The Neighborhood

Hey, Calvin.

Any news about Malcolm's job interview?

Eh, not yet. Haven't heard anything.

Oh, my God, it is killing me.

I couldn't sleep a wink last night.

I know. I got your texts

at 2:00, 3:00 and 4:00 a.m.

Look, I'm trying not to worry about it too much.

Oh, yeah, totally, duh.

What was I thinking?

But it has got to be killing you.

I mean, it is an epic story to be the father

of a son who almost made it to the majors,

only to suffer a career-ending injury

and then be rudderless for years.

But now he's back.

He's ready to carve out a path,

but who knows doing what?

You know, I never actually thought

I'd hear myself say this, but...

Dave, can we just talk about you?

Oh, y-yeah, totally. Of-of course.

What about me? Well...

I'm just so nervous about Malcolm!

Look.

This is his first interview in a while.

We're not even sure if he's gonna get it.

So, when he gets here, let's just play it cool.

- Yeah. - All right?

- Hey, guys. - Did you get it?

Did you get it? Come on, now. Spit it out, boy.

Pop. I got the job.

- Yeah! All right. - Yes!

- Okay. - Come on...

Here we go.

- Dave, excuse me. - Oh.

Gosh. I'm-I'm sorry.

- All right. - All right.

Hey, everybody. Listen to Malcolm.

- Well, turns out... - He got the job!

Oh, my God! He got the job! Oh, baby!

I am so proud of you. I knew you could do it.

Aw, thanks, Ma, I appreciate it.

Yeah, man, congrats.

Now you can pay me back that 50 bucks you owe me.

Man...

But seriously, congrats.

But seriously, 50 bucks.

Get out of here, man.

- This is big, Malcolm. - Mm-hmm.

I mean, you're putting yourself back out there

and years from now, you're gonna look back on this day

- as a turning point in your life. - Mm-hmm.

Look, I don't know, Pop, y'all are making too big

a deal out of this, man.

I am selling TVs at Powerhouse Electronics.

I'm not pitching in the World Series.

Look, son. I know this is not your dream job.

But it doesn't mean that this can't be

a stepping stone to something real.

I mean, with your smarts, and your work ethic,

in a couple years, you could be working yourself

up the corporate ladder.

I don't know, Pop.

I've never worked in sales before.

Well, you're in luck.

I mean, I've had my auto shop for 30 years.

I could teach you all about the ABC's of sales.

Always Be Calvin.

You mean, be grouchy

and always forget to put the toilet seat down?

N-No, babe.

Be confident.

- Be charming. - Mm-hmm.

And always make it about the customer's needs.

This customer

really needs you to put the toilet seat down.

- Okay, babe. - Okay.

Look, I'm-a show you how it's done, all right?

- Marty. - All right.

- Huh? - Pretend to be a customer.

Oh, sure.

Excuse me, sir. Do you work here?

Why yes, I do.

How can I help you?

Oh, well, you may want to know

that I was just in the bathroom

and somebody left the toilet seat up.

Well, perhaps you have a question about televisions.

As a matter of fact, I do.

Does this model have VGA and HDMI inputs?

And can it handle both NTSC and PAL frame rates?

'Cause I don't want to be region-locked on a 4K

when 8Ks are right around the corner.

You know what I'm saying, big dog?

I'll handle this, bro. Why don't you go check on them toilets.

I love that we're afternoon friends now.

Yeah, yeah, I know,

but when you said that we would be day drinking,

this is not exactly what I had in mind.

Ooh, Gemma, this Earl Grey tastes like Chardonnay.

The tea cup makes me feel less guilty.

So I see you guys got a piano. Who plays?

Grover started taking lessons,

but he's not really that into it. He doesn't like his teacher.

See, there's your problem right there.

When teaching piano, you have to have fun.

I didn't know you played.

Yeah, I started when I was about Grover's age.

My mom was the church organist. I used to sit next to her

while she'd teach me how to play gospel songs,

but she would add curse words in it to make it fun.

Like "hell-elujah"?

Gemma, that's blasphemous.

Well, I hope Grover can be as good as you someday.

Do you know any fun piano teachers?

Well, I know the most fun one of all...

me.

Oh, my God, that would be so great.

But, are you sure it's not an imposition?

No, not at all. I'll put up with a lot for 50 bucks an hour.

Oh, man, look at the size of these TVs.

I know.

My first TV, the screen was this big.

- My first TV was black and white. - Huh.

Kind of like you and me.

Yeah, except I can't turn you off.

What are you guys doing here?

Well, your dad just wanted to see you in action.

Yeah, and I was halfway down the driveway

when Dave jumped in the back of my truck.

Well, I appreciate you guys coming out to support me,

but, uh, I'm on the clock.

Oh, look how professional he is.

Yeah, got his shirt all tucked in and his khakis.

Hi there. Are you gentlemen being taken care of?

Are you kidding?

This is the most impressive salesman I've ever met.

I mean, tell me the truth,

how many times has he been employee of the month?

Uh, well, actually, this is his first day.

- What? - What?

Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Well, you know, you have one heck of a salesman

here in, uh...

- Malcolm. - Yeah.

Let me guess, these are your dads?

Yup. They sure are.

Oh, no, we are not. I'm his dad.

And I'm his neighbor, but we're best friends.

Okay, well, if you don't mind,

there's a lady over there who's actually interested

- in buying something. - Oh, please.

Can you believe that guy

actually thought we were a couple?

Please, you could do worse.

Okay, Grover, I guarantee you this piano lesson

is gonna be a lot more fun.

How do you know?

Because I've already had my tea.

Now, the first step

is to visualize your audience.

I like to imagine

that I'm walking on stage

at the Apollo Theater.

Oh, oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, hello.

- Who are you waving at? - Quincy Jones.

- Who's that? - Just a guy I used to date.

Okay, now-now, come on, show me

how you're gonna walk onto the stage.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, come on, Grove, that's all you got?

Listen, these imaginary people

paid a lot of money to come see you.

Now strut your stuff, man. Come on.

Uh-huh, okay.

That's good.

Okay. Get it.

Oh, okay.

All right, all right.

Little rock star, you haven't dropped the album as of yet.

Now, most teachers teach you how to play music.

I'm gonna teach you how to feel music.

Tell me how this makes you feel.

- Scared. - Mm.

Like getting your credit ran at a furniture store.

Now how about this?

- Happy? - Oh!

Like getting your credit approved,

now you can get that waterbed!

Can I just go back to waving at my fans now?

Yeah, but they're not gonna cheer you on

unless you play something, baby.

- You're right. - Yeah.

Good thing our piano has this demo button.

Okay, mama's gonna need some more tea. I'll be back.

Hey, Trevor, you wanted to see me?

Yeah, come on in.