Peacemaker

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - (KEITH SMITH LAUGHING)

I wanna make a toast to my goofball son, Chrisper.

- You've had some hard times... Hmm.

...but you came out the other side a better man.

Yeah.

And lucky for us,

you realized that this gorgeous little lady here

is about the best thing that ever happened to him.

Hear fucking hear!

- Yeah. - Here, then.

Such wise words, August.

Mm. - Yep.

You can ask. We'll go with you.

I'm nervous.

- Please. - Please, please, please, please.

Come on, let's go. - (SOFTLY) Oh boy.

- Come on, come on. Go. - So uncool.

Mr. Blue Dragon,

uh, can we get a photo with all you guys?

Absolutely, kids. Gather around.

Blue Dragon loves taking selfies.

Except he's terrible at it.

If you want pictures of your foreheads,

- let him take it. - Can you believe that?

That's my own son talking to me like that.

You're giving him way too much respect.

Look, it's a horrible photo.

Can you put me in the picture?

- Yeah, that's a little much. - Emilia, can you save the day?

All right, all right. I'll take it.

She's a professional selfie person.

All right, get in here. Get in here.

- Here we go. - All right. You ready?

Everybody say, "Top Trio."

Top Trio!

You sure this is our best option?

ARGUS doesn't know Vigilante's secret identity,

so if we connect from here, they won't find it.

Hey, just so you guys know,

- my mom can be a total be-atch. - Is she going to rat us out?

No.

Well, then we don't have another choice.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

You can have your whole career back

if you just turn that silver container into ARGUS.

All you've talked about for months

is getting your job back.

Then we better do it before I change my mind.

John, are you in?

No, I'm not in.

I'm just incredibly susceptible to peer pressure.

- Adrian! - Hi, Mom.

We're going to my secret room. You're not allowed to follow.

Hi, Mrs. Chase. I'm Lee, Adrian's friend.

- His friend? - (LAUGHS) Uh-huh.

Oh, Adrian doesn't bring his friends around very often.

Not since the D&D group broke up.

- Oh. - He didn't have enough players,

So I became a 40th level cutpurse.

Jesus, Mom,

what part of "You're not allowed to follow,"

don't you understand?

Oh, I'm sorry, Adrian. I'm so sorry.

If you're sorry, why are you still coming?

Jesus, fuck.

Anyone else here have a mom who's a fucking tick

on your dick all the time?

- You must be John. - Uh-huh.

Jesus! - You're not that dorky.

And don't tell me. This is Hardcore?

- Shut up, Mom! - Harcourt, not Hardcore.

- Oh, I thought it was Har... - You're not alone, but no.

Mom, we're going into my secret room now,

so do you mind? Scoot.

Oh, of course. Of course. I'm sorry.

And I am so sorry if Adrian hurt you.

- Mom, shut up! - Excuse me?

I was just so excited that he had a girlfriend.

- Mom, shut up! Shut up. - Girlfriend?

I don't think that being too slutty

- is any reason to break up. Mom, stop!

Mom, would you please fuck off?

- Go. Mom! - I told Adrian...

Stop! - ...it's a new era.

People have the pornography on their phone now.

Please fuck off!

- They can't help but be slutty. Just zip it.

It's up to a mature man

- to teach his partner... - Oh my God.

...about how making love can be a way to connect.

Oh my God. - Yeah.

You're hurting my brain. Stop! Stop!

I'm sorry.

I guess these lovers' quarrels are none of my beeswax.

I'll see you all when you come upstairs.

I'll make sammiches!

Oh, she's great.

Yeah, that was so weird. She has dementia.

I think she was confusing you with my other girlfriend.

Weird. Yeah.

Also, sometimes I have to say stuff

to hide that I'm out doing superhero stuff.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, like I'm slutty?

Well, yeah, I have to base it in some truth.

Wow.

Holy hell. What in the fuck is this?

Well, you know, if I bust up a drug ring

or whatever, I just take everything

- and I put it here. - Why?

Because if I give it to the cops,

there's a good chance they're corrupt

and they could steal it. Or worse, use it themselves.

Dude, there has to be, like, millions of dollars here.

Adrian, just last week you told me you were broke

and asked me to pay for your breakfast.

Well, I'm not gonna use this, man. (CHUCKLES) No way.

It's blood money, you crazy?

Yeah, man, you don't want to deal with blood money,

and that shit goes to the grave with you.

Trust me.

...the chances are I'll meet another me in there?

Uh, prob... probably not too likely.

But... But, um, we should try to avoid shit like that

just in case we cause a dimensional disturbance

- and explode or something. - It might be worth it, though.

How about this?

That should work.

Okay, but just be careful.

That's my Beanie Baby collection.

I'm pretty sure the market is about to bounce back

and they're gonna be worth a shitload.

- (CASE POWERS UP, BEEPS) - What's with all the ostriches?

Stretch? He's the cutest of them all.

Okay, I think you do this.

Okay, everybody move back a little.

Move back? How far back?

Just go all the way to the wall.

- (CASE WHIRRING LOUDLY) - Goddammit.

This is fucked.

We are fucked, man. We are insane.

Yeah, I know.

And...

- (CASE WHIRRING RAPIDLY) - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Is this what it's supposed to do?

- (ELECTRICITY BUZZING) - (ADEBAYO GROANS)

- (GROANS) - (ECONOMOS SIGHS)

- (COUGHS) - Oh, what the fuck!

I have fucking cocaine all over me!

Fuck, Adrian!

Why can't you fucking flush your drugs down the toilet

like a normal person?

Because of the alligators

in the sewer system, you callous piece of shit.

What? - Oh my God.

As if the addiction epidemic

facing the country isn't bad enough,

he also wants the alligators in the sewers to be junkies.

- You're a moron. What the fuck

does that have to do with alligators?

does anyone want to quiz me on alligator facts?

No.

That seemed rehearsed.

This is unbelievable.

Okay, how about I just spit out alligator facts

until there's one you know,

and then whoever knows it, takes over?

No, Adrian. Stop it. Come on.