Honey Don't!

(audiobook playing indistinctly over speaker)

: Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me...

...in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil.

My cup overflows.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me...

(audiobook continues playing indistinctly)

: Your rod and your staff,

-they comfort me. -(footsteps receding)

("We Gotta Get Out of This Place" by Brittany Howard plays)

Hello?

Where?

Okay.

Yeah. Okay.

That was amazing.

Yeah, it was.

I got to go out.

Door will lock behind you.

(indistinct police radio chatter)

Well, well.

Honey O'Donahue.

To what do we owe the honor?

Is this girl a client?

Medical examiner's on his way out.

He's gonna render opinion is she dead or not.

Uh, tell me what you think.

No.

Not dead?

Pretty fucked-up, though.

-Not a client. -Ah.

So, uh, what are you here at a traffic fatality?

What are you?

What do I what?

Homicide detective at a traffic fatality-- how come?

Well, I'll tell you if you tell me something.

Shoot.

Well, uh, you're unattached.

Uh, why won't you see me socially?

This is social.

She's not a client.

And, Marty...

I like girls.

Eh, you always say that.

Mr. Siegfried doesn't have an appointment.

He's wondering if he could have a brief interview right now.

Yeah, sure.

And you can cancel tomorrow's appointment

with Mia Novotny.

Should I charge her for the canceled appointment?

She didn't cancel. She withdrew.

Tell you later.

Come on in, Mr. Siegfried.

COVID.

Okay.

It's still around.

I think my boyfriend is seeing someone.

I'm sure he is.

How do you know?

Nobody ever comes in here saying that

when everything's okay.

Want my opinion?

I'm a private investigator, but on a first interview,

I do advice for the lovelorn, and it's free.

Either ignore the affair or bring it up

with your boyfriend in a nonhostile way.

Wine and flowers, honest discussion.

Honest about each other's needs, desires, so forth.

The one thing you don't want to do is

pay me a hundred bucks an hour to learn something

we both already know.

No, I have to know.

I'm saying you do know.

I need to know specifics: who, where, when.

I need to be able to rub it in his face.

Rub it in his lying bastard face.

Honey, Honey, Honey, Honey, Honey!

Hello, Dizzy.

Hi, Honey. You want some mac and cheese?

Already had lunch.

This is dinner.

I'm fine. I brought some grapefruits.

Oh, thanks, but the kids won't eat 'em.

They won't eat anything that isn't yellow.

-They're yellow. What the fuck?

The outside is yellow. -(door slams)

Honey, will you marry me?

I can't marry you, Dizzy.

-You're not old enough. -Where's my charger?

Well, when I'm older, will you marry me?

Not even then. There's a law against it.

What's the law?

People can't marry their aunts.

That's bullshit! Why?

'Cause our kids would be your sons and daughters,

but they'd also be your nephews and nieces,

and it gets too confusing.

I could keep track of it.

But we can't break the law.

We can hide.

We can go live in the forest.

There isn't any forest.

Not a strip of shade between here and Bakersfield.

Don't talk down where he lives.

I'm not. I'm just saying there's no trees.

Heidi, do you ever feed them fresh fruit?

I feed them what they'll eat.

Parenting is not rocket science.

I'll eat it, Honey.

Let me peel it for you.

-Yes. Sorry. -You take my charger, you snotsnivel?

Nobody should tell you how to parent.

Don't call your brother that.

And say hello to your aunt.

-My aunt? She meant "ant."

Shut up, snotsnivel.

-Are you a mind reader? -Everyone, shut up.

I'm trying to sleep.

If you came home before 3:00 in the morning,

-you could sleep at night. You didn't.

-Mom, what is this? -Say hello to Honey.

You didn't wash the sheets!

-I didn't have time. -Mom.

Oh, God! Blood, blood, blood!

-I didn't have time. Oh, my God.

-You can wash them. Me?

Yes, you, Corinne.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What happened to Corinne?

She's menstruating, ding-dong.

It's just a condition.

A condition? Oh, my God! -(Corinne scoffs)

It's fine. Dizzy, every woman menstruates.

Oh, my God. You don't menstruate, do you, Honey?

They excited about their new brother?

They don't even notice the siblings they already have.

-And you want another one? -(horn honks)

Don't tell me how to parent.

If you think this buys you the right...

-It's just to help. -(horn honks)

Corinne!

I'm not telling you how to parent.

I'm asking you how many you're gonna parent.

Thank you, Nini.

Home by midnight.