Go On

New York merry tops coming up.

You know who won't be there? Moi.

That is French for "me."

Because I can't run? Yes.

Because I don't support a day where people can just pee

wherever they want? Oh, yes.

But most of all, I think long distance running is lonely.

I can't stand being alone.

In fact, I'm gonna go to Chris in San Diego right now.

Chris, be with me.

I need your take on the chargers' defense now more than ever.

Woo! Taking the look from day to night.

No more "I work in a man's world.

I wanna be taken seriously.

I'm gonna dress like a Russian grandmother."

You know what? This is my first night out

in two weeks, so you're not gonna spoil this for me.

I can't believe Ryan isn't making you stay late.

You guys have had a lot of work lately.

No, he just doesn't want to go home to his empty house,

and so he keeps coming up with lamer and lamer excuses to work late.

Oh, we need to pull clips for the "best of" show.

We should start early, because I've been inordinately "best" this year.

We need to come up with different ways

for me to do our station I.D.

K-bal. K-bal.

K-baaal!

Carrie, could you come in here for a moment?

I'm just kidding. You don't have to come in.

That was pretty funny, though, right?

You know what? You better come in.

And then he gets bored of the work, and he says...

You know what might be fun? You know what might be fun?

You know what might be fun?

And then we have what he thinks is fun.

That's the domino's.

Yes!

Faster, faster, faster...

You know what might be fun?

Movin' into this nursing home has been rough.

Well, let's talk it through.

Just what is it about the nursing home that's bothering you?

I hate old people and I hate sick people.

You know what could make things more fun?

You're blind and black, so why don't you find a friend

who's white and deaf, and then you can be

like Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor...

Stop, stop doing what you're doing.

So can I talk? - Mm - hmm.

My boyfriend Jason's driving me crazy.

Sometimes, he stares at me, and I'm like, "what's with that look?"

And he's like, "it's just my face."

Let's dig a little deeper.

What do you think is the undercurrent of...

No, don't dig deeper. She hates his face.

So, unless he gets a new face, that's kind of a deal breaker.

Well, it would appear that way on the surface, but...

You know what this group's problem is?

We spend all of our time in the huddle talking,

and we never run a play, we never take action.

It's always stasis.

Sonia, what do you wanna do about your boyfriend?

You know what? I wanna dump him.

Do it then! Dump his ass.

Yeah, either break up with him,

or stop talking about it.

Did any of you know I hate my mother?

I haven't been able to bring it up because of all the Jason chatter.

Dump him.

Dump him! Dump him! Dump him! Dump...

Okay, it's getting a little

"villagers coming for Frankenstein" in here.

I'm gonna dump him.

I'm gonna call him tonight.

Tonight? - Why wait?

Do it now. - Yeah.

What does it mean when I light the serenity candle?

That everything fun stops?

Hello, Jason?

I am tired of you, and your food blog,

and your obsession with the plausibility

of living on other planets or at the bottom of the sea.

And you hate his face.

Insult his genitalia.

We hate that.

You tell that low-down dirty fool that the Sonia train

is now, uh, an express, and, uh...

Don't give up, George.

It won't be stopping at the Jason station.

He did it. He was able to do it.

Oh, there it is.

You are broken up with, mister.

Ow! - Yeah!

Wow, I feel like we really got carried away.

Why don't we ask ourselves... - Shh. No more questions.

We want action, and Ryan King is a man of action.

We want action.

We want action!

No more stasis.

No more stasis!

Action. Ah... stasis!

Action! Ah... stasis!

Ryan?

I, um, I know you like to stir up controversy,

but this isn't sports radio, okay?

You can't solve people's problems in 30 seconds.

I kind of just solved Sonia's.

Did you, or did you just help her avoid doing some serious emotional work

within the context of a relationship?

The first one.

Ryan, you're good at your job, but so am I,

and I'm here to tell you your words have consequences.

Ryan?

Hey, that was the most exciting session we've ever had.

Hey, you love sports.

I-I got something you should see.

A real piece of basketball history.

Oh, I'd like to see that.

Well, come by the house, and, uh, bring your friend,

uh, Steven with you. He's a real cool guy.

He is a cool guy. And you know what he likes?

Action.

Action! Action!

Yeah, I'm done with that.

Somebody named Sonia here to see you.

She said she's from your group, and she seems crazy,

so I believe her.

Really? Did you tell her that I was...

Hey, Sonia!

That's fun. What's goin' on?

Nothin'. What's up with you?

Well, I'm working. That's why I'm here... at work.

Yeah. I'm lonely too.

Just keep thinking about Jason.

Now, Sonia, remember how we decided not to dwell on our feelings?

What's better than feeling?

Action? - That's right. Action.

No, no, no. This is the fastest way out.

So you lost your boyfriend. You gotta fill the void.

What else do you enjoy?

Mm, back when I had a cat, I never felt lonely.

I loved taking care of him.

So let's get you a cat. - You think?

Yes! Why are we still talking about this?

Go, get a cat right now, before the cat store closes.

I say "Sonia," you say "cat."

Sonia! Sonia! Cat! Cat!

I say "Ryan," you say "best friend!"

Ryan!

Are you saying it?

Hey, you may wanna get some take-out menus.

I'm afraid we're gonna have to work late again tonight.

Oh, yeah, it's no problem, boss.

Let me just make a quick phone call.

Hi, Sophie.

Yeah, I cannot come meet you at the point tonight.

Yes, I am working late tonight again.

It's just me and my boss.

We're just eatin' out of Styrofoam.

It's a fake phone call, isn't it?

You're not talking to anyone.

You're trying to get a point across by making a fake phone call. Okay, I get it.

Go have fun with Sophie, if she even is a real person.

Hey, you know what might be fun?

Carrie!

Hey! I've made it!

There you are.

I've been lookin' all over for you. - What are you doing here?

Ah, you forgot your hat, and I thought I'd be amazing

and bring it down to you.

Here you go. I'm amazing. - This is not my hat.

Yeah, I know.

And the Kings won the Stanley Cup, so put that on.

There you go-o-o!

Looks great. So...

Hi, I'm Sophie. - Hi.

This is Reina. - Hi, I'm Ryan, Carrie's boss.

I recognized you from your Billboard.

Oh, well, don't be intimidated, uh, by us Billboard people.

We're just like you.

In fact, I was just riding over with the Burger King.

He's a funny guy.

Ryan, hi. - Hey, Jack.

No waiting for you.

How many in your party? - Well, I don't know.

Is it a party of one, or a party of four?

Four. - Definitely four.

Right this way. - Okay, ladies, after you.

Drinks are on me. All right?

Except for you though 'cause we're gonna have to work late.

I'm serious.

George! We're here.

Ryan, hello.

Hey, cuz, how's it hangin'?

Steven, my brother.

What up, blood? Love your crib.

Come in. Sit down.

What?

Does George think you're black?

I think so.