Significant Mother

Hey, buddy, I think your Stumptown addiction's

getting out of control.

That mug is the size of my head.

I need to stay sharp,

so I can finish prepping for my interview.

The Picky Spoon is a very influential blog.

Oh, honey, it's just an interview.

Come on, it's a blip on the radar.

You know what else is a blip on the radar?

A ship right before some laid-back captain sinks it.

I think you're giving this article

a little too much credit, buddy.

And I don't think you're giving it enough.

Look, I know you haven't had time to pay attention

to anything but each other lately,

but this is a big moment in my career.

Please just try and take it seriously.

Okay, we will take it seriously,

if you take this toast seriously.

Thank you.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad that this interview is tomorrow.

A few more days of this and he'd wind up with an...

Ear infection. I know.

I just wish he'd stop obsessing about his career

so much and start...

Playing nude Twister in the desert.

Wow, that was random yet so specific.

Oh, I'm sorry, my friends keep sending me

these crazy pics from Burning Man.

Oh, my gosh, somebody just spun right boob red.

Wow, that's actually happening.

What's... what's Burning Man?

Oh, it's like this big party

out in the Mojave Desert.

It's like this weeklong drug binge

and dust orgy with sculptures and body paint.

I go every year.

- Why didn't you go this year? - Oh, I don't know.

I just didn't really think it was your scene.

Oh, well, that doesn't mean it can't be your scene.

I'm totally cool with you doing fun, young-people stuff

without me, but I prefer you skip the orgies.

Burning Man without orgies is like toast without bread.

But, you know, I've been there, done that.

- I want to be here doing that. - Are you sure?

I mean, I don't want you to look back on your 20s

and regret missing out on fun stuff because of me.

Hey, I'm not missing out on anything.

I'm right where I want to be,

and we know how to get plenty wild.

In fact, tonight,

I think we should do a 5,000-piece puzzle.

- Sounds pretty wild. - Mm-hmm.

Ooh.

Oh, wow. That does not go there.

I got us a doozy of a puzzle...

Meadow scene, lots of flowers.

Actually, no puzzles tonight.

Tonight we're gonna do something different.

Tonight we're gonna do drugs...

Edible gummy bear drugs.

And there was an arts and crafts store next door,

and I got us some body paints.

What has gotten into you?

I know that you said that you were fine missing Burning Man,

but I saw the way you looked at those pictures.

I don't know, I thought maybe we could do

a drug binge, dust orgy of our own,

minus the dust, of course,

because my allergies are terrible.

You do not have to do drugs for me.

No, it's not just for you. It's for me too.

See, I spent my 20s raising Nate,

so I never got a chance to be irresponsible.

Now's my time, so shut up, paint my boob,

and do legal drugs with me.

Well, it would be my honor to right boob red you,

but we can't tonight.

All right, the blogger's coming tomorrow,

and edibles last, like, six to eight hours.

I had no idea. That's a commitment.

Just because we can't get high tonight doesn't mean

we can't find somewhere to put those paints.

Ooh.

Ooh, gummy bears.

"Restaurateur of Tomorrow is not just a title.

"It's a responsibility,

"which is why I intend to write the next great oeuvre

in Portland's culinary symphony."

Jimmy, come on, I still got a ton of prep

before the blogger gets here.

Just a sec.

"To me, food is like music,

every ingredient a note."

Just doing some man shaping for the big day.

It's manscaping, and if this blogger sees

your pubic hair, you're fired.

It's not for her. It's for me.

Gives me swagger on my dagger.

I am good to go.

Oh, my God!

What? Is it my khaki suit?

I look like Al Roker, don't I?

No, you look great. I-I-I just forgot to, uh...

Pu... ahhh...

Nate ate our drugs!

I'm sorry. What did you say?

Nate ate our drugs.

Are you sure you feel okay, buddy?

Yeah, for the 37th time, yes.

Good, good. That's good.

And you don't feel like listening to Phish

or the Grateful Dead?

Why would I feel like listening to stoner music?

No, no reason. I just thought it might ease your nerves,

you know, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow."

My nerves are fine.

I just need to commit these cards to memory,

so I can ace this interview.

Hey, honey, how are you?

What are you doing here?

Ll, I heard you when you said that you wanted us

to take this more seriously, so I thought I'd just pop by

and see if there's anything you needed.

Well, thank you, but all the effort's a little late.

I just need to focus.

Okay, honey, have fun focusing.

Oh, my God.

My baby's on drugs, and it's all your fault.

Don't blame yourself, okay?

Did you just say it was my fault?

Yes, you are clearly a bad influence on me.

I'm a bad influence?

You're the one who wanted to see

what it felt like to be irresponsible.

Yes, well, now I know,

and it's way less fun than I thought it would be.

Okay, just take a deep breath, okay?

Everything's gonna be fine. This is a blessing in disguise.

I mean, the last time Nate got high...

Nate gets high?

Once in a while.

Actually, just once, a while ago.

I went to visit him in college,

and I've never seen him so cool.

All right, he made out with this super-hot girl

who ended up taking his virginity.

He danced. All right, Nate never dances.

And he learned how to juggle all in one magical night.

Okay, well, I'm really glad that he waited until college

to lose his virginity... He's a good boy...

But we cannot let him do this interview stoned.

- We have to tell him. - You're right.

Besides, just because pot made him cool in college

doesn't mean it's gonna happen again.

Honey, Nate, Jimmy and I...

Don't move. Don't breathe.

Nailed it. See? Told you guys.

All I needed was a little focus.

As cool as gazpacho.

Okay, on second thought,

maybe what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Yeah.

See, I told you everything was gonna be fine.

The Incredible Edible Nate can handle this interview

a lot better than normal Nate.

I mean, look how calm he is.

I didn't know he could draw.

Yeah, pot opens up his right brain.

Okay, if things go off the rails,

we're gonna need a plan B.

Like the pill?

Boss man, blogger just confirmed a reservation,

and chef's tasting menu is set.

"Heirloom tomato gazpacho with microgreens,

"handmade pici carbonara

with heritage raised Red Wattle pork belly."

- - Mm-hmm.

"Wood grilled lamb chops with wild ramps and mint pesto."

I want to eat that.

Well, you can.

I might.

Okay, well,

we're only about ten minutes behind on the schedule

that you texted, emailed, Snapchatted, and faxed me abou...

Shh. Sam, all that stress is gonna stress you out.

Daddy, thank you for investing in my dream.

- You're welcome. - Why didn't you bring a pizza?

You always bring a pizza.

I brought you something much better than pizza.

I brought you motivation.

If this article goes well,

I have an investor who wants to finance a second restaurant.

- Really? - Yeah.

Wait, can we call it "Food. Yeah"?

No, of course not,

but don't get ahead of yourself.

We have to impress this blogger first.

She has over 5 million followers,

but if she likes you, my investor will like you,