The Simpsons

You're watching The Simpsons.

You know your life sucks. Just get drunk like you always do.

Catch all-new episodes Sundays and check out our other Fox programs...

Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Bob's Burgers and Family Guy.

What is this, and how can I make the rest of my life about it?

Only on Fox.

Oh, not again!

D'oh!

Eh, hello?

Bart!

Hell no!

D'oh!

Mmm.

D'oh!

Homer.

Do something.

Quittin' time!

Quittin' time.

Thank God it's Friday.

Thursday.

Same thing. See you Monday.

Marge, baby, I'm out the door.

Are you sure?

Because sometimes people say they're out the door

when they really haven't left yet.

Those people are horrible, horrible liars.

See you soon.

Simpson, not so fast.

Hold up one end of this poster.

Now use it to conceal this.

Excellent.

Now, let me just crank up the plumb bob

to determine the vertical.

With this mechanical marvel,

we'll have this poster level in under three hours.

Ooh, and for a little excitement,

how about a plumb bob song?

Uh...

All right. Um...

Okay.

Maggie's had her bath,

dinner's on the stove. Hmm.

Dare I pop a cork?

Give me a spin, Marge.

You're so deft.

Not like... him.

Mom. Mom!

My costume for the science play is all wrong!

You said you were a seahorse.

A male seahorse.

With a pouch.

Males have pouches?

Male seahorse's nurturing is one of the wonders of the world.

You said you read the script.

Bart gave me a synopsis.

I...

Oh, boy.

Oh, now what?

Eat your carrot and pea medley.

Mom, I'll clean that up for you.

Oh, thank God, some help.

Where's the mop? In the mop closet.

Where's the bucket? Under the mop.

Other closet.

There's stuff in front of it.

Let me help.

Ay, caramba!

Hey, there's wood underneath this linoleum.

Oh! Just go play outside.

Outside? Your loss.

I do not get what kids see in these places.

It's the genie of the sub.

Genie? I wish.

You get a lamp and a carpet,

which is more than I've got in here.

Hmm, didn't know this place was filled with such losers.

Hey, Martin.

Bartholomew!

This playground has safely stimulated my imagination.

What the hell are you talking about?

Martin.

Who's your new friend?

Mother, don't blow this for me.

Fine, I'll just go sit and talk to his mother.

Where is she?

I'm here by myself.

But I have a safety number.

Moe's Tavern.

Homer ain't here.

And for once, that's the truth.

Simpson, are you here unsupervised?

Yeah. And so what?

I'd lose the attitude, "Sylvester Alone."

Finally, a laugh out of Lou.

Son, kids aren't allowed on their own anymore.

Now, who said you could come here?

My mom.

Ugh. Always the mom.

She's got needles.

What did Bart do now?

I was playing nicely in the park.

Bart, how could you... What?

Your children need to be supervised.

Take her away, boys.

If you take me away, then who's gonna watch my kids?

You should've thought of that

before we showed up unannounced.

What, Marge?

You're being arrested?

I'm afraid so, Mr. Simpson.

A mother at the park saw something she disapproved of.

And luckily for your son, she overreacted.

I, uh... I get carsick in the front.

Our top story, a Springfield mother

has been arrested for an outrageous "negligée."

The...

Sorry, I'm being told it's negligence.

Which is very boring.

Judge, I don't understand.

When I was a kid, we used to go out and play

and not come home until dark.

I see.

Bailiff, incarcerate Marge Simpsons' mother.

Thanks for ratting me out, Marge.

With all due respect, Judge,

this is wackadoodle.

Nobody cares about their kids more than I do.

Liar.

Marge is right, Your Honor.

My e-mail password is "bad dad."

Yeah, Judge.

If you want to know who should be in jail,

he weighs 240 and smells like onions.

It is not within the purview of this court

to determine how fat and smelly your father may be.

Woo-hoo!

Mrs. Simpsons, 90 days.

This is Kafkaesque.

Kafkaesque!

I've got my eye on you.

Now it's Orwellian.

Hey, kitties.

You got a new ball of yarn.

Oh, that guard is awfully slammy.

Newbies on top.

Oh. Where's the ladder?

Have you been claimed yet?

Claimed?

By one of the book clubs.

Yeah, we read a little, dig a little,

read a little, dig a little,

kiss a little, dig a little.

Homer, I think you're supposed to cook sausage.

What's the point?

Well, hi there, Homer.

I know a time like this is when a man really needs his neighbor.

Yeah, well, thanks for the check-in.

Well, this is more than a check-in.

It's a chance to do good for us boys in the hood!

Just call us NWA,

"Neighbors With Appetizers."

Wow, wow.

I really am the richest man in town.

Not rich in money,

but in what really matters: pity.

And what happened to Marge is a wake up call for us all.

There's no greater crime than half-assed parenting.

Kirk, where's Milhouse?

On the leash, baby. On the leash.

He's too far.

Retract. Retract!

Whoa! Why'd you pull me back?

Some new kids were just about to give me a chance.

Don't try anything new, son.

I could've married a woman who didn't look exactly like me.

But that would've been crazy.

Hey, newbie.

Nobody touches the new James Patterson

until Solar reads it first.

She wants you to pick it up.

You scared, huh?

Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

Anybody else want a taste of Blue Thunder?

Uh, I do. Yeah.

Now, if you ladies recall what this place

is supposed to be for...

Mm... Mm... Smokin' weed?

Reading!

Dad, if this is what they send when Mom goes to jail,

just imagine what happens when you kick the bucket.

Oh, man, that's gonna be so awesome.

Dad, Dad! You're eating a teddy bear!

That's my stomach's problem.

Okay, Homer, I just changed all the linens,

diapered the dog for modesty,

and replaced the batteries in the smoke detectors,

which were all bad.

One was just a candy dish with a red light painted on.

Was there any candy in it?

There is now.