Lazor Wulf

- -

Give up, you stone-colored shit fox.

Give up!

Smartest decision you've ever made.

Now give me my damn title.

Take heed! This is the beginning

of a forever-long winning streak.

Mwah! Ooh! Oh.

Ah, mm, yeah. Oh, baby.

Mm, ooh, you so nasty.

And that was the last time you actually won anything.

What the you telling me this for?

I was just thinking about how big of a loser you are.

No offense.

You got some nerve calling me a loser.

I should kick your ass.

It'd probably be the first fight you won in 25,000 years.

you, Wallace. We're going to Strongburg.

What for?

I'm going to get my biggest W

by handing my smallest annoyance

their largest L.

# That's a fish #

God is in the motherfigity house!

- # What's a fish? # - That's nice. Now leave.

I challenge you... to a fight.

I'm good. Fighting is archaic.

- What the hell, man? - Is wrong with you?

Like I said, fighting is archaic.

But I am willing to play you

- in a game of Ohno. - Ohno?

Only losers in Milwaukee know how to play that shit.

Man, you know we don't know how to play that .

Ohno is another one of your ideas

that mistakenly went through.

Yeah, but to be fair, they're all usually ideas.

Dude is a legit loser.

Shut up, Wallace. Ohno it is.

I'll hand you your ass and return home a winner.

What is all this commotion I hear?

- Wow. - You got to lose that hat.

You lookin' like the jack of all asses right now.

Uh-ah! Learn to love it.

Learn to love it.

- Can we play already? - Fine. I'll deal.

#

Goddamn it, this game is fixed!

How do you lose before we even start?

For an omnipotent being,

you take the most Ls, my dude.

The most! You, like, addicted to losing or something?

Well, I... I...

One more game! Please!

No, I think I'm good.

We're going to go to the mall and buy us a tv

with Stupid Horse's money.

Wait, wait, wait!

Okay, you have my attention.

I won this from your great,

great, great, great, great...

...great-great-grandfather, Infiniti Wulf.

One more contest, winner gets the belt.

Eh, I'll need a second to consider this,

in a huddle with my friends and family.

Not you, Stupid Horse, because of the hat.

- Aww! - That loss is technically

the only real L this family has taken

- if you exclude all of Canon's. - True. True.

I was asleep throughout most of this,

but I say do what you gotta do, my dude.

I can't stress enough how that one loss has haunted this family.

I mean, this ain't no typical Canon Wulf up.

Now, go whup big head's ass and end the shame

that Infiniti Wulf casted on this family!

The you shouting for?

The point of a huddle is to whisper

and shouting negates that.

Alright, good talk, gang. Break!

My answer is...

- Aight. - Good.

But only if we move from Strongburg

and into thee realm of tarnation.

Not tarnation!

Lazor, this was not discussed in the huddle.

Same place where I won my championship belt.

It's a deal.

Oh, wow. You might actually have a chance.

Shut up, Wallace!

I also get to choose the game,

you floating geriatric fart wind.

Fine with me, shit whiskers.

But you must come alone.

Y'all want to play Connect 5?

I'm down as long as Stupid Horse don't get to play.

That hat really is upsetting.

The hate only makes me stronger.

Oof. You got to be a strong individual to wear that hat.

#

Thee realm of tarnation, where time is silent

and everything is nothing.

Where we have endless space for our final confrontation.

Pick your form of war, you summertime armpit.

Rock, paper, scissors, you floating trash cloud.

So, that's your choice?

Best two out of three.