Friends

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi. Yeah, hi. I'm, um, Phoebe Buffay and I have babies coming out.

Okay. Have you started having contractions?

Not yet. Um, I heard they really hurt. Do they?

- Well... - Oh, my God.

Which of you is the father?

None of them are. The father is my brother.

Okay.

I'll miss watching you freak people out like that.

Pheebs...

This is for the babies to look at someday.

Do you want to say anything before it starts?

Okay. Um...

Hi, kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe.

Can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me.

What took you so long?

Your cab left when ours did.

We went back because I forgot my jacket.

You're not wearing one.

Oh, man! I did it again!

Someone has to call Frank and Alice.

My mom might... What are you doing?

I've got to get the before shot.

We spoke to the nurse. The reason your doctor is late...

...is because, uh, she's not coming.

- What? - She hit her head in the shower.

Oh, my God. She's so stupid!

Pheebs, it's going to be okay.

I don't see three kids coming out of your vagina.

Listen. The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.

He's head of the department.

All right. Ooh. Oh, dear God, save me.

I'm having my first contraction.

- Oh, it's not bad. Okay.

And so the miracle of birth begins. And I...

You okay?

Something hurts.

Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Oh, that's so sweet.

I didn't know I cared that much.

- Hello. - Hi.

I'm Dr. Harad. I'll be delivering your babies.

You'll be in good hands. I've been doing this a long time.

I'll be back to do your internal.

Just relax, everything looks great.

And also, I love Fonzie.

Did he just say he loves Fonzie?

That's what it sounded like.

All right.

Hey!

Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right?

No, we haven't started yet. Where's Alice?

Uh, Delaware. Until she gets here, I'll be your coach.

Don't worry. She told me about the LaMazda stuff.

If you get the babies out by month's end...

...you get two percent financing.

Yeah.

Monica, you're going to be very proud of me.

I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.

Oh, my.

They're male nurses.

Heh, heh. Not in my head.

They want to take us out Saturday night. What do you say?

Um...

- I don't think so. - What?

What are you talking about?

You've been telling me to get over Ross and move on.

I'm moving on and so are you.

Why don't you want to go?

Um...

Why don't you give me a good reason...

...and I'll tell you if it's true.

- What? - Harder than it sounds, isn't it?

You're coming. And when they get off...

...we'll go get some Jello with them.

Yep. There's always room for Jello.

How do you make that dirty?

It's easy. I can do it with anything.

Grandma's chicken salad...

Ross!

Get a shot of this.

Hey, babies, these are the headlines when you were born.

Now girl baby, turn away. And boy babies...

...check it out.

This is what naked women looked like when you were born.

Now let's dive into the good stuff.

Okay, I'm having another one.

This one doesn't hurt eith... Ooh, yes, it does! Ow.

Ow, ow, ow!

Ooh.

Ooh, I was kind of hoping that was it.

Where are Monica and Rachel, anyway?

A couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.

Really? Male nurses?

Yeah, I was bummed too.

So they're going on dates?

- When? - I think Saturday.

- What's with him? - Um, sympathy pains.

It was sweet at first, but now I think he's trying to steal my thunder.

Okay.

Let's see what we got here.

Oh, you know, Fonzie dated triplets.

This Fonzie person you keep referring to...

...is that another doctor?

Oh, no, no.

Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli.

The Fonz.

All right.

Soon.

It's not that weird, is it?

It's very weird.

I don't want some guy down there telling me I'm "dilated-a-mundo."

He doesn't seem to be impersonating Fonzie...

What are you doing?

Why are you defending him? Just get me another doctor...

...who isn't crazy and doesn't Fonzie!

- Again, it's not... - Aah! Aah!

Hey, there you are.

Um, there's something you should know.

Is this about you dating the nurse? Joey told me.

I am so fine. You and I, we're just, nothing.

Just goofing around.

Um, I was about to tell you I was getting out of it.

But, um, if we're just "goofing around," maybe I will go out with him.

Fine. Maybe I will too.

Hey! Look what I found in the gift shop...

Oh. Get up! Get up! Get up!

Okay, Pheebs?

This is Dr. Oberman.

He has no strong feelings about Fonzie...

...or any of the Happy Days gang.

You're going into what grade?

I'm actually a first-year resident. I graduated early.

Uh-huh. Me too.

Ross, I should have specified I'd need a grown-up doctor.

Really, I'm fully qualified...

Shh, Doogie. Shh.

Doesn't anybody understand that I'm going to be having babies soon? Huh?

Go, little boy! Go!

Oh, cool. You made him cry!

Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.

Uh, well, what else could it be?

It's kidney stones.

Or...

Kidney stones.

You're getting there.

These babies are very, very lucky.

They are? Why?

They'll be born on the Fonz's half-birthday.

Happy birthday.

Just to clarify.

I'm not Fonzie.

Yeah.

It's a terrific thing that you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.

- I know, it is. - Yeah.

- Can I tell you a secret? - Yeah.

I want to keep one.

Oh, I'm going to be on the news.

You've gotta be kidding.

You know you can't keep one of these babies.

Maybe I can. You don't know.

I do. Frank and Alice will want to keep all their children.

Maybe not. You know?

Three babies are a handful.

Maybe they'll want to unload one.

I hate to miss an opportunity because I didn't ask.

Phoebe, no. This is insane.

Just ask him.

What? Me?

I can't ask him!

Do you know how inappropriate that would be?

All I'm saying is, just talk to Frank.

Just feel him out.

No. I will not ask Frank to give you one of his kids.

You're right.

Tell him it's for you.

Feeling better, sweetie?

Maybe a little.