Californication - Second Season

Previously on Californication...

- Fuck! - I thought I saw a green light.

- No. - No.

Shut up and fuck me.

Are you OK?

I don't want to lose the most compelling part of my book, so...

I'm done talking about Lew.

If you want to see me again, you just have to ask me out.

Holy guacamole!

I'm this close to booking you a room at Wishes.

What happened to Promises?

Promises of Malibu is no longer in the Runkle family budget.

Wishes is in Oxnard.

My dirty, little whore of a nose is sorry that she let you down.

I promise we won't have any fun while you're gone.

I'm king of fuck mountain!

Well, you earned it.

Charlie, where the hell's my daughter?

She doesn't pick up. She doesn't call.

Son of a bitch!

This is rehab, OK?

I got to tell you all the bad shit I did.

So, what? You hocked everything. Is that it?

The Cartier love bracelet,

the Venetian glass we got on our honeymoon...

I didn't sell that ceramic bowl they gave us as a wedding present.

Oh, well.

I made that for you.

I know. It's special as shit to me.

That's for you, by the way. I made it in art therapy.

Really?

- You're welcome. - Thank you.

I will treasure it always.

Jesus Christ! Marce! Is there more? Is that it? What?

Just the thing with the waiter at the airport Chili's.

Marcy!

I need to fess up, OK? It's part of the process.

There was just a little bit of tongue.

I was gonna get on the plane to see my mother, I swear.

But the guy had some blow. One thing led to another...

- We made out a little. - Enough. Just stop, OK?

If I were doing anything like that, you wouldn't want to hear about it.

You absolutely would not want to know something like that.

Well, I wouldn't say absolutely.

And you were doing something like that.

- Remember? With Dani? - You did.

You went off the deep end, and what did I do, Runkle?

I stood by you. I forgave your ass.

And that's what he's doing. I mean, he's here. He's standing by you.

You know, this is gonna be rough, honey.

You're just in the first week. But you guys will get through this.

You're gonna be stronger in the places that are broken.

Like Hemingway said.

I don't know what I'd do without you guys.

Well, fortunately, you will never have to find out.

We should go, give them some space.

OK. Adieu, Cokey Smurf.

You look much better without that giant monkey on your back.

- Not good enough. - What? You want tongue?

I want everybody in. Come on, you too.

- What? - Literally? Like a group hug?

- So cute. - Please?

All right.

Oh, yeah. That's right. Feel the love.

I'm feeling the love.

The love is strong.

Something poking me on my left, is what I'm feeling.

I got a broner.

Watch and learn.

Are you swinging on the exhale or the inhale?

You hooked it.

Gator ball.

A little hook.

OK, if I hit one ball way the fuck over into Houdini's front yard,

then you have to tell me, right?

- Everything Janie said about you? - Yeah.

No way. I don't interview and tell.

Hook! Captain Hook.

Come on, Moody. It's my fuckin' life.

Not anymore it's not. It's my book.

Besides, I'm not wagering on this game. You invented it.

You made up all the bullshit rules.

Run, you cunt! That was all right. It came back.

Kind of a metaphor for life, isn't it, lad?

Yeah, it's Ashby's world. We all just live in it.

Come on. I've been good. I haven't seen Mia once.

She's been busy doing publicity for this book she wrote.

- What is that, a memoir or something? - Or something.

Come on, give me something for good behaviour!

All right! I can't tell you how I know this,

but the Beverly Hills husband, definitely cheating.

No shit.

No shit. I'll know more when I see her tonight.

You're gonna see her tonight?

Your labia got in the way of that one.

- It's... Friday night. - Yeah.

You can't see her tonight. That's weird.

It's like a... a date.

Two people of the opposite gender can't rendezvous after seven p.m?

- It's automatically a date? - In Ashby's world.

I like that.

No, Marcy's still out of town,

but I could squeeze you in with Oxsana Tuesday at four?

OK. Great. We'll see you then. Bye.

- How's the patient? - Requiring all my patience.

Listen, Daisy,

I can't thank you enough for filling in like this.

No problem. It's fun.

Fun? Rescheduling all Marcy's appointments, dealing with angry clients...

Hey, it's a lot easier than getting cum shot in your eye and pretending to like it.

And all week long I've kind of felt special,

you know, like one of those girls in the movies who works in an office.

Like The Devil Wears Prada or something.

Yeah, well, those girls all generally get paid.

I am not helping out around here to get paid.

You guys took me in. You made me a part of your family.

I don't know if "family" is the right word.

You mean cos of our lengthy...

Don't worry. I get it.

I know it's never gonna happen again.

You do?

Yeah! Don't sweat it. I'm already looking for a new place to live.

Well, the guest room is yours until you...

Excuse me.

Glamorous and important work to do.

You Karen?

Who's asking?

I work for Lew Ashby.

You're a long way from Laurel Canyon.

Here.

What? What is that?

- It just says "Get in the car." - He's not one for words.

- We'll have you back by eleven. - Back from where? What the...

I can't say exactly. But I can say it's supremely awesome.

You honestly expect me to get in that car with you?

What? You got something else to do? It's Friday night.

- Come on. - OK.

You sure about this? We could always grab a box of their best Chardonnay

and drink it at the bus stop.

You promised you'd take me anywhere I wanted to go tonight.

I did, and I meant it.

But I was thinking more like burgers at the Apple Pan.

So you're a cheap date.

Just because two people of the opposite gender

rendezvous after seven p.m. Doesn't necessarily make it a date.

I think Lew would disagree with you on that.

He has. Yeah.

So he knows we're out tonight?

She asked because she obviously still gives a damn.

What about you, your husband?

Where does the one you gave your troth to think you are tonight?

He took the kids to Legoland for the weekend.

- Legoland! - Legoland.

OK. All right.

Plus, he feels Venice is too dangerous. He doesn't like to come here.

Well, in your case, he may be right.

Look at this monstrosity.

- I like this one. - You do?

Yeah, it looks how I feel.

What's that, alienated?

Nauseous? Culturally dispossessed?

No. Horny.

- Cheese cube. - Hank?

- Hank, are you OK? Is he OK? - It just went down the wrong pipe.

Cheese cube.

- Hi. I'm Janie. - Hi. Sonja.

Oh, Sonja. When are you due?

Oh, God. Six more weeks.

- You look great. - Thank you so much.

So how do you two know each other?

Look who's here.

Look at that. The...

Oh, yeah.

Sonja and I, we have no secrets.

Yeah, Hank is the father.

- Alleged father of Sonja's bump. - Wow. OK.

It's nice that you're here.

I never thought you'd be at a place like this. This is Julian's gallery.

Oh, no, I did not know that.

OK, and now that you do, you're never gonna get down here again, will you?

Probably not.

Slippery guy, this one.

Very slippery, yeah. Who's Julian?

Julian Self, The Artist Within.

There he is.

Salvador Dalí.

Oh, my God! Look at that.

You know what? I knew it.

Look how late it is. You know, we're...

hopping from gallery to gallery tonight.

"Gallery-hopping" they call it. We've got another thing to get to.

- I don't think we have another thing. - No, we do.

- No, you can't go. - We have a thing.

You cannot leave without saying hello to Julian.

- No, I think we can. - Say hello to Julian.

You promised we could do anything I wanted tonight.

- I did? That doesn't sound like me. - Lead the way.

You don't know me well enough to torture me in this fashion.

Shit, Marcy! All the petty cash, too?

Oh, hey. Hey, hey, I'm sorry.