The Locusts

WE WAS NAKED AS A COUPLE OF JAYBIRDS,

AND THEN KITTY'S MOM PULLS UP.

WE WERE NOT.

OH, THAT'S-- THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY.

I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS NAKED,

AND YOU JUST HAD YOUR SKIRT

PULLED UP TO YOUR GODDAMN NECK.

HEY, JOEL, FOR... FOR CHRISSAKE, HUH?

JOEL? CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

THANK YOU.

A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR IS MORE LIKE IT.

GOD, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP--

OH, MY GOD! OH, ARE YOU HURT?

YOU OUGHTN'T TO BE THROWING THINGS, KITTY.

I AM--I'M SO SORRY.

UM, CAN I--CAN I-I GET YOU A BEER?

ANOTHER ONE?

HARLAN, A BEER. WELL, YOU CAN MAKE IT 2.

HAVE A SEAT.

WATCH OUT FOR THE GLASS!

THANKS, HARLAN.

SHOULDN'T BE STANDING IN THE WAY THERE, SON.

JOEL, SHUT UP.

IT WAS YOUR FAULT, ANYWAY.

DON'T MIND HIM. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY MANNERS.

BY THE WAY, MY NAME'S KITTY.

AND THIS IS PATSY AND EARL.

HI.

HEY, SHIT FOR BRAINS!

WHY DON'T YOU MOVE AWAY FROM MY GIRL?

JOEL, KNOCK IT OFF.

ARE YOU WITH BUFFALO BOB?

AAH!

HEY, HEY!

ALL RIGHT. HEY, HEY!

COME ON, YOU'RE DONE, CHAMP. LET'S GO.

DON'T MIND US.

I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR NAME.

NO.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO MOVE ALONG NOW.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.

JOEL'S A PANIC WHEN HE GETS DRUNK.

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW OF ANY WORK AROUND HERE OR ANYTHING, WOULD YOU?

NO.

WELL, IT WAS A LONG SHOT, I GUESS.

THANKS AGAIN, GUYS.

WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM?

SAINT JOE.

BROKE, HUH?

WELL, NO, NOT EXACTLY. I...I HAVE $7 IN MY POCKET.

WHERE ARE YOU HEADED?

CALIFORNIA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN SEALY?

WELL, I THOUGHT I'D DROP IN ON MY AUNT EM AND MY UNCLE HENRY.

YOU SEE, THEY LIVE JUST UP THE ROAD A PIECE.

IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE SPENT ANY TIME.

I DON'T GET IT.

OH, IT'S A JOKE, HONEY.

YOU KNOW, A REGIONAL- TYPE...GIVEN-THE-AREA JOKE.

NO. I-I DON'T GET HOW YOU PLAN

ON MAKING IT TO CALIFORNIA ON $7.

WELL, I THOUGHT I WOULD USE THIS

AND THEN SOME BETTER JOKES...

AND THEN, CALIFORNIA, HERE I COME.

WELL, UH, ANYWAY, EARL AND, AH, PATSY...

IT WAS VERY NICE MEETING YOU GUYS.

GOOD LUCK.

THANKS.

AHEM.

WELL, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING AT THE ASHFORD PLACE.

WHAT'S THE ASHFORDS?

FEEDLOT WHERE I WORK.

WHERE JUST ABOUT EVERY GUY IN TOWN WORKS.

THINK THEY'LL HIRE ME?

I NEVER WORKED WITH COWS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

OH, I-I THINK SHE'LL PROBABLY HIRE YOU.

WHO'S "SHE"?

MRS. DELILAH ASHFORD POTTS.

SHE OWNS THE PLACE.

WELL, THE BEST PART IS,

THERE'S AN EMPTY CARRIAGE HOUSE YOU CAN PROBABLY STAY IN.

I MEAN, WELL, NOBODY'S LIVING THERE NOW, IS THERE, EARL?

NOBODY SINCE CALVIN. YEAH.

WHO'S CALVIN?

A RANCH HAND.

HE MOVED INTO THE CARRIAGE HOUSE AFTER MR. POTTS DIED.

NO. NO. YOU MEAN AFTER FLYBOY WAS GONE.

WHO'S FLYBOY?

OH, HER SON.

WELL, HE JUST GOT BACK FROM THE STATE INSTITUTION LAST CHRISTMAS AFTER--

WELL, HOW LONG WAS HE THERE, EARL?

8 YEARS, I'D GUESS.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL HAVE THAT SMOKE NOW, ACTUALLY.

YOU REALLY THINK SHE'LL HIRE ME?

LET ME STAY THERE AND ALL?

IF I KNOW HER, SHE'LL GIVE YOU A ROOM, A JOB,

AND A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN YOU NEVER BARGAINED FOR.

SHE LOVES CITY BOYS.

EATS THEM FOR BREAKFAST.

JESUS, WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

FEEDLOT'S GOT A POWERFUL AROMA.

SEEPS INTO YOUR SKIN AFTER A WHILE.

WHAT IS IT, EARL?

SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, MRS. POTTS, BUT, UH...

I GOT A FELLOW HERE WHO HAS A QUESTION FOR YOU.

WELL?

HELLO.

YES, WHAT IS IT?

WELL, I WAS LOOKING FOR A JOB AND, UH...

A PLACE TO STAY,

AND EARL HERE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP ME OUT WITH BOTH.

YOU EVER WORK ON A FEEDLOT?

NO, ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T EVER WORKED ON A...

FEEDLOT BEFORE.

YOU EVER WORK WITH CATTLE IN ANY CAPACITY?

NO.

THEN WHY WOULD I WANT TO HIRE YOU?

LOOK, EARL SAID THAT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO USE AN EXTRA HAND,

BUT IF THAT'S NOT THE CASE, THEN I GUESS--

IS THAT THE CASE, EARL? DO WE NEED AN EXTRA HAND?

WELL, MA'AM, WE COULD USE THE HELP,

THIS BEING THE HEAVY SEASON,

BUT...IT ISN'T ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

WELL, THEN, IS THIS MR., UH...

HEWITT.

HEWITT...THE MAN FOR THE JOB?

WELL, MA'AM, HE APPEARS STRONG ENOUGH.

WHERE DO YOU COME FROM, MR. HEWITT?

SAINT JOE.

YES. WELL, THE, UH... CARRIAGE HOUSE IS UNLOCKED.

EVERYTHING SHOULD BE IN ORDER.

THE LAST TENANT WAS VERY...TIDY.

WE'LL DISCUSS CONDITIONS AND DURATION OF YOUR STAY TOMORROW.

NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE, GENTLEMEN?

IT'S...RATHER LATE.

NO, MA'AM.

THANK YOU.

MR. HEWITT?

BREAKFAST 00.

GUESS SHE RECOGNIZES A GOOD MAN WHEN SHE SEES ONE, HUH?

SHE'S JUST GOT YOU FIGURED FOR A BULL, THAT'S ALL.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO BULLS ON A FEEDLOT?

WHAT'S THAT?

HA HA!

THE CARRIAGE HOUSE IS THERE. GET SOME SLEEP.

YOU'RE GONNA BE WORKING LIKE A COUNTRY BOY TOMORROW.

THANKS AGAIN, EARL, FOR EVERYTHING. I APPRECIATE IT.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, I FIGURED I'D DO SOME CATTLE RANCHING.

WHAT PART OF ST. JOSEPH ARE YOU FROM?

WELL, MA'AM, I COULD-- I COULD TELL YOU,

BUT I'M--I'M SURE YOU, AH, SURE YOU DON'T KNOW IT.

WE'RE NOT RANCHERS.

I OWN A FEEDLOT.

THANK YOU.

THAT YOUR SON?

THOUGH I'M NOT ENTIRELY CLEAR

AS TO YOUR BACKGROUND, MR. HEWITT,

I AM CERTAIN THAT YOU WERE NOT RAISED TO SPEAK WHILE OTHERS ARE EATING.

'MORNING.

'MORNING, EARL.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

THANKS.

GUESS ME AND YOU GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT LAST NIGHT.

YOU'RE STILL HERE.