The Perfect Date (L'Amour, c'est mieux à deux)

THE PERFECT DATE

You can't even be on time for my wedding!

Sorry, parking took forever.

It's cool.

So you're getting hitched?

Mazel tov!

Why? I'm not Jewish.

How do you know?

Mazel tov sounds good, it's festive.

Is my tie alright?

I'll fix it.

It looks crap?

It's fine.

- I knew it. - Sorted.

Who's the blonde? I've never seen her before.

She's Swedish. I handled her divorce.

8 years studying law just to meet divorcees.

What a scam.

Maybe, but it works.

She's got an ass like Halley's Comet.

One every 15 years.

75!

Halley's Comet is every 75 years.

See what I mean?

Candice Rap, do you take Michel Nathan

as your lawful wedded husband?

I do.

Michel Nathan, do you take

Candice Rap as your lawful wedded wife?

I do.

I declare

you both man and wife.

You're Halley's Comet.

You're Halley's Comet.

Be kärful.

Be kärful, Vincent.

I don't understand.

Be kärful!

Yeah... Say some more...

Be kärful.

That turns me on. "Be kärful".

Be kärful.

Yes...

You're officially divorced.

- What can I say? - Nothing.

I knew it would never work.

It wasn't fate.

Not that again!

I do know!

Vincent.

I'm leaving for South America.

A humanitarian mission.

"Building Hope". I may never return.

No comment?

Crap.

Pardon?

She signed "Crap".

"Rap". It's her name. C is for Candice.

She's still signed "Crap".

Sure it's signed "Crap".

Her name is Candice Rap so she signs "Crap".

Right.

If her name was Fanny Unky it would be Funky!

Good, we've had a laugh. Let's move on.

All your naff theories about True Love have got you where?

You divorce after a year.

Know what your problem is? Your family!

Sort it! Or you'll never make it with chicks.

Thanks for the encouragement.

I feel on top of it now.

What? A baby?

Mine? Is she sure?

She vanished back to Sweden over a year ago,

that kid could be anyone's!

I warn you, I demand a DNA test!

What's his name?

Again? We were cut off.

Arvid? No, we weren't cut off.

Thanks. Bye.

Arvid.

Look at that bouquet!

It's so hot.

Listen!

Please, everybody!

Grandpa's speech!

Jean-François! Cécile!

It's our 60th wedding anniversary.

Want to hear it again?

- You asked for it! - Yes!

I was in London that summer

to learn English.

Like hell you were!

I was in Hyde Park, wearing shorts and a singlet.

Stylish!

And a storm broke.

I was drenched.

She offered to share her umbrella.

I said: "Thank you."

She replied: "Mais de rien."

She was French! I was saved!

The first time I saw her

it was crystal clear.

We kissed under her umbrella.

And ever since that day we thank fate

for bringing us together.

Really.

Thanks, mum-in-law.

Dad.

This is fun. Mum.

Time you started.

I'm doing my best.

Congratulations.

I knew your mother!

Frankly, Nathalie, this case will be tricky.

Problem is, your ex is in a precarious situation.

And I can't work like that.

Isn't a lousy marriage a precarious situation?

We're gonna fight, don't worry.

I'm not in the way?

Come on.

When did we last make love?

I'd say between 10 to 15 minutes ago.

Your friend Michel is waiting.

Remember to pick up your son...

Shit! I'm running late.

You have a son? Since when?

5 years.

Holidays only. His mum lives in Sweden.

What's his name?

Arvid.

I know. Sounds like an Ikea kitchen.

But I love him. Are you free tomorrow?

Basketball.

Basketball?

I'm a top player in the Paris courts.

That's funny, you're not very tall.

You can come.

Right. Cool it, I'm coming!

Take a look at that!

We'll put it away.

And get the works out again tomorrow!

I'm on the waiting list. I'm just going to delay my flight:

there's a cancellation.

And I find myself sitting beside a handsome dentist.

His dad. Flying to New York.

The Big Apple.

He's scared stiff so he takes my hand.

Like he's asking me to marry him!

José! Check the Plymouth table.

Then two days later,

who do I meet walking in Central Park?

Woody Allen.

No, darling, your dad.

Just kidding, mum.

It's lasted 35 years.

- Nicole! - Coming!

These encounters are so moving. It's fate.

Like with us!

Take my parents,

they didn't meet by fate: a fiasco.

I don't give a shit.

Straighten up, you're all hunched!

Hello, Nicole.

Hello, Vincent.

- How are you? - Good.

How's work?

Lousy, recession is bad for divorces.

How you've grown!

Hi, Michel. Sorry I'm late.

30 minutes late is early for you.

Big case?

Awesome.

What did he say?

We all got "Dad" but not the rest of it.

Not fluent yet?

- Hey, Swedish? - Hey, he's your son!

It's a twisted language, nothing like French.

Except for clitoris.

"Klittoris".

Please, Vincent!

I know what a clitoris is!

Unlike your dad.

No! Mum...

Michel!

I never think parents are made like us.

Come on.

This won't do. I don't want dead time.

Anticipate empty glasses! Plan!

The Cambridge table is wilting!

- But... - Don't answer!

Answer me. Why don't you answer?

No! I'm explaining that you don't answer.

What about the cake...?

You do not answer!

6 months ago I dated a singer.

Nightmare!

If I'd bonked her bum like she fucked my head

she'd have a flat ass.

The way you talk about women!

Know what they say about us?