM, diesel engine.

lt's a generator. lt's a back-up generator!

You put some blades on this, this baby will mow a lawn!

A whole series of steam channels over this...

Hello, Tim.

You remember Al Borland. Hi, Al.

Did you start the engine segment without me?

Yes, l did.

And l'm certainly sorry to...

...burst your bubble.

l think this will be great.

What l want to do is set a camera up here and shoot back in this direction

so we can show the Tool Time audience

how you guys test the engine on an F-1 4 Tomcat.

lt's a good idea but it'll have to wait. l'm busy the next couple of hours.

- What do you have to do? - l'm heading down to the mess deck.

Guys from catapult maintenance are throwing Heidi a baby shower.

A baby shower?

Wow.

This is the new Navy.

Hi. l was just on my way out.

So l can't stay and talk. l love your hair. Bye.

Angela, l'll call you later.

So, um, Mom, what are you doing home?

My class was cancelled.

What do you have to say for yourself?

Well, your hair does look kind of good right now.

Brad, what were you doing with a girl in your bedroom?

Um... nothing.

When l walked in it didn't look like nothing.

You wouldn't have seen it if you'd knocked.

Don't get smart. You are not allowed to have a girl in your room

when we're not home!

Now she'll probably never come back, thanks to you!

Excuse me. You have a girl on your bed,

l catch you and l'm the bad guy?

- Mom, l didn't do anything wrong. - Really?

What would have happened if l hadn't come home then?

None of your business.

You think l'm gonna talk to you about my sex life?

Sex life?

When you test the F-1 4 Tomcat motor, you control it from here?

- Where's the throttle? - lt's right there.