Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce

Previously on "Girlfriend's Guide To Divorce"...

I am kind of screwed.

My book is due in a few weeks,

and I'm on chapter three.

I've just been so busy at SheShe and with Jake in Latvia.

You guys, I'm so sorry. We have to go.

- Sorry. - No, you have to stay.

Abby, back off.

I just want to make sure you're not giving him a pass

because you feel guilty about what happened with your boss.

- What if we moved there? - New York?

I could work from the New York office.

I have been driving myself crazy trying to make this work.

I'm not even sure I like you.

Seems like we're done here.

Let's not introduce JD as the artist.

Let's run with the enigma thing.

You take my breath away.

No, Ralf, I can't. I can't.

What if I care about you, Jo?

Want to meet your son?

_

She just blacked out.

Check your pulse.

Do you feel any pain in your neck or head?

We're going to elevate your legs.

- Oh. - Abby, you scared us.

- Jesus, Abs. - Hi.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

I just... I don't know what happened.

I was up, taking care of Becca, and then I was down.

It was so surreal.

You fainted because of all the stress.

What, you think? Who knew Jake was black?

Any clue on the baby papa?

- Taye Diggs. - Wow, Taye Diggs.

- Oh, my God. - Becca's one-night stand.

Seriously?

After you invested all this time and concern

into Becca and the baby?

I did. I really did.

Sorry, it's just that, you know,

the real shocker was that the baby wasn't ours.

I mean, Jake's.

I mean, the kids and I,

we... we were really getting attached, and...

Well, now you can have your life back.

- Yeah. - I know, and I will do that.

I just, uh... I'm gonna get there.

I just... the baby and Harris

sort of blew up and out of my life on the same night.

- No. - Harris? What happened?

Oh, it is definitely for the best.

Turns out he is not into kids.

Well, then it's good-bye, Dr. Dickwad, right?

There's a doctor behind me, isn't there?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Good morning, Ms. McCarthy. - Hi.

- Hey. - I'm Dr. Nickel.

- How are you feeling? - Much better.

I just, um... I got a little overwhelmed.

- And it's nothing serious. - Not yet.

But according to your blood work, you have low proteins,

hemoglobin, calcium.

Have you been on a juice cleanse?

- No. - Good.

I have no patience for Juice Moms.

Chew something. That's why God gave us teeth.

Still, you are run down, dehydrated.

You need to take better care of yourself.

So, I'm gonna let you go here today

if you promise to rest for a few days

and eat a sandwich... or ten.

Uh...

I promise. I, uh, cross my heart.

I just rest, sandwich.

So you're 40 plus years young this week, huh?

Yay.

- Happy birthday. - Thank you.

But you're getting older.

The next time you collapse, you could smash your head.

People die that way.

Copy that. Thank you, Doctor, really.

Thank you so much for that.

What a way to start your birthday week, huh?

- Yeah. - "People die that way."

Abby, I think we should celebrate gently

before you expire from the juice cleanses.

- We should. - Thursday night?

- I'm free. - Oh.

Gordon's in Vegas.

He's celebrating his bachelor party.

"Duh, guys, let's celebrate my marriage

by being horny idiots; come on."

Vegas, which is like the land of depression and loneliness.

Even I think it's tacky.

Some people, you know, use it as an opportunity

to bond with your friends, you know,

before you're moving on.

I like bachelorette parties.

- No, not really. - Not to me.

Well, I gotta go. It's work, 911. All right.

- Okay. - Feel better, Abs.

Bye, sweetie, see you.

So Thursday night? Abby's birthday?

- Yeah, right. Abby. - Don't forget.

- All right, bye. - Okay.

- Oh, my God, she is so annoyed. - She has no idea.

You guys, do you think we should really do this?

Yes, yes, yes. She's gonna be so surprised.

Wait. Are you gonna be okay?

Barbara has hooked us up

at a very exclusive "ladies club."

- What? - Dude strippers.

Mmm, yeah.

But you might be not into it right now.

Negative, no.

We're not gonna wimp out

on Delia's bachelorette because of me.

So if you're sure,

we have to show up at her office after work

and kidnap her.

I'll get the masks.

- Kidnap? - Masks?

That's how you do it.

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce - 02x11 - Rule 118- Let Her Eat Cake

Well, unless anyone else has anything,

I guess that's a wrap until next month.

I have something.

About the East Coast office situation.

We all know that New York headhunters

have been poaching us to death.

I know. That's the problem with having

an out-of-town office.

Maybe time to fold our hand in New York.

Or we could send a partner there.

Who'd want to get in to that mess?

I would.

I can stop the bleeding,

get that place running like a top.

Okay, but aren't you getting married in, like, an hour?

I assume that's still on.

It is. Gordon would come too.

He has a business there,

and I would come, right back

after it's settled there.

Well, I think it's a great idea.

Albert?

Oh, well, Delia is our force of nature.

If anyone can help save 360 Park...

But, is that what you want?

You've always said that, uh,

New York is only good for 72 hours

and an expense account.

Well, one out of two isn't bad.

And I'm ready for a fresh start.

Well, then I guess it's unanimous.

We'll miss you.

God, it's so weird coming home in the same clothes

I went out with.

It's so "Orange Is the New Black."

Mm-hmm.

And... and coming home to the same dishes

that were out when I left.

It's okay. What's this?

Happy birthday.

From Rize Bakery, straight to your stomach.

That is so sweet.

I mean, cake first thing in the morning,

- that's a little... - Maybe later.

Psycho, put the cleaning supplies down, okay?

Doctor Toughlove says you need to feed yourself,

so take advantage, sister.

Sit your skinny ass down.

Yes, and lucky you, you actually need to eat something.

- Yeah. - And Scott's cake...

needs to be eaten.

That sounded so wrong.

How is it with Scott after the whole couch incident?

Is that gonna be weird?

Eh, Scott and I are always kinda cool.

Yeah?

A good dry hump doesn't have to be all feels, Abs.

Right.

It's like working out together, only less boring.

Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

- Oh, crap, no. - What? What?

Kat is texting me the jacket copy,

but this cannot go in the catalogue.

Look at this Face of Divorce.

I mean, could the photo be any closer up?

You T-Zone looks kind of fracked.

Yeah. Random House can't spring for an airbrush?

Kind of fracked. Yeah.

Give your thumbs a break.

You're supposed to be chilling and eating.

I know. I'm writing...

Chilling and eating.

I am writing a quick to-do list,

and as soon as these things are done,