Curb Your Enthusiasm

- What is it? What is that? - I don't know.

What is that, a cell phone?

Oh, God!

- The hell is that? - I don't know.

Oh, it's the smoke alarm. The smoke alarm's going off.

It's the stupid batteries, come on, we gotta find it.

No, it's not that one.

It's not that one.

No. Try the guest room.

I think it's downstairs.

I don't think I have any feelings, in my shoulders. I swear to God.

- It does take its toll, man. - Takes its toll, yeah.

You did very well, by the way.

No, seriously for a guy who doesn't play. I thought he did very well.

You did. You never play, what do you want from yourself?

- Give yourself a break. - Listen, the only thing I'd tell you,

after you hit the ball, six, seven times

and it's not in the hole, just pick it up and we'll move on.

- You shouldn't take more than seven strokes. - Yeah, that's just craziness.

- Just pick up the ball. - He's right, yeah.

Well, you'll never have to experience me again.

Oh, no, we had fun. Did you have fun with us, hanging out?

It's a little boring, to be honest with you.

- That's a nice thing to say. - Well, it fucking was.

Yeah, okay give me back my $150 that I spent on your guest fee.

You paid a $150 for me to look like a fucking asshole?

We were thinking you were... we wanted to spend time with you.

More shocking footage from hurricane Edna...

Look at that. Those poor people.

The storm surge, inundated low lying areas, knocking out phone and power lines.

That's from global warming, that hurricane.

Forty-three deaths have been reported, and thousands left homeless.

Look at that, thousands of homeless people now.

Is estimating the damage from this category five hurricane,

in the billions of dollars.

It's Katrina all over again. Poor people.

- Did you go to Funkhouser's party last night? - No, did you?

- No. - Why?

Because I'm going to Danson's party tonight.

It's like two back-to-back, you know.

I don't want to go to two parties back-to-back.

- It was a stupid night for him to have a party. - Yeah.

- Did you call him? - No.

- Well, what are you gonna say? - I'll tell him Sammy was sick.

You're gonna use your child to get out of a party?

Why not? It's the best thing in the world.

It's a perfect excuse. I wish I had that. It's a great reason to have kids.

It's a great reason to have kids, it's one of the bonuses. Yup.

Yeah, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna say?

- You got nothing. - I know.

I should show up tonight and pretend I had the wrong night.

- That's stupid. - That's great.

Good, right? That's, that's... No, that's fantastic. I love that.

Yeah. Ding-dong, where's the party? Isn't that gonna be great?

- That's a great idea, wow. - Not gonna buy that.

- It's such bull... Obvious bullshit. - No, it isn't.

Nobody would go out of their way, that much, to show up at somebody's house,

pretend they have the wrong night.

- It's gotta be a mental case, who'll believe it. - No, I love that. That's fantastic.

Here's Richard looking in the mirror. You ever seen him with a mirror?

Is that really what I do?

- You happy now? - Yeah.

- All right, I'll see you at Danson's? - Yeah.

All right, thanks for turning me off to a good sport, forever.

It's okay. Are you gonna go tonight?

I don't know, I have to ask Cha Cha. I'll see.

- Cha Cha. - Cha Cha.

- Where did he get her from? Man, oh, man. - She is so hot.

- Good for him. - Good for him.

- Let him enjoy. She's something. - Yeah.

- All right. - All right, my friend.

- See you at Danson's. - I'll see you at Danson's.

Okay. What are you gonna wear?

I'm gonna dress like a little Dutch girl.

What do you mean, what am I wearing?

I can't stop thinking about the hurricane.

My nose is really itching me. And you can't scratch it.

I mean, the pictures on TV were just...

You can't even imagine that people survived it.

I know. It's awful. Awful, I was watching it today.

All these people, they have no place to go right now.

Hey, hey, dumb-dumb, go ahead, move in. Thank you.

I mean, their houses were completely destroyed.

You know what my father used to call those people? Shomhawks.

- Did I ever tell you that? - Yeah.

Have I mentioned shmohawks to you? Shmohawk. Hey, shmohawk.

- He used to yell it out all the time. - Yeah. I mean imagine for one second...

if we lost... if you lost every single thing you had in your life.

What do I have? I don't know. What's so impo... What do I have?

Well this is... There's a...

I like this sports jacket. I can't replace this one.

You know what some people are doing?

That I personally think is a really great idea,

is they're bringing in displaced families.

You know, I've been doing a little research,

and we could actually, have a family here tomorrow.

- What? Tomorrow? - Yeah.

They have no place to go, Larry.

I would need... you know, a couple months to mentally prepare for that. Tomorrow?

We don't have a couple of months. These people need help right now.

It's a nice concept.

You know... Let... we'll think about it.

We don't need to jump into this thing right now.

Imagine how they would feel, to come here and live in our house.

Oh, all right, we're here. We're at Funkhouser's.

Why aren't we just going to Ted and Mary's, Larry?

- This is so stupid. This is so stupid. - What? Are you kidding?

There's nothing to it. We just pretend we had the wrong night.

This way he feels good that at least we attempted to go to his party.

Can't we just go to Ted and Mary's?

We're gonna go to Ted and Mary's after we do this.

It won't take long. It's two minutes.

- Hey. - Hey, Marty.

What happened to you guys?

Where is everybody?

You mean from the party?

Oh, they've been gone for about 24 hours.

- Party was last night. - Last night?

- Great party. We had a lot of fun. - Are you kidding?

- I never heard from you. - The party was last night?

We sent you an invitation, you know. Did you get the invitation?

Oh, my God, that is unbelievable.

- We missed the party? - Totally missed it.

- How did that happen? - Oh, it was a great party.

This may be the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life.

- So you guys thought the party was tonight. - Yeah, obviously.

Everyone else was here.

You know what? I swear I had a feeling. I really had a feeling.

- Anyway... - Well, it's so good to see you.

Tell Nan I'll call her later.

Look, look, look. You're here, come on in. Come on.

What? Get out of here. We don't wanna impose on you.

- No you're not imposing. - You're tired form last night.

You were up late with your party. Get out. Don't... are you nuts?

Don't worry about it guys, we got some food left over,

- got some games to play. Come on in. - No but it's crazy... We don't...

- Hold it, hold it, hold it... - We would not dream of it.

You have no plans.

You're supposed to be here, and you're here.

So come on in. Come on, Cheryl.

Come on. Come on in.

Come on in. Come on.

- Come on, Larr. - Come on, Larry.

Well, I'll tell you this, you missed a great party.

- I'm sure, yeah. - It was a lot of fun.

- I'm sorry we missed it. But shoot... - Well, we didn't wanna miss it.

- No, but... You know what... - Let me tell you what we did.

We had an hour and a half of the greatest improve karaoke singing

you've ever heard in your life.

I'm sorry we missed it. And you know what, we shouldn't be here right now.

- We really should go, this is nutty... - No, no, no, I'm not heaping guilt.

- I think we're gonna get going. - No, no, don't go anywhere.

- No, no, no. Sit down, sit down. - No, I wanna get out of here.

Sit down.

I'm okay with it, and stop feeling bad. We're here now.

You know what game I love that we didn't play last night?

Is and we play for money. A thousand pick-up sticks.

I go get the sticks.

I throw them all over the room. And we pick up the sticks.

And the one with the most sticks wins the pot.

That sounds good. Yeah. What is this? You got company?

- Now it's really crazy. - Now we're intruding on your company.

Please relax, I'll get rid of them.

- Are you guys expecting company? - No.

- (Susie) Hi. - (Jeff) Hey.

- What are you doing here? - The party.

- Where is everybody? - Just a little note.

The party was last night.

- What do you mean, the party was last night? - What are you talking about?

- The party was last night. - It's tonight!

- No, guess who else thought it was tonight? - Who?

- Well what are the odds? - Yeah, what are the odds?

Oh, my God. How about that?

They had the wrong night, just like us. That's unbelievable.

No, no, no. Come on, you.

- We're gonna have a little get together tonight. - No, we should...

No, no, we'll go, we'll go.

- Don't go anywhere. - We'll go.

No. Don't go anywhere.

Listen to me, we're gonna have a little party tonight.

What the hell you doing? You stole my wrong night bit.

I didn't steal it. I gave you full credit.

It's a brilliant idea. I told Susie it was your idea.

- We're never getting out of here. - We'll be out of here in five minutes.

- Five minutes? - Five minutes. Trust me, five minutes.

Yeah, let me tell you something. There's no way you're making Danson's party tonight.

We are locked in here. This is it.

"Locked in." Five minutes, we're out of here, watch.

- Really? Oh, really? - Five minutes.

So, is this fun or what?

- The cake is wonderful. - Cake is incredible, isn't it?

- Best cake ever? - Best cake I ever had.

- And who's ever had more cake than me? - No, exactly. He's right about that one.

- I've never tasted anything like it. - Everything is hand made.

- Where did you get it, Marty? - I'm sucking on it like a mint.

- At a cake shop near the beach... - What shop?

Is that your way of eating cake? Like a mint.

- Wait I need to find, where? - 26th Street Bakery, we got it.

- Oh, you know, Jeff. He can't stop. - The texture. It's the texture.

- All right, well, this has been really fun. - Yeah, we gotta get going.