Rel

Wayne Booker here on "Blizzard Watch,"

and I'm watching, but, uh, I don't see a blizzard.

It's, uh, it's just cold out here. (CHUCKLES)

You know, uh, I know this parka looks warm, but it ain't.

It just seems like every time it's bad weather,

I get the assignment.

When the Cubs won the World Series,

did they call me? No. No, no, no.

I didn't get to go to the locker room,

have Bill Murray pour champagne on me.

That didn't happen for me. No.

It was Chuck and Cathy, as usual.

But you know something, Chicago, want to know a secret?

Chuck watches porn on his phone during commercial breaks.

Yeah, that's right. And Cathy doesn't vote.

Did you know that obese tickling is a genre of porn?

Guess who does? Chuck! Back to you.

Rel is taped in front of a live studio audience.

Ho, ho! Street Fighter's one of the best

video games of all time.

And I've been playing since the '90s, and, uh, you know, Th

it feel kind of good to introduce it

to another generation, you know, who never really

played it bef... Damn it!

How are you this bad when you've been playing

since before I was born?

I let you win.

I've asked you to not let me win over and over,

and I keep winning. Why?

Whatever. Look, I'm-a go do make my rounds and...

Look, surgery's gonna go fine.

We got some of the best doctors in Chicago.

I just hope they're better at surgery

than you are at Street Fighter.

Well, I'm-a tell you this:

those tumors about to get roundhoused. (CHUCKLES)

All right, you gonna be okay. I'll check on you later.

Okay.

All right, who's ready to lose

in these video games...

Where's Alison?

You didn't hear? She didn't make it.

I'm sorry.

What?

Hmm.

No, that's not what I want.

Ahem!

- Mm... - Ahem!

Damn. Something wrong with your throat?

I just need you to make a snack selection.

Oh, I'm deliberating.

What you mean you deliberating?

Okay, deliberation's supposed to happen

before you put the dollar in.

Once you put that money in there, you select.

You just don't have any vending machine etiquette.

And what's the vending machine etiquette

about standing so close you're basically

inside the person in front of you? Back up.

Dang.

Oh, come on now. Look, look,

just-just let me get my-my snack and I'll get out of here.

I just want to get my Oreos and go.

Ooh, Oreos! That's a good idea.

Ooh. Aw, damn. That was the last pack, my bad.

What?

These are gonna be good.

- Take this off. - Oh, come on now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Okay, what type of monster doesn't eat the cream?

Well, I don't like the cream, so I don't eat the cream.

You are destroying a perfectly alive healthy snack.

Alive?

Okay, I know that didn't make any sense at all,

- but you know what I meant. - No,

but I see what's going on here.

I see what's happening.

Mm.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm!

- Hoo... Mm-mm. - Wait, what are...

What are you doing? I mean, you...

you touching me, but not touching me is...

This got to be a violation of some kind.

Could you please stop?

Damn. I'm getting some bad energy vibes from you,

but you know what? It's okay.

You're in luck 'cause I'm a healer.

What you mean you a healer?

You need to empty and refill.

Your chakras are all out of alignment.

You don't know nothing about no chakras.

What you need is a deep energy cleanse,

and you need it urgently. If you don't,

something bad is gonna happen.

You are gonna lose focus and make a mistake with a patient,

and that stress is gonna cause you great bodily harm.

Okay, you know what I'm-a do

and 'cause my-my shift is almost over?

I'm-a leave, right? And I'm-a meet up with my friends.

And I'm-a tell them about this crazy lady I met at work today.

You're not gonna be able to meet up with your friends tonight.

'Cause this storm

is turning into a blizzard. Yup.

It's feeding off your negative energy.

The storm is you, bruh.

Hey. You're crazy.

Okay, here's-here's the update.

Uh, as you can see, it's, uh,

it's flurries. I mean, wow.

This supposed to be a Blizzard Watch

and all we got is this light-ass snow. (CHUCKLES)

Huh? Are you happy out there?

Watching a brother freeze his ass off?

Is it fun for you? Huh? You sick bastards!

Back to you, Chuck Martinez and Cathy Thompson.

You gonna call me a bastard for being a loyal viewer?

You the bastard, Wayne.

- Hey, you seen Rel? - Nope.

He's supposed to be meeting me here

so I can dump this guy, Kevin. Rel's my breakup coach.

He helps me break up with guys in a way

that they still want to live after the breakup. (CHUCKLES)

Damn! Kevin's here already.

He always early.

That's part of the reason why I don't like him.

Hey, babe.

Hey. (CHUCKLES)

Um, you want to get a table and I'll get the drinks?

Coo-Li-o.

All right, I probably can't wait for Rel

'cause if I have to hear that idiot say "coolio"

one more time...

- Let me help you. - Okay.

How would you want a girl to break up with you?

Oh, skywriting.

Oh, yeah, yeah. (CHUCKLES) She break up with me,

I'll be all sad and everything, but then I'll be like,

"Damn, look at... That's my name in the sky!"

Babe!

I'm going for it right now.

I love breakups. That's good for business for me.

Nothing makes people drink more than falling in or out of love.

Either way, I'm getting paid, baby.

Believe it.

All right, it's done.

Wait. You broke up with him that fast?

Yup. It was quick and painless.

I said, "Look, you wack, stop saying coolio. You done."

Whoo! I'm about to get paid.

Hey, brother, it's time to get you walking. (CHUCKLES)

No.

That's not the right attitude to have.

See, look, if you don't take these steps from time to time,

your legs won't strengthen.

You know the saying, "You got to use it or lose it."

You know what I mean?

You're, uh, you're Mr. Hughes.

You not Mr. Hutchinson.

My bad. (CHUCKLES) Okay, I'm-a just, um,

get on out of here, you know what I mean? (CHUCKLES)

You know, uh, roll on. (CHUCKLES)

- Rel. - Ah, damn!

You okay?

Oh, I just feel like I pulled something,

- but I can ice it when I leave. - Leave?

The storm just upgraded to a blizzard

and the streets are closed. Sorry, but we're stuck.

Wait a minute.

Did I cause this?

Am I the storm?

Hi.

Hey, did you curse me?

I'm serious. Look, look.

I-I pulled my neck and it's all messed up,

and I was rude to a patient.

Now a blizzard has trapped us.

What, you some type of witch or something?

- Turn around. - What you mean turn around?

I don't just let people turn...

- (NECK CRACKS) - Ah!

Better?

It actually is.

Now, you want this deep energy cleanse or not?

I'm afraid to say yes,

but I'm also afraid to say no.

So I guess I'll say, uh, okay?

You're a brave man.

Here. For you.

Uh, you know, I appreciate the gesture and everything,

but, you know, I don't go around here

just taking loose cookies out of people's pockets.

Alright, first step, tell me how you're feeling.

I mean, I don't know. I mean...

I'm usually pretty good with my emotions.

I mean, I cry all the time.

But today...

today wasn't fair.

I lost a patient.

I'm sorry.

She was just a kid.