Family Business

HAZAN KOSHER MEATS

-Ali, what the fuck! -Bro, we're getting smashed back here.

Sorry, but if you hadn't been late, we'd have taken my Uber for a smooth ride.

It's my father's fault! He made me do a delivery across town.

He knew about the meeting. He sabotages me--

Forget Dad, Joseph! We'll be on time. Relax, okay?

Can we rehearse one more time?

It needs to be spontaneous. You know what to say. Trust yourself.

"Sweetch is three words..."

Fuck, dude! You're hurting me.

Jeez, come on.

I'm not sure about the suit.

Trust me. I make suits all year long.

I swear you'll impress them.

It's over the top, bro.

Are you crazy?

Why do you always give me the weird suit?

-You're classy and I look like shit. -Are you nuts? You've got style.

It has pagoda shoulders, a notched lapel.

-It's fitted to... -Yeah, right. Shut up.

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

BÉNÉDICTE HAZAN BORN ROZENBERG

It's been tough.

Since you left...

The butcher shop...

The children... It's complicated.

It's complicated.

Here.

I'll put this here.

If you could help me...

Give me a sign, my love.

Mr. CEO!

-If you wouldn't mind, sir. -Thanks, bro.

-Looking good. -Really?

How do I look?

-Like a mensch. -An ugly one?

-No, but lose the shoes, though. -Crap.

Okay.

Last time I wear those pieces of shit.

-Here. -Thanks.

It's my developer. Where are you?

Seriously?

-Seriously? -I'm here.

I jeopardize my license and you dress him like that?

Look at him, it's even worse than his bar mitzvah suit.

What do you know about fashion? Uber driver.

That dick is ditching me.

-Are you kidding? -No.

Fabiano says he won't come, he says...

After six months, he ditches at the last minute.

Whatever, we don't give a fuck.

We do give a fuck, he's the tech guy.

I can't go in without him, forget it.

We're getting into the technical part. I don't want to bore you--

Excuse me, but that part is essential to us.

We'd like to hear from your developer.

Right. Hello, everyone. Mark Zuckerberg, nice to meet you.

Excuse me?

Nice to meet you.

-Mark who? -Yeah, right.

Mark Zuckernberg.

People get us mixed up, but we're acquainted--

Okay, right, stop it.

I concocted the app in...

JavaScript.

Right, I concocted the app in JavaScript for maximum fluidity--

In JavaScript?

Not in Python?

But Python is today's standard.

Well, I'm going to be honest.

I don't like snakes. They scare the shit out of me.

I skipped a ton of vacations because I was afraid of snakes.

Stop it.

Let's get to the point.

I am very proud to present you this little miracle:

Sweetch.

Sweetch will help you convince your correspondent

that you have no signal.

A kind of "tunnel effect" if you will,

available on your phone at any time.

Not too shabby, huh?

Okay, here's a simulation.

"Hey, baby. Am I going to see you tonight? I need to know.

You can't leave me hanging like that. You are a pain in the ass, you scumbag."

"Sorry, honey, I'm a little tied up.

Hold on, I'm about to enter a tunnel."

The word "tunnel" will activate the Sweetch application,

and here's what the person will hear.

Uh... Listen, honey... I think...

...something like that...

I really suck at this, but the app is awesome.

Thank you, sir.

-No. -No, Mr. Hazan, thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Hazan.

We got the idea. Unfortunately, we're going to pass.

There you go.

All right, all right, I'll pay.

...my dad. Give me what you owe me by the end of the week.

-Your dad's been my supplier for 30 years. -Or we call it quits.

-Hi, Waldman. -Hi.

Do you know what time it is?

Where were you?

Your sister shouldn't unload the truck alone.

I'm stuck with my arthritis.

I don't mind, Dad.

Well, I do, honey.

You know where I was, Dad.

-I had a meeting. -Really?

Hence the HVAC salesman outfit, right?

Put on your protective shoes when you're here.

He just came in, come on!

How did it go?

A disaster.

Hey, Bubbeleh.

How did it go?

Why are you even asking? Can't you see his face?

Of course, he failed with his "tunnel" app.

When you don't want to talk, you hang up.

Did I ask you anything?

No, so, mind your own sausages.

How many times does he have to fail?

He has an amazing trade.

Why persist with this bullshit?

Can't you lay off him? Don't you see he's upset?

He's been upset for 35 years.

I'm yelling to snap him out of it.

You realize it's not working?

I hope you'll find me a smarter cookie,

because your brother...

This meeting being exactly one year after my mother's death

seemed like a sign.

I thought planets were aligned, it was going to work.

I would move on from the shop.

-Baby. -No. I'm okay.

Don't worry.

Fuck! Fuck!

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm really sorry.

I thought that Uber was your brother, with his curls.

-You sit down now! -Sorry.

-Sit. -Sorry.

I have a hearing and I stink.

It's horrible. I'm sorry, sir, it's everywhere.

Stop it!

Sit down. We are telling my family. Now!

Yes, we are telling them everything.

I'll talk to Ali.

It's been a year. What's the holdup?

It's complicated, you're his little sister.

When we met, you were yea big. I made you jump on my lap. Now--

Now you fuck me.

-Come on, I didn't mean that. -What?

-Own it. -Yes.

But the point is, I love you.

That's what I meant.

And I can't stop telling gross stories to your brother.

Why gross?

It's just...

I tell him gross stories about the chicks I'm supposed to screw.

Like what?

Last time I said...

I found...

tomato skin on the condom.

-You're gross. Why do you do that? -No idea.

I don't know why.

It's even more complicated to tell him I'm dating his little sister

because he can't unsee that stuff now.

You'd rather pass for a disgusting slob than fess up?

-Yes. -Yes?

Yes.

No, I--

-I can tell him, no problem. -No.

I should tell him, he's my bro.

Well, your brother. Fuck, my buddy. You see how complicated it is.

And then there's your parents.

And since your other brother is in jail--

I haven't talked to him in three years. Start by telling Ali.

Babe, if you don't mind, I finished my noodles, I'll take one.

Here. This one's beautiful.

Dipped in a little sauce...

-Delicious. -Yeah?

My love.

With all the sneakers I'll bring to Japan, I calculate

if you sell all the pairs at the market price

it's worth almost €40,000.

It's going to be great for the store.

And tell me,

how much do you think...

this pair is worth?

A lot.

This one is priceless. I can't wait to be with you.

I'm fed up with my family.

I feel like I'm carrying everybody on my shoulders.

How are things going with your Dad?

He pretends he doesn't understand I'm gonna leave, but...

you know, it's gonna be okay. I'm sure.

You will love Tokyo.

I love you. I miss you.

-I have to go, I'll call you later? -Okay.

-Kisses. -Kisses.