Severance

Who are you?

Who are you?

Hello?

I'm sorry, I got ahead of myself.

Hi there, you on the table.

I wonder if you'd mind taking a brief survey.

Who is that?

Five questions.

Now, I know you're sleepy,

but I just bet it'll make you feel right as rain.

Who's speaking?

Oh, God.

Hey! Open the door!

I'd be just thrilled to chat once we've run the survey.

Shall we begin with question one?

I'm not taking your survey.

Shall we begin with question one?

Let me out of here.

Hey!

Open the door!

Fuck.

Hey! Let me out!

Hey.

Hello.

Five questions?

Five questions.

What do I get at the end?

Depends on your answers.

Okay.

Great. Off we go.

Now to start, who are you?

That's the first question?

First name will do.

I don't…

It's okay.

If you can't answer the question, feel free to say, "unknown."

What is this?

Okay, unknown.

Question two, in which US state or territory were you born?

- Wait. - Which state or territory, please?

- I don't know. - Unknown.

Question three, please name any US state or territory.

- Fuck. I... - First that comes to mind.

- I don't know. Delaware. What is this? - Delaware.

Question four, what is Mr. Eagan's favorite breakfast?

I don't... That one makes no sense.

Right? Unknown. Question five.

And as a reminder, this is the final question.

To the best of your memory,

what is or was the color of your mother's eyes?

Okay, what's hap... What's happening?

Unknown.

So that's unknown, unknown, Delaware, unknown, unknown.

What the hell did you do to me?

That's a perfect score.

Are you ready for Mr. Scout?

Thank you.

Go ahead.

Mr. Scout.

Hi, Judd.

- All right, see you this evening. - Yep, see you soon.

- You're breathing shitty. - Sorry.

You sick?

Maybe. Petey was sniffling yesterday.

Mmm. If you breathe on me, I'll rip your larynx out.

Wow. That went right to ten.

I feel like ripping out my germ-ridden larynx

would get you sicker than just me breathing on you.

- Nah. Endorphins. - Oh.

Petey better not be out for the day, 'cause I'm about zero seconds

from wrapping the Tumwater file, and he needs to process it.

Uh, I think he's out.

If he doesn't process today, they won't know until Tuesday of next week.

- It's typical Lumon bullshit. - Oh. Careful, guy.

Hi, kids. What's for dinner?

Goddamn it, Irv. We warned you.

About the greeting? You were kidding.

No, we sincerely hate it. How many reasons did we come up with?

- Eight. - Eight reasons.

Chief among them the latent condescension.

And it's confusing. Like, did the kids make you dinner in this scenario? Or...

Yeah. What kind of a shit dad are you?

- No Petey? - Uh, we think he's sick.

Oh, no. And Dylan's about to wrap Tumwater today.

Yeah, and if he doesn't see me finish,

I might get passed over for refiner of the quarter

and miss out on my goddamn waffle party.

Grumble, grumble. These perks are so out of hand.

When we'd process a file in the old days,

they'd shake our hand and fill up the creamer.

I still don't buy they actually incentivized creamer.

They did. And back then, we were grateful for it.

- That's fucked, dude. -

Yes, very fucked.

To put in an honest day's work and not get a children's breakfast in return.

- Oh, uh-oh. Irv's got claws today. -

Good morning, Macrodata Refinement.

Hi, Mr. Milchick.

Mark, could I have a word?

Last time you saw Ms. Cobel, she was in her old office.

Now she's in her new office.

It's a completely different office.

What's this about?

She'd never say so,

but I know a compliment about the office would just make her day.

Mark? Come in. Shut the thing.

Nice office.

Ugh, it's horrid.

Yeah, the old one was better.

Oh.

You look awful. You look hungover.

Have a seat.

The Board will be joining us remotely today.

Oh.

I have Mark S. At my desk.

Oh, uh, hello. You...

I assume this is about me acting as department chief today.

Okay. Uh, well… I mean,

I've subbed for Petey before, so it shouldn't be that big a thing.

Petey is no longer with this company.

I'm sorry?

I said, Petey is no longer with this company.

I'm sorry, Mark. You guys were one of my favorite office friendships.

I mean, there should have been some notice of this. What happened?

We'd love to tell you,

but unfortunately, non-disclosure policy forbids.

We'd be aiding an assault on Petey's privacy by you.

Wh...

Mark, would you place your key card on my desk?

Mark S., at this time I confer upon you the freedom to serve Kier

in the advanced role of Macrodata Refinement department chief.

Congratulations.

Oh, a handshake is available upon request.

Thank you. May I have a handshake?

I know you haven't run a training before, but Irving will be there to shadow.

Just stick to the flowchart and escalate properly depending on dialectics.

You'll be fine.

- If you need to take a few minutes... - Thank you. I don't.

Oh, and, uh, thank you to the Board as well.

The Board won't be contributing to this meeting vocally.

Our last refiner, who was a woman, was...

Carol. Dylan's old seat.

Hmm.

Don't be sad.

I'm fine. We'll be fine.

I know you and Petey were close.

He was the only one who really appreciated your humor.

Everything's fine. So, I'm supposed to start with just the input survey?

Isn't that a little weird?

It's standard.

Just start at 1A and continue by line, based on her answers.

Well, what if I just talk to her?

She deserves to have the information presented to her in the proper order.

Just as you had.

"If the trainee becomes agitated and demands to leave, skip to page 19."

She has to ask three times for you to let her.

- Right. - Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Um…

Image is good.

She looks nice.

Okay. You're all set.

I just love seeing you all come in like this.

Go on ahead when you're ready.

- All right. - Okay. Um…

There you go.

Who are you?

All right.

- - Who are you?

- Mark. - What?

You skipped the preamble.

Hello?

Shit!

Um…

I'm sorry, I got ahead of myself.

- That's it. - Okay, um…

Hi there, you on the table.

I wonder if you'd mind taking a brief survey.

Who is that?

Five questions.

Now, I know you're sleepy,

but I just bet it'll make you feel right as rain.

Who's speaking?

"Who's speaking?"