The Simpsons

I am not an Fdic-insured bank.

Wow, Bart!

Lookin' good!

Well, I have to look good for tomorrow.

Right...

tomorrow.

Homer, you do know what tomorrow is.

Think. Think.

I'm not thinking. You think.

You have to think, it's your job!

You have to think, it's your job.

Why you little...

Homer!

Lisa is receiving

the Student of the Millennium

Award at school.

To be fair, the millennium

just started, so it's not

that big a deal.

But they're giving it to me.

You have to be there.

You miss way too many precious

moments in the childrens' lives.

What?! Name 12.

Well, just this week,

there's been field day,

picking me up from the airport...

And the Father-Daughter Dance.

Lisa, if you like, I'm certified

to conduct a mock father daughter conversation.

Just dance.

Homer, you cannot miss Lisa's big day.

And you have to come sober!

American sober or Irish sober?

Point zero eight sober.

Point one five.

Point zero nine.

Point one zero with a

stomach full of bread.

My final offer.

Deal.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

Can't be late for Lisa's big day.

I'm gonna make it.

I'll be on time for Lisa's thing.

Ooh, an awesome accident.

Easy, easy...

I'll just take three seconds to gawk.

Aw, everyone's okay.

Gonna make it. Gonna make it.

An hour and 54 minutes to spare.

With my free time I can finally

work on my Superman novel.

"'Make way for Superman,'

"said Superman as he punched

everyone at the Coffee Bean.

Chapter Two..."

Oh, man,

they just keep kicking off awards

season earlier and earlier.

Yeah, the whole thing is just a scam

to sell ad space in the school paper.

That's the place that did both my Grandmas.

I did both your grandmas.

Shut up!

Shall we look at the next one?

Willie.

He'll buy beer for you, but he'll make

you drink it with him.

Darn these long bank lines.

Although it does give me

a moment with my thoughts.

Ooh...

Darn these long bank lines.

That old man over there isn't even

making a transaction.

He just wants someone to talk to.

Before this was the Bank of Springfield,

this was the Midwest Savings and Loan.

And before that,

it was an abandoned theater.

And before that, it was a theater.

Where's Dr. Kevorkian when you need him?

Well, if I know doctors,

he's probably golfing.

Excuse me for a moment.

Everyone down on the floor, now!

This is a robbery!

Uh, not a separate robbery we're together.

You mean like a couple?

- No! - Yes!

Oh, great.

We're being robbed by Johnny and Clyde!

Stay away from that button!

Damn it!

Well, Marge,

who's the unfit parent now?

You know, a principal's dream

would be to have a school with

nothing but Lisa Simpsons.

Unfortunately, the rest of you exist.

From her grade-grubbing to her apple polishing...

She's got a cell phone!

We didn't plan for this, man.

We didn't plan for this.

Ol' Gil's here for his first

day as security guard.

Oh, boy...

Oh, no. Now it's murder, man.

It's murder.

Uh, Chief, looks like we gota 64-G in progress.

Armed robbery with a gun.

Come on, Chief, you know this.

Oh, a shooty-stealy.

And now the reason we're all here today...

Lisa Simpson!

Oh, hello, Marge.

I'm at the most important event

of our daughter's life,

and you're totally late.

Am I disappointed?

Yes.

Am I surprised?

No.

Homer.

I'm a hostage in a bank robbery.

What?!

Oh, my God, my sweet Margie!

Okay, listen very carefully.

Don't do anything they say,

remain panicky, and above all,

try to be a hero.

Homer, I have to go.

If I don't make it,

feel free to remarry

from anyone on the list in

the bulletin board in the closet.

Lindsat Naegle, Booberella, Blythe Danner. Also, feed cat

Good-bye, my love!

Okay,

this isn't the way I planned it,

but you can make it out alive

as long as there's no funny stuff.

Don't worry about me.

I was voted America's least funny clown.

Worse than Scuzzo, Scummo, Oopsie, Carlos Mencia,

Stinko, Blumpy.

Even worse Sergeant Serious!

How could I do worse than him?!

I stole all his jokes!

Chief, you gotta do something

my current wife is in there!

Maybe you should take over,

cause I got no stake in this.

This isn't even my bank.

I'm over at First Federal.

Oh! Dye pack!

Man, that stings.

Oh. Damn it!

What are you looking at, huh?

Oh! Is anyone else a dye pack?

Tell me now, and I won't shoot you.

I... Ooh!

You said diabetic, right?

Finally, the help we need

a DVD of The Negotiator.

Which chapter should we skip to?

"Meet Danny Ron", "rouble Brewing,"

"Off the Case", "My Baby's in There,"

"Enter Niebaum,""Take the Shot,"

"Sabian's Choice,""Check and Mate,"

"Friends At Last,""Closing Credits"?

Oh, man, oh, man.

What the hell's taking them so long?

They must be getting ready to kill me!

It's no fair.

I shouldn't die.

I just came here to check the date!

Dwight, use your noodle.

If you surrender now,

you're only lookingat a few years in jail.

I'll tell them you're a good guy.

Marge, I can't go back to prison.

I've got no wife, I've got no family.

I've got nothing!

If I give my self up,

will you come visit me in the joint?

Hey, if I can say yes

to Chinese toys that kill kids,

you can say yes to him.

Okay, I'll visit you, Dwight.

Oh, Marge,

I was afraid I was going to lose you!

Now let me help you make your

slow transition back to society.

I just want to go home.

You have a new home now with us.

See ya soon, Marge. Real soon!

Just like you promised!

Sweetheart,what's wrong?