Roald Dahl's The Witches

All right, then.

Where were we?

Oh, yeah, that's right. Now I remember.

"A note about witches."

See, here's the thing about them.

They're real!

Witches are as real as a rock in your shoe.

That's the first thing you need to know.

The second thing you need to know,

they're here!

And they live amongst us...

side by side, with humans.

In every big city, in every small town.

For all you know,

a witch might be living right next door to you right now.

They everywhere!

A witch might be a nurse,

or your teacher,

and you can bet your sweet patootie

that friendly, little old lady on the bus

offering you a delicious piece of salt water taffy

is a witch.

And here's the most important thing.

The most important thing.

Witches hate children!

A witch spends all her time

thinking up ways to destroy children.

That's all she thinks about.

"How will I squish this horrible child?"

A witch gets the same pleasure from squishing a child

as you get from eating a bowl of ice cream

covered in butterscotch syrup,

with whipped cream,

chopped nuts,

and a cherry on top.

My story begins during the last month of 1968.

Believe it or not, I was once a young boy.

A boy with a mother and a father.

We lived in Chicago.

And it snows a lot at Christmastime.

Tricky thing with snow is, it's slippery.

Take the front! This way!

Mom?

I was wearing my seat belt.

Dad?

Mom!

Mama and Daddy weren't.

Mama! Dad!

Mommy! Dad!

Let's get you out of here.

It was during my eighth Christmas

that I lost my mother and father.

My dear child...

Grandma.

Grandma's here.

Aw, you gonna be all right.

Here, let me look at you.

Mmm.

I'mma get you out of here.

I packed your things, I'm gonna take you home.

Home? To my house?

No, darling.

Home to my house.

Need any help

bringing these bags inside, sister?

Oh, no, thank you, Reginald.

You've done enough already.

Running into you at the bus station

was a godsend.

I'm much obliged.

I'll see you in church come Sunday?

Oh, you know you will.

Pleasure to make your acquaintance, young man.

Welcome to Demopolis.

- Thank you, Reggie. - Sister.

Wait.

Take them shoes off before you walk on my good rug.

Grandma was my mama's mama.

A tough lady with a big heart.

The kind that wouldn't hesitate

to give a spanking if you deserve it

or a big ol' hug if you needed it.

I reckon...

you'll be comfy here.

In your mama's old room.

We'll get you situated tomorrow.

I'm gonna make some hot chocolate.

Want some?

I'm gonna make some anyway,

in case you change your mind.

High tomorrow, 73.

Young man, what is wrong with you?

Sitting in here all by your lonesome.

It's nice out.

You want something to eat?

I just fried some wings.

Nobody turns down my wings. I'm gonna make you a plate.

Now if you Feel that you can't go on.

Is gone.

With much confusion.

Is just an illusion.

Is tumblin' down.

Come on, baby. Come on.

That will shelter you.

Mmm!

What you waiting for?

Don't feel like eating.

And I don't feel like wasting all this good food.

What, you think I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?

Well, I don't.

Do I feel bad?

Yeah.

But not sorry.

Sometimes, whatever the good Lord needs to teach us

comes in ways we don't see.

But it doesn't mean

we're not supposed to learn something.

Look here.

This was my baby.

I'd do anything for her to be here right now.

But the Man Above had another plan for her.

And whether it seems fair to me or not,

it doesn't matter.

Sometimes life isn't fair.

It's a hard lesson for folks to learn

and most people don't have to learn it this young.

But you do.

You hear me?

Come on now, baby, you got to eat something.

You like cake?

Well, corn bread is basically cake.

Mmm-hmm.

Go on. Try it.

What's his name?

It's a she.

Her name is something you can ponder.

Have you come up with a name for your mouse yet?

Uh-huh.

Well, tell me.

Don't be keeping me in suspense.

Aisy.

Lazy?

Well, that mouse is full of nothing but energy.

She runs all the time in that wheel.

Not "lazy."

Daisy.

"Daisy." Oh.

I like it.

That's a perfect name for her.

Close your eyes, honey.

It's your thing Do what you wanna do.

Who to sock it to.

Who to sock it to.

And somehow, she did it.

Little by little,

with a tug here and a pull there,

she brought me out of my sadness.

But even though my own darkness

was being lifted,

there was another dark shadow looming nearby.

Very nearby.

I didn't know it,

but I was about to meet my first witch.

Raymond.

Raymond.

You call these fresh?

But we just got them in.

When? Last year?

Look at how yellow they are.

And those brown spots around the edges.

I'm not gonna waste good bacon drippings

on these shriveled-up weeds.

Can you get me some fresh greens

if you don't mind?

Yes, ma'am.

I'll see what we have in the back.

You do that.

Grandma, can I get these nails to make Daisy a house?

Hmm.

Well, these aren't galvanized.

You have to use galvanized nails

so they won't rust.

But galvanized costs .35 cents more.

Safety first.

Yes, ma'am.

You cut yourself on a rusty nail,

you can get lockjaw.

Yes, ma'am.

And then I'd have to flush out your system

with liver oil, garlic juice, Tabasco sauce.

You wouldn't want to go through that now, would you?

No, ma'am.

Good. Remember, safety first.

Grandma knew how to fix all kinds of ailments.

She learned from her grandma how to use herbs and potions

and strange incantations

to make sick people good as new.

Here in Alabama, where she grew up,

Grandma was known as a healer.

Galvanized.