Rel

Hello, family. Look, y'all, tonight

is a very special episode of the Rel show.

Oh, if you don't know, I'm Lil Rel Howery,

star of the Rel show.

And tonight we got a special Halloween episode for you.

As you know, I'm on Sunday nights with all these cartoons,

and they do all these amazing Halloween episodes.

So tonight, we decided to do our very own Halloween episode.

That's right. It's gonna be crazy.

I mean, it's a good chance it might end my career,

but... shibbity dobos, it is what it is.

So, enjoy.

All right, look, look, I'm really excited about this.

I heard this movie is the best black Halloween movie

since Blacula. I mean,

the bar is set pretty low, but it's supposed to be great.

Yeah, critics are calling this

the feel-woke movie of the year.

Look, y'all, I'm excited, but it is a lot of hype.

Okay, come on now.

This is a young, black filmmaker

and he made the wokest movie of the year.

The hype is justified.

Look, I'm just saying I don't like too much hype.

I been overhyped before.

Listen, we got to support all things black, all right?

I love everything black.

My favorite fish? Blackened.

My favorite horse? Black Beauty.

My favorite white actor? Jack Black.

And see, Dad, that's what I'm talking about.

That is why we got to support what this moment is.

This is black excellence at its best.

Look what I did, right? I got the blackest snacks

you could think of to celebrate that.

Look, I even got black licorice.

I mean, even though it's disgusting...

- Mm-hmm. - ...still black.

Black is beautiful.

But this still nasty.

But look, let's get to this movie.

Dear diary, it is I, Frederick Douglass.

Just when I thought this world was as evil as it could be,

it has once again proven that its depravity

far exceeds my wildest expectations.

With abolitionists afoot in the South,

the southern plantation owners

begin to fear life without slavery.

Oh, God. Another slave movie.

Oh, Brittany, calm down.

You know Kanye said slavery was a choice.

They made that choice so we have great movies like this.

Look, Brittany, slavery is emotional.

You know what I mean?

They are stories of-of triumph over adversity.

Yeah, and it ain't just slavery, either. Know what I'm saying?

We do have great segregation films

and amazing jail movies.

Oh!

There's only one thing

I know for certain:

all humans are created equal,

but all zombies deserve to die.

Damn.

All right, all right, I ain't see that coming.

I always thought that you can improve any movie

by adding zombies.

You know something, that's a great point, little brother.

I mean if Snakes on a Plane was Zombies on a Plane,

man, Samuel L. Jackson would've got an Oscar, man.

Fearing slavery would cease to exist,

the Southern states attempted to create a free labor force

of the undead, but the South did not realize that zombies

could not be controlled.

They have now overrun our nation

and I'm traveling to the one safe place

left in this country,

a land so green, so peaceful,

with rivers of milk and honey:

the West Side of Chicago.

Oh, oh, okay, man. Now he trying to go to the crib, too.

Okay.

Yeah, finally Chicago being represented in a positive light.

All right, look, I was wrong.

He repping the city, he killing zombies,

I can't even be mad at him.

Look, Chicago ain't look this cool since Cooley High.

And, look, did y'all catch the symbolism, too?

Like, look, the pen turns into a dagger.

It just symbolizes how strong words are.

I'm woke.

Yeah, I don't know about that.

Oh, no!

Frederick, don't go out that door!

Oh, nothing good rustles in bushes. Man.

Reveal yourselves as humans

or I'll kill you as the undead creatures you are

Who are you?

Harriet. Harriet Tubman.

Oh, they got my girl Harriet in this movie?

That's what I'm talking about. Black girl magic.

The greatest conductor of the Underground Railroad.

Some folk call me Moses. Who are you?

I'm Frederick.

Frederick Douglass.

Ms. Tubman, your...

your name precedes you.

I've always looked forward to look you...

look you in your eyes.

Oh, my God. You are way, way more beautiful

than I could have ever imagined.

You're not so bad yourself.

It was love at first sight.

All right,

what the hell is this?

Oh, come on, Brittany, don't start.

Don't start what? They sexualizing Harriet Tubman.

So I'm-a start, Rel.

Look, I know I said support all things black,

but I'm kind of uncomfortable

sitting here watching this sex scene with my kids,

especially between two historical black figures.

That's nasty, man.

Hold on, okay?

Do y'all hear how unwoke y'all sound?

Look, Brittany, you act like Harriet Tubman

can't be a sex symbol.

Okay? She freed a bunch of people.

I tell you, the sexiest thing a woman can do for me

if I was a slave is free me.

And Frederick Douglass, guys...

one of the smartest black men of all time.

Taught himself how to read and write.

I don't know how you do that,

but hey, that's besides the point.

It's progressive.

Exactly. Woke.

Listen, I'm all for Harriet being sexually empowered,

but that scene was disgusting, Rel.

Okay, look, it's cinematic license, right?

Tarantino killed Hitler in a movie theater.

Look, in Moonlight,

you got three different people playing the same guy

and none of 'em look alike.

Robert Downey Jr. played blackface

and almost got a BET Award.

Come on, y'all, let's just see where this goes.

Yo, I-I did like Tropic Thunder.

You win.

Okay. See?

Now back to the lovemaking.

The only other thing that has brought me more joy

is freedom.

Same.

Mmm.

Ms. Tubman, you season one fine squirrel.

Well, I just followed the directions on the box.

So, uh...

the children, are they, uh...?

Oh, they're not mine, if that's what you're asking.

See, she was given to me by her mother,

who was bit by a zombie, and I promised to protect the girl.

Then she brutally murdered my mother in front of me,

but we're cool.

What about the boy?

I don't know. He doesn't speak.

I found him in an abandoned bush near Wichita.

So, amid all this turmoil,

where is your destination?

The West Side of Chicago.

That's mine, too.

- Really? - Oh, yes,

the West Side of Chicago.

Oh, I hear it's like heaven on Earth.

They got pastoral landscapes

and fertile soil...

and zero zombie violence.

Well, I'd love to go there with you.

It seems as fate has brought us together.

Before we travel, there's something

you must know about me.

I sometimes suffer from fainting spells.

Good to know.

When you're with me, you'll always feel protected.

Now, that's some odd behavior for a zombie.

That's odd behavior for a zombie, right?

Told you.

Yeah. Let's check it out.

Kids, stay close.

Thank you for joining me this evening.

I know you think we have nothing in common, but like you,

I was lost in the wilderness,

trying to feed my soul.

Before you try to eat me, I want you to think.

Think about who you are.

'Cause you can, you know.

You have a brain.

My zombie brothers and sisters,

I am... Malcolm X.

Just when I thought this movie couldn't get better, it does.