Shameless

I'm dealing with the terrible twos

and you can't even get your shit together enough

to remembered what happened last week?

It's really fuckin' sad.

Looks more like a crack pipe burn.

Switch hands every now and then.

Or better yet, lay off the crack.

She took on a bouncer at The Three Aces.

No shit, that Samoan could do some serious damage.

No, knucklehead, Eddie fucked up the bouncer.

I'd rather do something with you that doesn't involve talking.

Sorry, I am busy trying to help at-risk youth.

You're the one that got us into this shit, Frank.

And it's Francis now. I no longer resonate

with the hard K.

I found them. This is huge.

These are your ancestors.

They abandoned me.

So they're terrible people, right?

Bart, is that you?

My God, it's Bart.

I'm Bart from Kentucky.

Bart, are you there?

Charge the fort.

Charge the fort.

Whoa, hey, buddy.

- What you got there? - Action figures.

Another stiffy?

Yeah.

Look, why don't you go get ready for school?

Be down in a sec.

Hey, c-close the door behind you.

Thanks, bud.

Hey, landlady,

look what we woke up to this morning.

How the fuck does that even happen?

Will handle ASAP.

You guys live up the street, right?

- Depends on who's asking. - I'm Lula, I run

the neighborhood watch program.

The neighborhood what?

Several houses in the area have been broken into.

We're asking everyone to stay alert.

They took Miss Fenderson's ventilation machine

two nights ago and last night was Mr. Wilson

- across the street. - The Desert Storm guy?

They took his Purple Heart and Silver Star

from his mantle and his TV.

Messing with a veteran is a serious violation

of everything we hold dear as Americans.

What intel do you have of the perpetrators?

He means we'll take a flyer and keep an eye out.

Thank you.

Hey.

- Debbie. - Neil kicked me out so he can

live with that conniving physical therapy slut Lakisha,

so I'm moving back in, and I don't want to hear

your mouth or anyone else's about it

because I am not asking for permission.

I'm a Gallagher and I can live here any time I please

until I'm back on my feet.

And I don't wanna talk about how much it's going to cost

because I'm going to pay my fair share.

I was just gonna say hi.

Grab your blow torch.

My grown-ass druggie tenant

got his head stuck in a fence.

- Okay. You paying? - Yeah, same shit money

- as usual. - Okay, but as soon as

I pass my welding certification final,

my fee goes up to not shit money.

- Done. - So...

Hey.

I was hoping I might be able to catch you for a sec.

Let's go, Debs.

Liam, how many times have I told you not to answer the door

for douche bags?

That didn't go so well, did it?

I can't believe I'm about to meet my real life family.

Didn't know I had any relatives.

How am I supposed to greet them? Do we hug?

Kiss on the cheek? I don't wanna get it wrong.

All of my family reunions start with my aunts

blaming each other for who fucked up the potato salad.

Wow, look at all the birds.

It's all so green.

It's the land of my people.

Looks like one of those movies

where the black folks die first.

Bart!

Little Barty, is that you?

Shit. That's me.

I'm Barty.

Aww.

Look at you.

Grown and healthy.

Hey.

You got all your molars.

Hee!

This is my wife, Veronica.

You can call me V.

Just like your brothers. Love the dark meat.

Must be in the blood.

I am your Aunt Ronnie.

Sugar plum.!

And would you look at these little chocolate pies?

Let's take 'em to meet Uncle Travis.

He just finished skinning up a coon.

Trav!

It's Bart and his beauty.

Welcome home.

- You mean raccoon. - Y'all better get inside

before you burn up.

- Come on, little one. - Come on, girls.

Violating a veteran of the Armed Forces

requires an immediate show of counterinsurgency.

Shock and awe for those bitches.

Don't ask.

Fuck's a neighborhood watch?

A club of George Zimmerman-type of pussies

who aren't trained for military action.

I think it's a group version of not minding

your own business.

Fiona's gonna be pissy.

Why, what'd you do?

Let Sean in.

- What? Sean-Sean? - He was here?

- Yep, then he left. - Fiona's gonna kill him.

Sun salutations, fruits of my loins.

Am I hearing correctly?

The Sean has returned?

- Yep. - This is a test

of our family's spiritual growth.

I forgive him and wish him peace on his journey.

How much longer are we gonna be putting up

with St. Francis of the Southside?

Permanent life change is a daily practice, Lip.

I've just entered my symbolic 30s

and they require a new sense of maturity.

What happened to your symbolic 20s?

We grow up fast in the age of enlightenment.

That's great, so Frank's in his early 30s

and I'm back in puberty.

I'm getting a boner every morning

- and having to whack off. - You're not getting laid?

No, it's part of the rules of sobriety.

You know, I'm supposed to stay away from relationships

- for a while. - Ooh, beware of rules, son.

Real change happens when you reset your internal clock.

Thanks for the fatherly advice.

Your 30s are all about becoming a stand-up man.

And learning to embrace fatherhood.

Too bad you're out of kids to screw up.

That's so not true. I've still got Liam.

He's the only Gallagher who hasn't been ruined

by that whirlwind known as Monica.

And I'm going to parent him the way I should've been

parenting all along, right, son?

Let's get you to school on time.

The first step in good parenting...

Punctuality.

Let's go.

Bastard just shows up out of nowhere?

Lookin' like a million bucks.

Nice haircut.

Musta gotten clean.

Maybe he wants me to know he got clean?

Who cares what he wants, Fiona?

He's another Frank.

What?

The hell are you?

The one who freed your drug-addled head, moron.

You're welcome.

I'm adding her welding fee to your rent.

You need lights back here.

It's unsafe.

Coulda happened to anybody.

Yeah, anyone on heroin.

And pick up your needles.

I don't wanna see this shit around here anymore.

Not mine.

Well, then whose is it?

Plenty of users around here.

I gotta get Franny to Celia's.

It takes a village, being a single mom.

All right. Here.

- Whoo. - Thanks for letting me

bitch about Sean.

You don't need him, Fiona.

You're a strong, independent woman, just like me.

- Come on, Franny. - Come on.

You need some help with any of that?

Independent!

A fella doesn't get too many chances to get it right.

And I've blown it five times.

You're sort of my bonus round, son.

So I want you to tell me, what can I do

to be a better father?

I don't know.

Well, what do your classmates' parents do for them?