Dear Dracula

- (CHEERFUL MUSIC) - (BIRD CAWS)

- (WOMAN SCREAMS) - (GRUNTS)

- (GIRL SCREAMS) - Uh?

- (SCREAMING) Dracula's the coolest.

Uh?

- (WOMAN SCREAMS) - (MAN LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Whoa. Didn't see that coming.

Oh! Me neither. Ohh!

Presenting the classic Dracula action figure

with hypnotic, trance-inducing spinning eyes...

You are under my spell.

Ohh!

.. victim-ready spring-loaded fangs

and life-like coffin made from real Transylvanian wood.

- Not made from real wood. - Don't be frightened.

Hypnotic spinning eyes? Spring-loaded fangs?

Oh, I gotta have that.

Grams, Grams, did you see that? Did you?

Without fangs, Sam -

I can't understand a thing you're saying.

- Did you see that? - Oh, I saw it, alright.

That's the creepiest doll I've ever seen.

Doll? Doll... It's not a doll.

It's the greatest, most scariest action figure ever.

It even comes with a life-like coffin.

Oh! That's awfully morbid, if you ask me.

- Well? - Well what, dear?

Can I get one? Can I? Can I? Oh, please.

Oh, no. Christmas is just a few months away.

So why don't you write Santa Claus a nice letter

and ask him for this Dracula doll?

Action figure.

Of course. Action figure.

Hey, Webber.

Christmas is so far away.

But Halloween is just around the corner.

Dear Dracula,

I am your biggest fan.

- (THUNDER ROARS) - (SPOOKY, DRAMATIC MUSIC)

- (GASPS) - (EERIE HOWL)

Oh, yikes!

Mommy. Mommy! (WHIMPERS)

Ohh. Almost there. Almost there. Almost there.

- Boo! - (SCREAMS)

Gotcha!

Ahh! Ohh!

Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Whoa, whoa!

Master, why must you scare me so?

- Mirroe! - (SCREAMS)

Gotcha again!

Enough, Master.

I beg you!

Oh, no! Can't hang on...

Losing grip!

It's a good thing this soft chair was here

to break my fall.

Help me! This chair is alive!

- Mirroe. - (SCREAMS)

No more, Master. You're killing me.

Killing me, I tell you!

Ahh. Ah, you're too kind, Mirroe.

Whatever do you mean, Master?

Ah, what's the use?

I've lost it.

Nobody's scared of Count Dracula anymore.

Bite your tongue, Master.

The mere mention of your name

still makes some people quiver in their boots.

If they're wearing boots, that is.

Whatever their chosen footwear, they quake when they hear...

..Count Dracula!

SOME people - that's the problem, Mirroe.

There was a time when everyone would shudder

when my name was spoken.

But today the younger generation don't find me scary.

Nonsense, Master.

No, it's true!

Today the young ones are more afraid

of faceless goons with chainsaws

than classic monsters such as myself,

the werewolf and the mummy.

I've got to be honest,

I never really found the mummy all that scary.

Still, those were the days, Mirroe.

Of course, Master.

- (TYRES SCREECH) - Huh?

What was that, Mirroe?

Why, it's the mailman, Master.

Ahh! (SNIGGERS)

I am going to scare him good.

Mommy, Mommy... (WHIMPERS)

I'll just wait here until the moment is right.

Easy, Gus, easy. You can do this.

- Oh, gosh. - (DOOR HANDLE SQUEAKS)

Ah! Ooh! Ah!

Greetings.

D-d-delivery...

..for C... C... C...

...Count Dracula.

- Boo! - (SCREAMS)

- Gee! - (TYRES SCREECH)

Ahh! Not exactly as I planned.

But still, I scared him good.

Yes, Master, you certainly did.

And, look, Master, we have mail.

Fan mail.

Ex... cellent!

Just dump it all on the floor, Mirroe, anywhere.

But, Master...

Ahh, I see.

"Dear Dracula..."

Who's it from, Master? Who? Who?

What are you, an owl, Mirroe?

It is from some little boy named Sam.

All the way from America.

Listen to this.

"Dear Dracula,

"My name is Sam

"and I am your biggest fan."

How exciting, Master.

But by 'biggest', does this Sam mean he's a giant

or that he admires you more than anyone else?

After me, of course. (CHUCKLES)

Hush, Mirroe.

Show a little respect when Master is reading his fan mail.

Yes, Master.

Mirroe! (CLEARS THROAT)

Won't happen again.

Whoa... whoa.

- Whoa! - (CRASH!)

Forgive me, Master.

- Mirroe... - (SINISTER ORGAN MUSIC)

...pack your bags.

But, Master, I said sorry.

Please don't fire me.

Pull out my travel coffin and put some fresh dirt in it.

But, wait... Uh, what?

We're going to America to see this Sam.

Oh... Ohh!

Yes, Master!

So, what do you think, Webber?

- (CHITTERS) - Yeah, you're right.

I think it needs a spider web.

Something really cool and scary, OK?

Look, it's that weirdo - Sam.

And he's talking to his pet spider.

- Again. - (GIRLS LAUGH)

Cut it out, Nicole.

- Hey, Sam. - Hi.

Uh, I'm having a Halloween party at my house tonight.

I was wondering if you'd like to come.

Ah... I don't know, I told Grams

I'd help her with the trick-or-treaters.

Well, I hope you can make it.

I mean, it's just across the street.

- (GIGGLES) - OK.

I'll think about it and I'll talk to Grams.

- (RETCHES) - (LAUGHS)

Eugh! What are you doing talking to the bug whisperer?

Seriously, that dude's beyond creepy.

He is not creepy.

He's... different.

Well, maybe you wanna stay here and hang out with Mr Different,

but we're outta here.

- Come on. - Webber, no!

- (GROWLS) - (SCREAMS)

Tarantula!

Not cool, spider dude. Definitely not cool!

That was awesome, little guy.

She totally deserved it.

Listen, tell Sam he should come to my party, OK?

- (CHITTERS) - OK.

See you.

Webber, that was bad.

Very funny. Uh, but bad.

Well, maybe 'bad' is the wrong word.

No, I am not going.

- Sam. - Coming.

So will you work on the web? Remember, cool and scary.

Oh, and happy Halloween, Webber.

Hey, Grams.