The Mindy Project

Christmastime in New York City...

Snow on the ground, lights in the trees,

and so many tourists that it's nearly impossible

to return a bra to a department store.

It's the time of year when...

Are you buying a tree or not? I am.

I'll take your biggest tree.

$250. What?

For a dead tree?

Okay, I'll take that little sickly one.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, and I'm gonna need some help

bringing it to my office.

Is that something you do,

or is it, like, one of your Christmas elves?

All right.

Merry Christmas. Thank you.

Excuse me! Hold the train.

Thank you.

How Hindu are you? It's a Christmas tree.

I don't think so. What are you doing?

What were you holding?

Son of a bitch. Mindy, Mindy.

Mindy, no. (Morgan) Dr. L. Aagh!

Put the tree back! Just like the Grinch!

[Chatter continues in background]

No! Oh!

Merry Christmas!

Good morning, everyone.

Dr, Reed?

Dr. Reed. Oh!

Everyone, Dr. Reed is thin and handsome again.

Okay, calm down. Whoa.

Someone's looking good enough to get roofied.

Your body looks amazing.

Aren't you glad I made you go to fat camp?

It wasn't a fat camp.

It was the center, an holistic weight loss clinic

where I learned I'd been addicted to food.

Dr. Reed, your secret Santa left this for you.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, it's the toffee from where I grew up as a kid.

You can't even buy this in America.

It's too full of fat and sugar.

Thank you, whoever bought me this.

It's a nice gift.

Good-bye, toffee.

I love when you spend the night at Heather's.

It means that I get a morning commute buddy.

I used to think that this other guy was my commute buddy,

but it turned out that he just lived on the subway.

And I didn't find out...

Cliff.

Hey, cliff, cliff.

My story, did you hear it?

Yeah, sorry.

I was up till 3:00 A.M. last night.

Why were you up?

Heather and I got in a huge fight.

You did? Mm-hmm.

Not you and Heather!

You guys are one of the great couples of all time.

Well, lately, everything I do makes her mad...

How I talk... What?

The way I organize my sweaters.

In Roy G. Biv color order.

It's OCD, but...

I swear that if we didn't have concert tickets this month

we'd break up.

Exciting news, everybody.

This Friday, Shulman and associates

is having a Christmas party for the entire building.

The entire building? Yeah.

This building is full of randos

who we should get to know better.

The notary public on five,

maybe those cool lawyers across the hallway.

Okay, is this a ploy so you can hang out with cliff?

What? What are you saying?

Are you having a stroke? What does that even mean?

Oh, and we can exchange our final secret Santa gifts.

Oh, that reminds me. I'm your secret Santa.

Medical gauze? Come on.

Yeah, I don't believe in spending money on stupid things.

Really? So I assume you got that shirt for free?

Bazinga! What?

And with that classic Danny dig, it's settled.

We're gonna have a party.

You and I have to go get food. Okay.

I think the party should be gluten-free.

What? No. Why?

'Cause Tamra has Celiac's disease.

Yeah, when my stomach sees gluten,

it's like, "this ain't your party,"

but how'd you know?

I log what you eat.

I notice what you eat.

Okay, fine, whatever, it can be gluten-free.

Peter, Jeremy, I need you guys

to go pick up classy alcohol.

Yeah, that's not gonna work for me.

It's come to my attention

that, during special events in my life,

I maybe partake in alcohol a little too much.

And, as you know, last year at a holiday party,

I made sex to a Christmas tree.

Well, we'll miss you, but it's probably

for the best, and ultimately we won't notice your absence.

So, Betsy, I need you to get 4,000 wine coolers.

You won't notice my absence because I'll be there.

And I would hope that you guys would respect my wishes

and maybe keep it a dry party.

Ex-queeze me? That's very mature of you, Peter.

No, just because...

Here's what's happening... Shulman and associates

are hosting a Christmas party

free of gluten and alcohol.

And I have a deadly allergy to...

I'm sorry, I can't hear any more restrictions for the party.

Okay, why does this building

have so many taxidermists in it?

It's gonna be a weird party.

Last time I was at a holiday party sober

was at my sixth grade snowflake play.

Actually, you know what,

I had two beers that night.

The holidays can be tough for us food junkies too.

But luckily, they did give us a secret weapon

at the center... This is a taste spray

designed to satisfy my cravings.

Short rib mist. Yummy.

I am very full now.

Okay, the only way we're gonna make it

through this party is if we're sober buddies.

Yes. You stop me from drinking...

You stop me from taking queso into the bathroom.

Deal.

So are you making a gingerbread house this year?

Nah, I got a lot going on.

Work, and my bank just sent me a new credit card,

so I have that to activate.

You are such a horrible liar.

I bet you already imported sugar stained glass from Germany.

Oh, please, German sugar glass?

It's notoriously brittle and cloudy.

Okay, I'll tell you this.

I am making a structure.

I'll give you a hint.

It's the house of a man

that's very important to this country.

Justin Timberlake's childhood home in Nashville.

What?

Hello, Mindy, Danny.

Hello. Hello.

Have you met my new girlfriend Maria Menounos?

Oh, I'm a big fan of your journalism.

You're my hair idol...

Are you two dating?

Yeah.

Wh... you could have almost anybody.

Excuse me. I have never been with such a soulful person.

Aw. Come here, you.

This is our first Christmas together,

and we've just been sharing and celebrating.

Oh, my gosh, Mindy, what's wrong with me?

Here I am, flaunting our blooming love,

and you with your engagement breakup.

I'm just sorry. Okay, listen, pal,

she's fine, okay?

She's been going out with a lot of guys

since that guy... Probably too many guys.

Shh, that's not... A lot.

The right amount. The normal amount.

Not really. Maria... no, hush, hush.

It's been quite a... the point is that I'm doing fantastic.

She's doing great.

Mindy, you don't have to shine it on in front of me.

I'm a friend, okay?

Holidays are always hardest on the lonely.

Suicide rates do go up as we all know.

Sorry. Bye, Maria.

I'm actually dating someone too.

He's handsome lawyer who works in this building.

Oh.

Well, that's... That's great.

No, no, it's better than great.

It's great!

Well, if he works in the building,

I look forward to meeting him at the party.

Great.

Okay, let's go. We can't get out.

We have to go back up... Okay, fine.

Why did you tell Deslaurier you were dating

a lawyer in the building?

'Cause he was rubbing Menounos in my face.

Menounos. Menounos.

Ugh, I hate him. Besides, who knows?

Maybe at the party I will be dating someone.

I knew it. I knew it.