Crowded

All right, here goes our fourth attempt

at family movie night.

"What should we watch?" he asked,

knowing it would become a nightmare.

I want to watch "Taken."

I love it when Liam Neeson

kicks the crap out of European guys.

Liam Neeson, Harrison Ford, Clint Eastwood...

all you want to watch are movies where oldie saves the day.

Well, how about "Tin Cup"?

Kevin Costner is a golfer o makes a comeback.

Excellent idea, son!

So that's what those words sound like.

Okay, I know I've suggested it before,

but how about "March of the Penguins"?

all: No!

Every week, Shea,

you push your fanatical penguin agenda.

Penguins are beautiful, intelligent creatures

that have adapted to the world's harshest conditions

in the cutest possible way.

I'm crying already.

Martina, random thought.

How about next Saturday,

we go out with people our own age?

Screw you too.

What Mike means is, we love you all...

But sometimes we don't.

It's just that since you moved back in,

maybe we're spending too much time together.

You know, too much of a good thing.

I get it.

Shea and I haven't gone out

since we moved back either.

That's because we're broke.

I wonder if that's related

in any way at all to not having jobs.

We're trying,

but the economy won't hire us.

Tuition money clearly well spent.

What's the big deal with going out?

We never do, and we like it just fine.

What do you mean, "We like it just fine"?

I'm telling you all the time I want to go out.

You say a lot of things.

But you always say you're gonna take me out.

I say a lot of things too.

Fine, we'll go out.

- When? - Soon.

- When? - A Saturday.

- When? - This Saturday.

Good. Oldie saves his marriage.

Morning, sweetie.

What you doing on the porno machine?

I'm kidding.

I know it does other things.

I'm looking at Facebook pictures of us

before the girls moved back in.

We used to be cool.

Out with other couples, dancing,

doing shots.

There's life in our eyes.

I remember life.

You dummies don't know what's coming!

Enjoy it while you can!

It's going away.

Okay, honey,

maybe we just give Facebook a little rest there.

Look, really, all we got to do

is find another cool couple

our own age to go out with,

and we'll be cool again.

You're right.

How about the Petersens?

I really like Debbie.

Me too, but I don't need to spend another night

hearing about Gary's boat.

"Really, Gary? You scraped the hull?

That's terrific."

So look, the name of the show

was called "Saved by the Bell,"

and the principal was Mr. Belding.

Bell ding.

A bell dings?

Okay, what's the point?

The point is,

there's a lot of stuff going on

that we don't even know about.

That may be true, but you shouldn't have said it

in your job interview.

If Jamba Juice can't handle the truth,

that's on them.

Oh, Mom and Dad, for our next family movie night,

how about "Surf's Up"?

Okay, hear me out.

It is about penguins, but there's also a chicken.

And they become best friends and overcome hardships,

and you'll never believe who ends up winning

the Big Z Memorial Surf Off.

I'm gonna need a minute.

And that's the smart one.

Dan and Deirdre?

No, Deirdre's got that hiss laugh.

Ss-ss-ss-ss!

Did you think that was funny, Deirdre,

or did you spring a leak?

In every couple, there's always a dud.

Is one of us a dud?

No, we're both fantastic.

Oh! How about John and Ann?

John is totally cool,

and Ann's kind of an emotional wreck

with a stick up her butt, but she's fine.

I think that's our best shot. I'm in.

Hey, Ann, it's Martina.

Mike and I were wondering if you and John wanted to...

Oh, my God, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Okay, we'll talk when you feel better.

Bye.

John moved out last week.

They're separated.

There goes our best shot.

Here's an idea.

We find a woman we both like

and then fix her up with John.

We Frankenstein together the perfect couple-friends?

Exactly.

Oh, Jane from your work is fun,

except, she's got that boyfriend.

Not anymore.

He cheated on her, broke her heart.

It really destroyed her.

That's fantastic!

Things are finally going our way.

Can't we just skip getting jobs

and meet up with some Armenian nightclub promoters

who will buy us stuff?

No, we're gonna earn money and take ourselves out.

It's 2016.

Love it.

Be our own Armenian nightclub promoters.

Grandpa, can I put you down as a reference?

I can't put my name on a lie, Stella.

Hey! I...

Actually, yeah, that's fair.

You know, by the time I was your age,

I was crouched in a rice paddy outside Da Nang

scoping out Charlie.

What have you done?

I have more than 2,000 followers on Twitter.

What's a Twitter?

What's a rice paddy?

Hello, all.

So, Bob,

about our date Saturday night,

which better be happening

if one of us knows what's good for him...

Well, Saturday's a pretty busy night here.

Hey, why don't Stella and I run the bar?

We can make some money, and you two can go on your date.

Yeah, and when we do a great job,

then you can give us references.

Boy, you guys are on a roll.

Perhaps we can increase business

with modern techniques and strategies.

Come on, Dad.

They're showing gumption, moxie, grit...

all those things old people like.

I do like those things.

Will you stay here and supervise?

- I'd be happy to, Dad. - Good.

As a boss, I promise to be tough but fair.

We're not gonna listen to you.

Understood.

Ann, Ann,

what is wrong?

Oh, it's John.

He's already dating.

One of our friends must have fixed him up.

What monster would do that?

Oh...

Probably someone who means well.

Or maybe he just met someone at a coffee shop,

or they reached for the same apple

at the supermarket.

Stop making it sound cute!

Come on in. Have a seat.

I'll get you a tissue.

Thank you, Martina.

And can that tissue be made of glass

and filled with vodka?

Everyone leaves me.

Great, I'll see you then.

It worked.

John and Jane had a great date,

and they want to go out with us.

Shh!

Ann's in the living room crying.

Well, then you better not mention to her

that they're taking us out to dinner tonight to Buna.